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Your SO hasn't responded to a text for two hours. You:

Chill. They've got their own life.

Text them an increasingly frantic string of question marks and emojis.

Mentally file away as ammunition for your next fight.

Assume they've blocked your number (again).

Correct!

Wrong!

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When you say "I love you," how does your SO respond?

"Uh, yeah. Right back atcha."

You don't so much "say" I love you as you do "whisper it into your binoculars while you stare at them from across the street."

"I love you too, my little thimble." (Or whatever disgusting nickname the two of you have for each other.)

"Ugh, I'm sorry I just cannot stand the sound of your voice."

Correct!

Wrong!

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You and your SO finish each others...

Sentences.

Sandwiches.

Assassins that you send to kill each other.

Well they did say "we're finished." Does that count?

Correct!

Wrong!

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You and your SO have a movie date. Do you:

Know without asking that you want to see the same thing.

Agree to see their indie flick, even as you strain your ears to hear what's happening next door in Captain America.

Fight bitterly and end up going into different theaters.

Follow them in a trenchcoat and dark glasses, sitting three rows behind them.

Correct!

Wrong!

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You and your SO fight:

Rarely and never for very long.

About the same things, again and again.

So constantly you have been found in violation of your town's noise ordinances.

Never! (You would have to be speaking in order to fight.)

Correct!

Wrong!

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In pictures together, your SO looks:

Like they've just received their Hogwarts acceptance letter.

Like you are posing on the cover of an "opposites attract" romantic comedy.

Like they are advertising a "dark, edgy" cologne.

Like this photo will be shown to their family as proof of life.

Correct!

Wrong!

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If you had to bet all your money that you and your SO will still be together this time next month, would you?

Absolutely! And I'd use the money to buy them something fancy.

A month? Yeah, I can keep us afloat that long. What are the odds, exactly?

Um, no. I will bet all *their* money though, just to see them lose it.

For sure! Wait, do they have to *know* we're together?

Correct!

Wrong!

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What epic movie gesture would best show how you feel about your SO?

A garden filled with twinkle lights and their favorite musician playing in a corner.

Running after them to the airport to stop them making a flight.

Dousing their car in gasoline and setting it on fire.

Playing a giant boombox at their window until the cops arrive.

Correct!

Wrong!

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If you did break up, you hope your SO...

Finds happiness without you.

Always refers to you as "the one that got away."

Just, the entire plot of The Revenant.

Doesn't lock their bedroom window, so you can still watch them sleep. (HEY, NOBODY HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT WHEN IT WAS EDWARD CULLEN.)

Correct!

Wrong!

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Your friends all tell you that:

You and your SO are their couple inspiration.

You and your SO are like watching a soap opera.

They really wish you two would break up already.

They gently remind you to respect the terms of your restraining order.

Correct!

Wrong!

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