{"id":1393834,"date":"2016-10-07T11:00:38","date_gmt":"2016-10-07T15:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/community.sparknotes.com\/?p=1393834"},"modified":"2019-02-08T11:33:11","modified_gmt":"2019-02-08T16:33:11","slug":"blogging-the-odyssey-part-6-the-five-people-you-meet-in-the-underworld","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/blog\/blogging-the-odyssey-part-6-the-five-people-you-meet-in-the-underworld\/","title":{"rendered":"Blogging The Odyssey<\/em>: Part 6 (The Five People You Meet in the Underworld)"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Last time on Blogging The Odyssey<\/em><\/a>, Odysseus blinded a vengeful Cyclops and bragged about it because, I don’t know, I guess he just couldn’t contain himself. Now then.<\/p>\n

Book 10: The Bewitching Queen of Aeaea<\/strong><\/p>\n

Having successfully gouged out someone’s eye with a giant toothpick, Odysseus moved right along with his day and sailed to the island of Aeolus. Aeolus is a man \u00a0with six sons and six daughters and, apparently overcome by this miracle of math, he one day decided to have them all just marry each other. Who does that? Thankfully, he gave Odysseus a bag full of wind to help him on his journey homeward, and we were able to put Aeolus and his questionable family values behind us.<\/p>\n

We would’ve made it, too. We ALMOST made it. Ithaca was literally within sight when the crew grew suspicious and decided to open up Odysseus’s sack o’ wind in case it \u00a0contained treasure. I don’t know why they assumed this. Of all the burlap sacks in the world, do you know how many of them contain treasure? Hardly any.<\/p>\n

Predictably, the wind was released (science), and the ships were blown all the way back to Aeolus. This is actual photographic evidence of me reading this hell book:<\/p>\n

\"\"NBC<\/small><\/em><\/p>\n

Aeolus refused to give them more wind. Damn right. You can’t just give<\/i> someone more wind after they’ve wasted the wind you gave them. How will they learn? Our motley crew, now bereft of ancient Greek plot devices, trudged onward to the land of the Laestrygonians, and we were given what has to be the laziest way anyone has ever introduced the concept of cannibalism:<\/p>\n

Snatching one of my men, he tore him up for dinner.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Odysseus & Co. were able to escape, but not before losing a handful of expendable redshirts. We’re down to just one ship full of men out of what was once an entire squadron. Way to go, Odysseus.<\/p>\n

Now, here is the bad news: the \u00a0remaining crewmen were turned into pigs by the sea-witch \u00a0Circe. The good news: Odysseus was given the opportunity \u00a0to right this heinous wrong. All he had to do was get naked with Circe, and then live with her as her lover for an entire year. Well, actually, he didn’t have<\/em> to do that second part. This did not, however, stop him from \u00a0doing it. \u00a0Roughly speaking, here’s how the \u00a0conversation went:<\/p>\n

CIRCE:<\/strong> \u00a0Have sex with me.
\nODYSSEUS:<\/strong> \u00a0Never! I bet this is a trick.
\nCIRCE:<\/strong> \u00a0It’s not.
\nODYSSEUS:<\/strong> \u00a0Good point.<\/p>\n

[ONE YEAR LATER.]<\/p>\n

RANDOM CREWMAN:<\/strong> Odysseus, shouldn’t we be getting back to Ithaca? You have a family.
\nODYSSEUS:<\/strong> I have a what now?<\/p>\n

Book 11: The Kingdom of the Dead<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you were to die, who are the five people you’d most want to meet in the afterlife? Would your answer change if you knew they were going to slither toward you, ghost-like, and \u00a0ask you to do things? It would for me. I’d just opt out entirely. I get that you’re dead, my guy, but I can only accomplish one or two tasks per day. I’m certainly not going to pick up the slack on \u00a0your<\/em> to-do list just because you don’t have the good sense to still be alive.<\/p>\n

Circe told Odysseus he’d have to sail to the realm of the dead and speak to a prophet, \u00a0Tiresias, if he ever wanted to make it home. Upon arriving \u00a0in the dark swamp netherworld that is Hades, \u00a0Odysseus \u00a0found himself chatting with a parade of dead people, including:<\/p>\n