![\"\"](\"http:\/\/img.sparknotes.com\/content\/sparklife\/sparktalk\/may19preexistingconditionsMAIN_LargeWide.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n
Depending on your insurance plan and what year it is, a “pre-existing condition” is a medical issue that might make your health insurance more expensive.<\/p>\n
“Even in literature?” you ask, to which I say yes. Especially in literature.<\/p>\n
The pre-existing condition: Being a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher
\n<\/b>Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers can be denied affordable coverage on the grounds that they are more likely to wind up dead, devoid of a soul, or the victim of a Memory Charm gone wrong.<\/p>\n
The pre-existing condition: A tendency to die when stabbed The pre-existing condition: Being in love The pre-existing condition: Independent thought The pre-existing condition: Generosity of spirit The pre-existing condition: Being a Montague The pre-existing condition: Being a Capulet The pre-existing condition: Being friends with a Montague or a Capulet, despite the fact that you yourself are neither The pre-existing condition: Going \u00a0outside \u00a0when it’s raining The pre-existing condition: Being blind The pre-existing condition: Having an affair The pre-existing condition: Dabbling in alchemy Depending on your insurance plan and what year it is, a “pre-existing condition” is a medical issue that might make your health insurance more expensive. “Even in literature?” you ask, to which I say yes. continue reading<\/span>
\n<\/b>Whether you’re a star-crossed lover<\/a>, a Roman general<\/a>, or just some guy hanging out in the curtains<\/a>, odds are you’re liable to die when stabbed and that’s a risk most insurance companies aren’t willing to take.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Being in love is considered \u201chigh-risk.\u201d Catherine and Heathcliff were in love, and where did that<\/a> get them? Dead and buried in adjoining graves is where.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Feel free to question the the dystopian regime and whether we have always been at war with Eastasia<\/a>; just know that whatever happens, you’ll be paying out of pocket.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Idiopathic generosity of spirit is the number-one cause of death in \u00a0House-elves<\/a>, \u00a0street urchins<\/a>, and \u00a0little sisters<\/a>.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>If you are a Montague<\/a>, you have a better-than-average chance of dying at the hands of a Capulet. Expect to pay higher premiums.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>If you are a Capulet<\/a>, you have a better-than-average chance of dying at the hands of a Montague. Expect to pay higher premiums.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>If you know a Montague or a Capulet, you have a better-than-average chance of getting murdered in the middle of the public square<\/a>. Your death will shift the tone of the entire production. Expect to pay higher premiums.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>If there is anything in your medical history that suggests you may be prone to spending excessive amounts of time outside in the rain<\/a> \u00a0during the Regency era, you will \u00a0be charged additional rates.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>If you want affordable healthcare and you’re a Cyclops in Greek mythology<\/a>, well, you should’ve thought about that before someone stabbed you in the eye with a stick and stole your cheese.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Will likely result in you becoming so ill out of shame<\/a> that you die.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Dabbling in alchemy places you in a high-risk insurance pool. See \u00a0Victor Frankenstein<\/a>, who had an interest in alchemy and fell ill every time something even slightly distressing happened to him. And just look how that turned out. (\u201cDude created an abomination of nature, pretty much everyone died including him\u201d is how it turned out.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"