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When you’re buying flowers for someone, it’s always good to remember that a rose means “I love you,” whereas a ghost orchid means “I think you are rare, expensive, and thrive in the swamplands of Florida.” It’s the same with books. When you’re giving someone a book as a gift, your choice of book says volumes. (I hate myself for that pun, but it’s too late, I already typed it.) So, you see, if you’re going to buy someone a book, you’d best know what kind of message you’re sending. Case in point:<\/p>\n
The Great Gatsby<\/a><\/strong>\u2014Our relationship is most likely \u00a0going to end in either disillusionment or death.<\/p>\n The Picture of Dorian Gray<\/a><\/strong>\u2014You are beautiful, selfish, and emotionally unavailable.<\/p>\n Catch-22<\/a><\/strong>\u2014You are confusing and objectionable.<\/p>\n Great Expectations<\/a><\/strong>\u2014You will probably amount to very little without the help of a wealthy beneficiary who owes you a life debt.<\/p>\n Lord of the Flies<\/a><\/strong>\u2014Given the right set of circumstances, I would not hesitate to cast off the shackles of polite society and proceed to hunt you for sport.<\/p>\n The Tell-Tale Heart and Other Writings<\/a><\/strong>\u2014I know your secret and you’re not fooling anyone.<\/p>\n Wuthering Heights<\/a><\/strong>\u2014You have terrible taste in men and will probably die for it.<\/p>\n In Cold Blood<\/a><\/strong>\u2014I’m feeling like maybe you get TOO MUCH sleep at night. Here, have a book that will ensure your dreams are vivid and bursting with nightmares.<\/p>\n On the Road<\/a><\/strong>\u2014Try not to fall in love with me.<\/p>\n Of Mice and Men<\/a><\/strong>\u2014I want you to know you’re my best friend, and I care about you, but I would definitely murder you if things got dicey.<\/p>\n Pride and Prejudice<\/a><\/strong>\u2014I would date you in spite of your shortcomings.<\/p>\n The Book Thief<\/a><\/strong>\u2014I hate you and want you to suffer.<\/p>\n Brave New World<\/a><\/strong>\u2014When I think of you, I think “post-apocalyptic dystopian cityscape.”<\/p>\n Jane Eyre<\/a><\/strong>\u2014You are objectively not good-looking.<\/p>\n The Old Man and the Sea<\/a><\/strong>\u2014No pressure, but you’re racing against the ever-tightening noose of time and in all likelihood you will never accomplish anything.<\/p>\n Atlas Shrugged<\/a><\/strong>\u2014Do not look me in the eye, ever.<\/p>\n Slaughterhouse-5<\/a><\/strong>\u2014I’ve noticed you care nothing for the worldly constraints of time and space, and largely prefer a nonlinear narrative.<\/p>\n Heart of Darkness<\/a><\/strong>\u2014I strongly suspect there is a simmering evil lying dormant inside us both.<\/p>\n The Importance of Being Earnest<\/a><\/strong>\u2014I admire your silk cravat.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When you’re buying flowers for someone, it’s always good to remember that a rose means “I love you,” whereas a ghost orchid means “I think you are rare, expensive, and thrive in the swamplands of continue reading<\/span>