{"id":1393648,"date":"2016-09-30T11:00:07","date_gmt":"2016-09-30T15:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/community.sparknotes.com\/?p=1393648"},"modified":"2019-02-08T11:33:12","modified_gmt":"2019-02-08T16:33:12","slug":"blogging-the-odyssey-part-5-how-not-to-anger-the-gods","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/blog\/blogging-the-odyssey-part-5-how-not-to-anger-the-gods\/","title":{"rendered":"Blogging The Odyssey<\/em>: Part 5 (How NOT to Anger the Gods)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Last time on Blogging The Odyssey<\/em><\/a>, the king of Phaeacia asked Odysseus to tell his tale. Odysseus was like, “I COULDN’T POSSIBLY,” thought about it for roughly .5 seconds, and then said, “WELL, IF YOU INSIST.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, look. I know I’m just an uninvolved third party to the trials and hardships Odysseus has weathered, but I feel like I could’ve done a better job with all of this, somehow. I am not wily, capable, or good with a sword, but I have<\/i> been blessed with the gift of common sense. Were \u00a0I ever to find myself in a world \u00a0ruled by deathless immortals, I would keep my head down, make no waves, and avoid cannibals, if at all possible. It just doesn’t seem that hard.<\/p>\n

This is Book 9: In the One-Eyed Giant’s Cave<\/b>, but it might as well be called Book 9: How NOT to Invoke the Ire of Supreme Beings Who Can Wreck Your Sh*t on the Barest of Whims.<\/b><\/p>\n

So, to that end\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

Rule #1: Don’t tempt fate, particularly when you live in a world where fate is a thing.<\/b> Odysseus reveals his identity to the Phaeacians and begins his story, stealing us away into the beating heart of adventure. He tells us that after the Trojan War, he and his men sacked a city \u00a0called Ismarus. They did this because, as near as I can tell, the city was simply there, and it had been like two whole days since they’d plundered anything.<\/p>\n

What they SHOULD have done was leave immediately. What they DID do was hang around getting drunk and enjoying the spoils of war, with the result that reinforcements arrived to take back the city and slaughtered a bunch of them. Whoops.<\/p>\n

Rule #2: Don’t eat the fruit.<\/b> We can now add Odysseus and his men to the laundry list of people in fiction who have accepted fruit from dubious strangers and can’t \u00a0believe it went this wrong.<\/p>\n

\"\"Disney<\/em><\/small><\/p>\n

Following the Ismarus debacle, a mild Zeus-storm sent \u00a0Odysseus and his crew off-course, straight to the land of the Lotus-eaters. There they \u00a0were given fruit from the natives that forced them to abandon all thoughts of home; instead, all they wanted to do was continue \u00a0eating the fruit forever. I find this hard to relate to, because I’m really more a junk food person, and my body is slowly rotting. Odysseus successfully \u00a0dragged \u00a0them all back to the ships and locked \u00a0them up to break the spell.<\/p>\n

Rule #3: Do not make a pit stop at Cyclops Island.<\/b> I can’t believe this even needs to be said. I’m thinking maybe Odysseus had too many men and not enough food and he was trying to think \u00a0of creative ways \u00a0to solve this problem.<\/p>\n

Rule #4: Curiosity killed the cat.<\/b> Apparently this phrase had \u00a0not yet been invented. Nor had “CURIOSITY KILLED DOZENS OF YOUR SHIPMATES LITERALLY YESTERDAY, ODYSSEUS, STOP IT.” He and a few choice men who were \u00a0clearly marked for death decided \u00a0to check out the island and see if the Cyclopes of lore really were, in his words, “violent,” “savage,” and “lawless,” which\u2014surprise! They are! Odysseus & Co. stole \u00a0some cheese (seriously), but it wasn’t enough. Odysseus wanted \u00a0to meet the Cyclops, Polyphemus, and “[see] what gifts he’d give.” I’m not sure why this one-eyed monster \u00a0whom Odysseus has already described as “a savage deaf to justice” would give him presents, particularly after they just stole his \u00a0cheese, but I guess it never \u00a0hurts to ask.<\/p>\n

Polyphemus was not impressed. He called \u00a0them “sea-wolves,” which sounds awesome and is actually how I’d like to be addressed going forward, but he didn’t \u00a0mean it in a good way. Odysseus still somehow had \u00a0the gall to ask for a “guest-gift,” because it’s customary, and because if Polyphemus didn’t \u00a0comply Zeus would \u00a0likely smite him for this grievous breach of etiquette. Polyphemus said \u00a0“Well, nuts to your gods, then,” and ate \u00a0two of Odysseus’s men right in front of him.<\/p>\n

Now a captive, Odysseus was forced \u00a0to come up with \u00a0a plan. He plied \u00a0the Cyclops with his finest wine and mentioned that \u00a0he went \u00a0by the name of Nobody. When Polyphemus fell asleep, they took \u00a0his club, whittled it down until it was little more than a big, glorified toothpick, stuck \u00a0it in the fire, and shoved it right in his eye. Polyphemus woke up and \u00a0cried \u00a0out, demanding help from his neighbors, but when the other Cyclopes gathered \u00a0around the cave and asked who was \u00a0killing him, he told \u00a0them, “Nobody! Nobody’s killing me!” Yet another villainous scheme foiled by wordplay!<\/p>\n

Rule #5: Don’t go around making enemies. You never know who might be related to a god.<\/b> This shouldn’t be a problem so long as said enemy doesn’t know your actual name. Oh, wait\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

Rule #6: Never trash talk a Cyclops.<\/b> \u00a0Odysseus \u00a0and his men escaped \u00a0by clinging to the underbellies of sheep being let out to pasture. Safely out of reach on his ship and having successfully outsmarted Polyphemus, Odysseus couldn’t help but offer up a piping hot plate of sass to the pitiful, now-blind Cyclops. He shouted \u00a0back that if anyone ever asked who gouged out his eye, he should tell them it was Odysseus, son of Laertes, king of Ithaca, and he stopped \u00a0just short of giving \u00a0Polyphemus \u00a0his social security number to boot.<\/p>\n

Polyphemus then \u00a0called \u00a0upon his father, Poseidon, to rain vengeance down upon Odysseus, but the way he asked \u00a0is kind of hilarious.<\/p>\n

If I really am your son and you claim to be my father\u2014
\ncome, grant that Odysseus\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6never reaches home.
\nOr if he’s fated to see
\nhis people once again, let him come home late
\nand come a broken man<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

More like<\/p>\n

POSEIDON, YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE MY FATHER BUT FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT LET’S JUST ASSUME THAT YOU ARE.
\nDON’T LET ODYSSEUS MAKE IT HOME, EVER.
\nUNLESS HE’S ACTUALLY FATED TO RETURN HOME.
\nTHEN JUST MAKE HIM LATE, I GUESS.
\nMAKE IT TAKE A WHILE.
\nAND IF HE’S MISERABLE THE WHOLE TIME, ALL THE BETTER.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will Odysseus continue to ruin everything in new and fascinating ways? Probably! Stay tuned! This is Elodie the sea-wolf, signing off.<\/p>\n

Discussion questions:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Polyphemus’s father is Poseidon, but if you can name his mother without Googling it I will give you a dollar.<\/li>\n
  2. If you were in Odysseus’s shoes, what would you do differently, besides everything?<\/li>\n
  3. I kind of feel like Odysseus is the bad guy here. Polyphemus was just hanging out, eating cheese and herding sheep. Thoughts?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Looking for the rest of our Blogging the Classics series? Check it out here!<\/a> \u00a0For all of Blogging The Odyssey, click here<\/a>!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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