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When you wake up in the morning, you think:

FINALLY. YES.

Ten exhales and I shall rise from my chamber.

Sleeping in zip-off cargo pants was a mistake, I see that now.

Am I still asleep?

Correct!

Wrong!

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My skin-care routine is:

A 13-step Korean-based regime that will keep me looking like a sixth grader indefinitely

To allow any makeup I was wearing the previous day to naturally disintegrate into my pillow overnight

Upward circles

Sunscreen during the day, 10 hours of sleep at night

Correct!

Wrong!

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When you like someone, the tactic you use to nab them is:

Light social-media research into their interests, so we have something to talk about

I touch their arm meaningfully, then immediately go around and touch five other people's arms to muddy the waters

Become good friends for 5-7 years then wait until someone cracks and kisses the other in a fit of passion

Give them a flirty nickname like "William Henry Harrison"

Inform everyone within shouting distance that they are my conquest, and my conquest alone

Devote excessive amounts of time to fine-tuning day-dream scenarios with them

Make in-roads via their friends, and simultaneously bulldoze all the out-roads

Correct!

Wrong!

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How Pinterestable is your bedroom right now?

Very, if you're after a sort of Cubist look or "smashcake" of color

Highly, I just re-curated it (bed is not to be slept in)

It would be perfect for one of those "DIY fails" posts

Just lemme hide the Post-It wall where I lay out the conspiracy theory that Harry Styles = Rami Malek

Correct!

Wrong!

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Finish this sentence: "Red lip, __________."

Classic

Don't even talk to me about thin lips

Red lipstick on my teeth also, probably

Correct!

Wrong!

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What instructions do you typically give the hairdresser?

What can you do to add volume that doesn't involve extensions or a mom bob?

I'd like Jennifer Lawrence's haircut filtered through the lens of "mid-Western shopping mall hair salon"

Let's shave something into it

Whatever you think will look good, I'm just here for the part where you clip it all up in sections

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"I have always known who I am."

This is a straight-fire lie, unless there is something ultimately fateful about my current flirtation with velvet turtlenecks

This is mostly true, and let me tell you it isn't easy to be a teen M.D.

I still love the 2011 Breaking Dawn soundtrack too much for that to be true

Correct!

Wrong!

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