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As we all know, the reason millennials can’t afford to buy houses is because they spend anywhere between $10 and $8,000 on avocado toast daily. We know this because an Australian millionaire pointed it out to us<\/a> recently, and the logic checks out.<\/p>\n What you might not know is that this isn’t a new problem. People have been splurging on avocado toast to their own (often financial) detriment for centuries. Why do you think all the best literary classics feature prominent themes of avocado toast acquisition gone awry? Case in point:<\/p>\n Eve from \u00a0Paradise<\/em> Lost<\/i><\/a> Valjean from Les Mis\u00e9rables<\/a><\/i> Dorian Gray from The Picture of Dorian Gray<\/a><\/i> The crew from The Odyssey<\/a><\/i> Basically everyone \u00a0from Inferno<\/a><\/i> Gatsby from The Great Gatsby<\/a><\/i> The Achaeans \u00a0from The Iliad<\/a><\/i> The Elliot family from \u00a0Persuasion<\/a><\/i> Frodo from The<\/i> Lord of the Rings<\/i><\/a> Hester from The Scarlet Letter<\/a><\/i> As we all know, the reason millennials can’t afford to buy houses is because they spend anywhere between $10 and $8,000 on avocado toast daily. We know this because an Australian millionaire pointed it out continue reading<\/span>
\n<\/b>We all know the story of how Satan tempted Eve with the avocado toast and consequently brought about the fall of man.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Remember how Jean Valjean went to prison for stealing a loaf of avocado toast to save his starving sister’s son?<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>When young Dorian Gray realized nothing lasts forever, he sold his soul in exchange for eternal avocado toast, thereby prompting his own moral decay and descent into hedonism.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>If \u00a0the crewmen of Odysseus had simply refrained from eating the avocado toast of the sun god Helios, it’s possible Zeus would have sent them a favorable wind rather than a terrible storm, and everyone would have made it safely home to Ithaca.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>The ninth circle of hell is reserved for people who have splurged on avocado toast.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Ultimately, Daisy couldn’t be with Gatsby because he was \u201cnew money\u201d and likely a bootlegger, having acquired his massive wealth by smuggling avocado toast during Prohibition.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>How many men had to die because Agamemnon took the avocado toast from Achilles as compensation for losing Chryseis, thus robbing Achilles of the spoils of war to which he was entitled?<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Seven years after Anne Elliot broke off her engagement with the dashing Frederick Wentworth, the Elliots found themselves in financial trouble due to the actions of their irresponsible patriarch Sir Walter, who had squandered the once considerable family fortune on avocado toast.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Frodo wished the avocado toast had never come to him, but still the young hobbit persevered until he had successfully thrown the cursed item into the fires of Mordor.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>The \u00a0scarlet letter “A” stitched into her \u00a0dress? It stands for “avocado toast.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"