SparkNotes Blog

The Friday Awards

We’re catching a mental plane to Fritopia, a tiny town on the coast of New Weekendsburg, and we want you to join us!

What’s the best way to get you in the mood for a trip (that’s all in your heads, but still)?

Celebrating your brilliance and hilarity, of course!

Now, for this week’s awards!:

Happy Belated Birthday to ProposeWithOreos

Nickname of the Week goes to Lazy_gaga

The Mind-Boggling Brilliance Award goes to KelAndCompany for this comment that has nothing to do with any post…

Whoa. A little off topic, I know, but you guys know what’s totally awesome? Ironic words. My favorite is “raze.” It means to completely destroy, but it’s pronounced the same way as “raise.” So like, if you were to say, “OMG, I don’t believe this, my APUSh teacher is trying to raze my grade!” people would think you were crazy because everyone loves getting their grade raised. But you ACTUALLY mean, “OMG, my APUSh teacher is a vindictive crazy person and has definately joined the dark side. He’s trying to demolish my grade and force me to live in a box!”
See? Ironic words are fun!

Also, oxymoron is an oxymoron. But I bet you already knew that. =]

The Ouch That Buuuuuuurns Award goes to

stole_ur_beast for this comment on insulting things dudes shouldn’t say
“My mother is prettier than you”

NOT a good opening line, boys

The You Might Be Spiritually Connected to J.D. Salinger Awards go to…

CanadianBookworm for…

He’s not truly dead, he still speaks to us through his work. He just attained immortality, that’s all.

purpleabsofsteel for…

This is extremely ironic because today is the day we have to finish Catcher in the Rye for Language Arts! Its freaking me out. I kinda don’t want to read another book in case this happens to that author also.

LOTR_junkie6 for…

*sniffs* I just checked out Catcher at the library again, because I wanted to re-read it… Walked into the house, and my brother announced that J.D. Salinger died… IT SUCKED.

LOL Points to…

OddCheez for this comment on bad computers

My problem is usually the battery dying and I haven’t saved the file. that bites Illegal Butt right there…

she_who_squeaks for this comment on the dirty dictionary

Hee hee, I have never played Dirty Dictionary, but I played Hangman with the word epiglottis once.

zgirl95 for this comment on the same post…

Hehe, oh I can just feel my immaturity coming out as we speak, oh how I’ve missed you…

biskvitkaimlyako for this comment on that same post…

My favorite (English) word is “pronating”. It sounds so dirty, but it’s not.

gypsy_princess for this comment on the same post…
fluctuating. it sounds SOOO wrong. I laugh every time my science teacher says it.

BroccoliBiatch for this comment on pop culture debate topics

Also, Edward has the most terrifying chest I have ever seen. One nipple looks like a Polo mint, and the other looks like a slice of cucumber. Sorry, R-Pattz, chest FAIL.

It’s bad enough his face looks like a foot…

lavendercrayons for this comment on the joker post

When we left for a walk 15 minutes ago, my dad asked me if I was sure I didn’t want a vest instead of a jacket. I said, “No, I’m exercising my Second Amendment right — the right to bare arms.”

My dad liked it.

TheRealSix for this comment about the iPad/pact post…

I thought the exact same thing about the iPad’s name. I mean, seriously, did NO ONE at Apple even think for a second about the name. This must have been the conversation they had naming it (I know cuz I was THERE).

Steve Jobs: So, uh, we’re gonna call it an iPad.
Apple Exec 1: Awesome, boss, that’s not a weird name at all.
Apple Exec 2: Yeah, I would totally buy one with a name like that.
Female Exec: Men are stupid. Seriously

madlibs25 for these comments on the same pact post…

I want a pack! A werewolf pact.

Wait…This is about PACTS.
I still want a werewolf.

TheRealSix for this comment on the 7 Ways Not to Impress post

Am I the only one who would acually be impressed by 29 cartwheels in a row EVEN IF it was followed by nasty barfings? I can only do half of a cartwheel and it is usually followed by permanent brain damage and loss of limbs and/or eyeballs.

absterlyholt for this comment on the same post…

the leggings thing is SSSOOO true. I know a guy named Luke who wears short-shorts and leggings, NOT attractive!!!

Savannh_45 for this comment on the same post…

.if I met someone who would do twenty-nine cartwheels in a row, I think I would be impressed no matter what he did afterward.

Lady_Sunshine3 for this comment on that same post…

one other thing- guys please dont shove penciles up your nose to impress us… it doesnt work

...caped_scottie for this comment on the Cincinnati post

before it closed, Wu Mart was at the top of the list. It’s like the Asian WalMart. I’m not making this up. There were samurai swords on the wall.

kaleido_soap for this comment on the Facebook wall post, though it has nothing to do with Facebook walls…

Dude, science stools are torture-some. I always give it my best shot to sit up straight at the beginning of class and by the end of the period i’m
horizontal and my back hurts like a bunny in blender. i don’t see why the chair backs can be present while reading “Moby Dick” but need to be excluded while studying cell signaling pathways. which are equally dull and both require slouching.

…to ComeAndGetMeLoki for…

I was going to say something funny, but then my foot started itching so intensely that I couldn’t think of anything else!

bellabean3648 for this comment on the caffeine post

C-O-F-F-E-E, coffee is not fooor* me,
it’s the drink some people wake uuup with,
that it makes you nervous iis noo myth.
slaves to the coffee cup,
they can’t give coffee UP!

the song i was taught in 6th grade, in a program that was going to prevent kids getting addicted to coffee. let’s just say that failed. and (for all you Canadians out there) i need my Tim Horton’s. or Starbucks, or any other delicious coffee shop. YUM
*the extended letters are where you hold the notes.*

…to villanous_mwaha for this comment on the same post…

I love tea. Tea is gooood. Like, tea is God. Like the tears of God. Like the amazing tasty tears of god with milk but no sugar because that would only un-purify the amazing TEARS OF GOD!!!

…to Tigress_118 for this comment, also on the caffeine post

Caramel macchiatos from Starbucks are the coffee drinks of the Gods! You know, the fun ones that have orgies, not the cranky ones who tear you
asunder in the fires of Hell…

…to gracie92pk for this comment on the same post…

one time I drank two cups of strong coffee, and I felt like I was filled with the Holy Spirit……. my hands were literally shaking.

…to lemily13 for this comment on that same post…
this comment is much too far down for anyone to see it, but…

those little italicized questions at the bottom remind me of those “thought provoking questions” teachers try to provide at the end of readings for
students not knowing what to respond to. the ones on sparklife are often hilarious (probably just to me) because they often relate to the post but
are very straightforward. this post is so funny with the “HOW INAPPROPRIATELY LOUD” and then it finishes with an almost timid “do you
drink coffee?”

anyone else entertained by that? no?

cj926 for this comment on the winter post

I LOVE the Olympics and snow days. the rest of winter can go die in a hole. Except for Christmas of course.

nox_light47 for this comment on the Things Girls Don’t Want to Hear post…

WOAH.  HAD AN EPIPHANY, RANDOMLY.  whyhitheredude is NOT named why, hithere, dude, but WHY HI THERE DUDE.

Suddenly, life makes more sense.

kyocat for this comment on the same post…

nox_light, thanks for your epiphany! I was wondering why somone would have a name “why hit here, dude?” but now I know its “why hi there dude!” haha thanks

(Editors’ Note: We kept saying “why hither-y dude” in our head whenever we read that nickname. We now realize our interp didn’t make any sense. **hangs head in shame**)

Alice1292 for additions to the things girls don’t want to hear post…

“This one time, at band camp…”
“I’ve spent more time in jail than at home.”
“When’s your next period? And how often do you menstruate? Is it painful?”
“Do you experiment sexually?”
“Can girls fart? Really?! Fascinating…*stares into the distance*…hey do
me a favour and order some beans.”

…to blinkychick369 for this comment on the same post…

you forgot to put,”You smell like my mom (or sister/ ex), what kind of shampoo do you use?” Even if your mom smells like sweet nectar from heaven, your date will think it’s a tad strange. Just leave out the mom part and say she smells like sweet nectar from heaven, which is also known as Herbal Essences.

The Great New Yoga Position Award goes to right_writer for…

The Band Geek: While balancing the handle of your instrument case with your dominant hand, shift your weight in the opposite direction and let the case bounce off your knees. Once you have mastered this strive, bump it up a notch and use the case as a battering ram through large crowds.

I’ve been doing this four times a day with a Baritone Saxophone for three years. I really need to start using my left hand, because my friends are beginning to call my right hand my “band hand” with all the callouses and the muscles…

The Bari Sax pwns.

The You Might Go to My Alma Mater So You Get an Award Award goes to icanreadfast for this comment on the McStickinbutt post…

Badgers are my school’s mascot. My friend has a stuffed badger. Sometimes I like to wear it like it’s a hat. Is that okay?

The Great Manners Award goes to stephi10490 for this comment on the trash post

Since Aly is constantly congradulating us on being first I think she should get an extra big congrats for being first herself…CONGRATS ALY!! AND ON A DAN POST TOO?!! *oh yea, does “Aly got 1st place” happy dance*

goes to Icepal for this comment on the Facebook/underpants post…

I do not have facebook and will never get one! That was a challenge from my cousin. She asked me one day, “Facebook?” And I was like, “No, I don’t like it very much.” ANd she goes, “WHAT? YOU DONT HAVE FACEBOOK? EVERYONE HAS FACEBOOK! YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE – ONE DAY, YOUR JUST GOING TO END UP GETTING  FACEBOOK BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS IT!” So then i thought, “Really? We’ll see
about that.” I am not getting facebook.

The LOL/Your Editor is Afflicted By THE SAME EXACT THING/They Make Pills for That, You Know Award goes to Nillabee for this comment on the winter post

i hate the winter, because i have like, no circulation. if i go in the *basement* for 30 seconds in the winter, the blood stops flowing to my toes and fingers, and they become deathly white. it’s not too fun. and they don’t even warm up on their own! once, my parents weren’t home, and i just sat
there, not able to move or do anything, because i couldn’t walk. i need one of those old-people buttons that you push so the ambulance comes.

The Key to Our Hearts (Club) Award goes to nylitjunkie09 for this comment on the blog posts ideas post…

what’s key club? i wanna say it’s like a show-and-tell kind of thing, only with really cool/old/strange-looking keys. but somehow, i don’t think that’s right…

The You’re the First Person on Auntie SparkNotes’s Will Award goes to nox_light47 for this comment on an Auntie post

Auntie!!  Where did you get so smart!??  And can I inherit your job?? quick, put it in the will!!

The SparkNotes Spokesperson Awards goes to…

Nyx_of_Night for…

I have been a Sparkler for like a month now, and I think that it’s awesome!!!! LOOVE Sparknotes!

Wakwy for this comment on the Too Honest College Tour post…

This doesn’t make me wanna go to college. I’ll just learn on Sparknotes. I learn lots of stuff here–like how to flirt, how to know when I’m high on
caffine, and what to do instead of my homework! All very necessary skills for life, if you ask me (no one did, but I’m answering questions before
they’re asked, which is how smart the internet has made me

…to sciencenerdess94 for this comment on the blog post ideas post

maybe there could be an article called: The Sparklife Clubhouse (if SparkLife was a clubhouse, what would everyone do, where would they hang out, etc.) Actually, the description I wasn’t entirely sure about, but I like the title because that’s how I’ve always thought of SparkLife: as a clubhouse. A SECRET clubhouse, where we house ninjas, unicorns, dragons, and WEREWOLVES WITH JETPACKS!!! (And where we hold Smeyer hostage, but shhh…don’t tell anyone!) It’s so funny how it’s so blatantly obvious, but no one really  notices it! The tab for SparkLife is like a secret-but-not-so-secret entrance to the wonderful world of SparkLife! I love you guys! Sparklers make SparkLife awesome!  heart

…and to AriKarenina for this comment on the Cincinnati post

If there is love in the world, it is the comments of sparklers.

The Oh Girl You’re Getting Cred Now Award goes to mochalatte7362 for this comment about the Awesome Explosion

i was the one who sent the improv everywhere vids… just i was so excited to send them that i forgot to add my name  so i didnt get credited…

but i feel good anyways!!

Annnnnd we have a question for embracethecheese because of this comment:

I only joined Science Olympiad to hang out with my nerdy casual crush. I haven’t actually gone yet. Tomorrow!

Duder, what happened?!? Verbal communication? Strategic beaker dropping? What?!

Congrats, Friampions!