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What do you get your significant other for their birthday?

A dozen roses; dinner somewhere candlelit; a handwritten letter professing your love and devotion.

Oh sh*t. You forgot! When they remind you, you apologize profusely, make them a card, and finally help them out them fix up their backyard as you’d promised a month ago.

You go to Walgreen’s and print out a really sexy selfie. And frame it.

Energy healing crystals. Everyone should own a set.

A poem. The ink is smeared from your tears and you actually made a heart out a drop of your own blood. Strangely, your SO is flattered.

Correct!

Wrong!

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What’s the first thing you do when you get home from school?

Walk to your SO's house with brownies you made from scratch to celebrate your 2.5 month anniversary.

Dump the contents of your backpack on the floor looking for your friend’s copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which she lent you under the agreement that you’d replace it if you lost it. It’s not there. Maybe it’s under the pile of laundry the size of an elephant…

Update Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat…and your Tumblr. All with different pix.

One hour of Kundalini yoga and 15 minutes of meditation, followed by listening to a podcast on centering your 3rd chakra as to eliminate cravings for sugar and wheat.

Lock yourself in your bedroom and refuse dinner until you’ve written at least 30 pages of poetry.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Favorite food?

Anything with a heart on it.

Whatever can fit on your plate at the buffet!

Uhhh…it’s all documented on your Insta. Literally every meal—and snack—for the past 6 months. What? It’s what your followers want!

It’s all vegan and organic. You drink rainwater. Sometimes you eat flowers.

Black coffee.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Favorite movie?

The Notebook.

Pineapple Express.

Do Bravo shows count?

Food, Inc.

You’ve probably never heard of it. It’s French and it came out in 1966.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Dream job?

Wedding planner.

Review TV shows. From the comfort of your living room sofa. Never. Leaving. The house.

Star of a series about how a young adult finds their way and makes it big! Doing what? Not sure. Does it matter?

Certified practitioner of Reiki, Asthanga, acupuncture, ayurvedic medicine, and tarot. You either know what these words mean or you don’t.

Unforgiving arts critic for the New York Times. Areas of expertise: everything.

Correct!

Wrong!

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