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iStock<\/a> \u00a0is a treasure trove of \u00a0hapless models who just want to collect their $50 \u00a0for allowing images of themselves laughing alone \u00a0with salad<\/a> \u00a0or whatever \u00a0to be licensed in perpetuity. <\/em><\/p>\n Most stock photos beg the question, “Zuh?” \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Herein, we set about trying to \u00a0answer that \u00a0interrogative sound, with (micro)fictional accounts of the iStock universe! \u2014ed.<\/em><\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n “See that, Moonshine?” He patted the horse’s neck and it snuffled appreciatively.<\/p>\n “That there is the last place I would ever look. If my keys ain’t there…” He squinted at the horizon, “They ain’t nowhere.”<\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n “Whatcha doin’, mama?”<\/p>\n “Inventing the juice cleanse. Go away.”<\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n Me?<\/p>\n I’m no hero.<\/p>\n I’m just a girl with a white coat, blue shirt, and a stethoscope who is astonished at how few questions they ask if you walk through the doctor’s entrance to a hospital.<\/p>\n All the same, though, you should probably watch your blood pressure.<\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n Meet Jeremy.<\/p>\n Jeremy’s mommy loves him. She says “he’ll talk when he’s ready.”<\/p>\n Jeremy agrees. He \u00a0can<\/em> talk right now, of course.<\/p>\n But he \u00a0will<\/em> talk when he’s good and ready.<\/p>\n And when that day comes, he will have some \u00a0very interesting<\/em> things to say.<\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n “WHY, CLUCKY, WHY??? YOU WERE SO YOUNG. YOU HAD SO MANY EGGS LEFT TO GIVE.”<\/p>\n At least, she thought, Clucky had sprinkled \u00a0herself with rosemary. Thoughtful to the end.<\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n “Nice ring, bro.”<\/p>\n “Thanks. I needed something that said ‘hands off, ladies.’ I wanted to get one for her too, but apparently they don’t make that size.”<\/p>\n A silence that seemed to stretch upward forever, like the top of a cedar tree disappearing into fog.<\/p>\n “Hey, so it’s great you feel comfortable visiting so often, man.”<\/p>\n “Yeah, well I gotta check up on the little lady.”<\/p>\n “Haha. Well. You don’t ‘gotta,’ exactly. You choose to.”<\/p>\n He furrowed his brow (and his abs as well, out of habit).<\/p>\n “I feel like you’re trying to say\u2014”<\/p>\n “I’m trying to say go home, Jacob.”<\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n They piled back into the car, glowing with exertion and camaraderie. Julia was the first to speak.<\/p>\n “Ladies, I just want to say how much today has meant to me. They said a group of women couldn’t come together and pull this off, but we did.” She leaned forward, eyes sparkling mischievously. “And they are straight-up \u00a0never \u00a0<\/em>going to find that body.”<\/p>\n And they never did.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" iStock \u00a0is a treasure trove of \u00a0hapless models who just want to collect their $50 \u00a0for allowing images of themselves laughing alone \u00a0with salad \u00a0or whatever \u00a0to be licensed in perpetuity. Most stock photos beg continue reading<\/span>![\"\"](\"http:\/\/img.sparknotes.com\/content\/sparklife\/sparktalk\/iStock_000062998927_Medium_opt.jpg\")
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