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I am a guy who’s attracted to girls, and my best friend in the world, who is also my oldest friend in the world, is a girl who’s attracted to guys (and girls in her case). We’ve been close for over 10 years. I was her \u201cdude of honor\u201d at her wedding.<\/p>\n
It’s a rare type of relationship\u2014I don’t know many like it. But it’s just a guy \u00a0and a girl being friends, why is this so uncommon?<\/p>\n
Well, we spend the \u00a0first 10 years of our lives publicly maligning the other sex with vicious stereotypes about boys drooling and girls having cooties. And it can be hard to kick that “us versus them” mentality \u00a0(see: any and all movies in which the guy is super mean because he secretly likes the girl).<\/p>\n
Then there’s the fact that a lot of Americans simply don’t think it’s possible to be opposite-gender friends\u2014the central plot line in one of my favorite movies, \u00a0When Harry Met Sally <\/em>(\u201cMen and women can’t be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.\u201d). Don’t get me wrong, sex and attraction do get in the way\u2014a lot\u2014but they \u00a0don’t have to.<\/p>\n Whenever I introduce people to my (girl) friend, they inevitably ask me, \u201cHave you guys ever hooked up?\u201d No, I say. We haven’t. \u201cSo you tried, and she said no?\u201d NO!<\/p>\n People don’t get it. Either I’m secretly in love with her, or she’s secretly in love with me. Or one of us is gay.<\/p>\n \u201cSeriously? How though? How did you just remove sex from the equation? I don’t see how that’s the possible,\u201d you might be thinking. We never made a pact in blood that said, \u201cNe’er shall our privates meet.\u201d There was no explicit agreement. And because a hook-up never happened, we naturally evolved into a friendship that went deeper and deeper\u2014so deep that humping the air while saying it went \u201cdeeper and deeper\u201d out loud wouldn’t make either of us uncomfortable.<\/p>\n To be honest, I completely understand why lots of guy\/girl friendships don’t work out over time. First of all, the few decades of our lives, we’re pretty dumb. We may know a lot about physics or My Little Pony<\/em>, but we don’t know much about being responsible to our feelings and other people. We make friends, lose them, change who we are, fail to \u00a0stand up for someone who needs help, fail to \u00a0stand up for ourselves. We try acting close to all kinds of people, and back out when it doesn’t feel right. Romantic love is new, and we aren’t really sure where to find it: Here?<\/em> No. With him?<\/em> Nah. With her?<\/em> \u00a0Oh, my friend who happens to be standing right there? Maybe? I mean it did work out in \u00a0Clueless.<\/em><\/p>\n If you’re younger than 22, take a look around at \u00a0the people you’re closest to right now: you’ll barely see most of them in a few years, especially if they are of the opposite sex. My theory? Men and women aren’t friends often, because it’s hard to have long-lasting friendships of any<\/em> kind. Sex doesn’t always get in the way, but it can get in the way, and it doesn’t take much to find a reason to part ways.<\/p>\n You want to know the dirty secret that no one tells you? FRIENDSHIPS ARE RELATIONSHIPS. You’re in a relationship with your best friend right now, and it’s surprisingly similar to \u00a0having a boyfriend or girlfriend, especially if you see each other close to every day. You start getting annoyed at little things they do, you cross a boundary, they cross a boundary. You get in a big fight, and wonder if this is the end, if you’ll ever be a close as you used to be. That’s what a long-term relationship looks like, romantic or platonic.<\/p>\n So, when you’re dealing with \u00a0a friend of the opposite \u00a0sex, the boundaries are harder to sort through. If you go to the movies with your guy friend and he paid for the ticket: \u201cOH MY GOD HE THINKS IT’S A DATE, HE’S SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH ME I KNEW IT.\u201d If you’re a guy and you help your female friend move to a new house: \u201cHER BOYFRIEND IS SUPPOSED TO DO THIS, I’M JUST A STAND-IN BOYFRIEND, AND SHE’S SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH ME I KNEW IT”\u2014no, you’re a good friend who’s helping your friend. So calm down.<\/p>\n At the end of the day, the real reason there aren’t more opposite-sex friends is because men and women are not treated equally in our society. And the younger the guy, the less likely he is to treat his female peers with respect and equal standing. But, this is one reason I cherish my best friend. Just by loving each other and being there for one another, we challenged the status quo and made people who knew us think differently about what a friend can be. So, if you have a really good friend who’s a different gender than you, know that you’re pulling off something very cool.<\/p>\n Are you shackled by society’s rigid lore that man and woman cannot be friends, or are you besties with someone of the opposite gender like it’s no big deal?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I am a guy who’s attracted to girls, and my best friend in the world, who is also my oldest friend in the world, is a girl who’s attracted to guys (and girls in her continue reading<\/span>