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How do you feel about walking around a lot, and occasionally sitting on benches?

I'm wholeheartedly in favor of it

Honestly? Let me die

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Oftentimes, the success of your date depends on what kind of running commentary you keep up while the date is happening. With that in mind, what would you say about this piece?

I would nudge my date and say, "That's you."

I would say, "Why do I feel like this guy knows all of my secrets?"

I would say, "Look at the composition. When was this? 1623? Exquisite."

I would say, "Anyway, here's Wonderwall."

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What about this one? What would you say about this?

I would say, "I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but now I know 'swaddling cats and spoon-feeding them soup' is my calling."

I would say, "This is a really interesting way to look at how we view ourselves as a species."

I would say, "I can't decide if I want to be the cat or the person."

I would say, "This is relevant to my interests."

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How long are you thinking you guys will be at the museum?

I don't know, like an hour? Maybe two if it's going well?

Somewhere in the neighborhood of five hours

Twenty minutes, tops

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And what would you say about this?

I would say, "You can just FEEL the levels of NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME on this guy."

I would say, "This is how I react to every minor inconvenience."

I would say, "Is that Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending?"

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What would you say to this?

I would say, "This is baroque as hell."

I would say, "I like that the turtle is just chilling, all fancy-like."

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Guided tour of the exhibit: yes or no?

Yes

No

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What would be your comment on this painting?

I would say, "I could not have any less of an idea of what's going on here, but I feel like that little girl doesn't care about me."

I would say, "I feel like the guy in the red cape and tights is a ghost that only we can see."

I would say, "How does this piece make YOU feel? Because it's making me feel the utmost of sorrow for reasons I can't explain."

I would say, "20 minutes into Netflix and chill and he gives you this look."

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And this one?

I would say, "I've definitely seen this episode of Game of Thrones."

I would say, "New life goal: show up naked to somebody's wedding, yell 'I OBJECT' as they release the hounds."

I would say, "This is every family gathering I've ever been to, so if you and I are going to go any further as a couple, you should probably start preparing yourself emotionally."

I would say, "My favorite part is the guy in red tights clearly saying 'NOBODY PANIC' even while there is a woman being eaten by dogs right in front of him."

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Got any plans for what you'll be doing afterward?

We'll get coffee

We'll head straight to the gift shop

Maybe we'll see a movie or something

I kind of figured we'd just go home

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And finally: what's your hot, fresh take on THIS?

I would say, "That's just classic Flemish Caravaggism."

I would say, "I am the woman on the right who definitely staged this whole thing and has nothing to lose."

I would say, "No one looks too bothered about this, actually. And I can see why. What business does this guy have wearing half a shirt?"

I would say, "I am the guy on the left who just wanted to play cards."

Correct!

Wrong!

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