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What happened in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet<\/i> was tragic, yes, but it was also easily preventable. Two lovestruck kids (plus four other, less important people) died during this whole deal, and I want SOMEONE \u00a0to be held responsible. Don’t tell me “But Elodie, the real villain was society.”<\/i> \u00a0I don’t care. Society can’t bear the brunt of my scorn. I can’t point at society and chant “SHAME” repeatedly.<\/p>\n
To my mind, these are the people who made all of this possible, in order of increasing blameworthiness.<\/p>\n
LEAST BLAMEWORTHY: Juliet Lady Montague<\/strong> Mercutio<\/strong> Romeo<\/strong> For Romeo, the answers were no, no, and definitely not. I get it, he didn’t know any better. He is a fictional character; he had no way of knowing Shakespeare was indulging in that old chestnut, dramatic irony. He was simply doing the best he could with the information he had. \u00a0But “the best he could” was “WELL, TIME TO GIVE UP AND DIE \u00a0AS DRAMATICALLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE, AND BY THE WAY I’M TAKING PARIS DOWN WITH ME”?<\/p>\n I also like to think that I would not have killed Tybalt, but let’s be real about this: we \u00a0all<\/em> would have killed Tybalt.<\/p>\n Paris<\/strong> Tybalt<\/strong> Lord Montague<\/strong> Lord Capulet<\/strong> Friar John<\/strong> MOST BLAMEWORTHY: Friar \u00a0Laurence Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe Laurence is \u00a0smarter than I’m giving him credit for. \u00a0He got what he wanted, after all\u2014the feud ended. Not before \u00a0Lady Montague, Mercutio, Tybalt, Paris, Romeo, and Juliet all died of various causes, it’s true, but maybe that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Maybe \u00a0this whole thing was a long con and we played right into his hands. \u00a0Maybe he really \u00a0was<\/em> the villain.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What happened in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet was tragic, yes, but it was also easily preventable. Two lovestruck kids (plus four other, less important people) died during this whole deal, and I want SOMEONE \u00a0to continue reading<\/span>
\n<\/strong>Juliet did nothing wrong. Okay, fine, maybe faking your death to avoid an arranged marriage wasn’t the most airtight plan in the world, but it’s not Juliet’s fault she went into a voluntary, hours-long coma and literally no one else<\/em> \u00a0could be bothered to stick to the original plan.<\/p>\n
\nShe didn’t do much, really, but I think we can all agree that dying of grief halfway through the play was hardly helping the situation.<\/p>\n
\nI love Mercutio. I relate to him \u00a0because I, too, \u00a0have a sense of humor \u00a0that is equal parts 1) bawdy jokes \u00a0and 2) puns about death. But did he do anything to stop this crazy train? \u00a0No. In fact, he got right on board and rode \u00a0it straight to his untimely death.<\/p>\n
\nI’m trying to look at things from his perspective, I really am. But \u00a0should I ever find myself in this exact situation, I like to think that common sense and basic human intelligence will \u00a0win the day. First, I’ll ask myself a few basic questions, like, “Do I actually need to do this? \u00a0By sacrificing myself, will I somehow bring her back? Also, is she definitely gone?”<\/p>\n
\nI know, I know; Paris was just another hapless sixteenth-century aristocrat using his money and manhood \u00a0to score a bride, and that was then and this is now, and he wasn’t INTENTIONALLY \u00a0being a tool. But \u00a0I feel a little bit like coercing a girl into marriage \u00a0is just one of those things you shouldn’t do, lest you get caught up in the drama \u00a0and wind up all kinds<\/em> of stabbed.<\/p>\n
\nHot hands Tybalt was raring to murder a Montague \u00a0before the play had even \u00a0started. Eventually \u00a0he killed Mercutio, \u00a0which pretty much makes him culpable any way you slice it.<\/p>\n
\nLike all the obstinate family patriarchs who came before him, Montague \u00a0was unwilling \u00a0to bend the rules of his life-feud \u00a0for anything, even young \u00a0love. I blame him for this murder mess even more than Tybalt. Without the Montague\/Capulet mandate of “WE HATE THESE PEOPLE, FOR INEXPLICABLE REASONS,” \u00a0Tybalt would never have challenged \u00a0Romeo to a duel in the first place.<\/p>\n
\nI’m not even sure what Romeo’s father was doing for this part of the story, but I know what Juliet’s was doing: forcing her to marry Paris. And he was being a real jerk \u00a0about it, too.<\/p>\n
\nFriar John is the physical, humanoid embodiment of “you had one job.” He popped up in \u00a0the story just long enough to NOT tell Romeo that Juliet wasn’t actually dead, and then he \u00a0melted back into the netherworld of plot devices.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Behold, the \u00a0real<\/em> villain of this story: the peaceable, kindly optimist whose good intentions led us \u00a0all to ruin. \u00a0Sure, he only wanted to end the feud\u2014but there \u00a0must’ve been upwards of a billion ways of doing that that didn’t involve letting \u00a0two newly pubescent teenagers \u00a0marry in secret. He even gave Juliet the fake death \u00a0potion! He’s an unwitting, well-meaning menace and he needs \u00a0to be stopped!<\/p>\n