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I’ve watched a lot of movies in my day. I don’t know how many, exactly, but definitely more than seven. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n And in those seven-plus movies, I’ve noticed that characters often utter the same recycled dialogue over and over again\u2014which would be fine if they were saying the kinds of things people say just as frequently in real life, but they never are. Instead, they are saying the kinds of things no one has occasion to say to another person ever. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I don’t know if it’s because coming up with dialogue is hard, or because all the dialogue in the world has already been written so why bother writing more, or because screenwriters are not actually human beings but aliens just pretending. Whatever the reason, here are some lines from movies that hardly anyone ever says, paired with the only situation in which they are acceptable.<\/p>\n The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cDon’t you die on me!\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cIf I wanted to kill you, I’d have done it already.\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cIs this some kind of sick joke?\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cWhy are you doing this to me?\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> [EXCESSIVE KEYBOARD CLACKING] \u201cI’m in.\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cNot so fast!\u201d The dialogue: <\/b>\u201cWe’ve got to stop meeting like this.\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cWhat’s the meaning of this?\u201d The dialogue: <\/b>\u201cYou just don’t get it, do you?\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cWe’re not so different, you and I.\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cYou don’t have to do this!\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cDon’t you think I know that!\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cAre you thinking what I’m thinking?\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> Not on my watch! The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cI didn’t sign up for this!\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cYou’ll never get away with this!\u201d The dialogue:<\/b> \u201cStay here!\u201d I’ve watched a lot of movies in my day. I don’t know how many, exactly, but definitely more than seven. \u00a0 And in those seven-plus movies, I’ve noticed that characters often utter the same recycled continue reading<\/span>
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When your laptop battery is on 1% and you can’t find the charger.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When you see a spider in your apartment that you’re far too afraid to squish.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When you think someone told you a sick joke but you’re not 100% sure.<\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/i>The only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When someone asks about your plans after graduation.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When you remember your password on the last possible attempt.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When the group chat’s going off and you don’t have time to find a relevant meme.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When your shopaholics anonymous group keeps holding its meetings at the mall.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When you’re trying to read \u00a0anything at all by James Joyce.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When someone points and says, \u201cThere’s a spot!\u201d but you’d have to parallel park. Between two cars.<\/em> What are you, a wizard?<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When you get paired up with someone you hate<\/i> for a project but you guys actually come together and pull off a successful PowerPoint about the Byzantine Empire.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas and a relative brings up politics.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When you happen across an article online titled \u201cHere’s 24 Things You Didn’t Know About [THING YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH].\u201d<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When you’re trying to suss out telepaths.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When someone sits on your watch.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When you sign a petition one time<\/i> and get emails about it forever.<\/p>\n
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> When someone tries to steal something really big, like an ATM or a blue whale.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI’m coming with you!\u201d
\nThe only situation in which it’s acceptable:<\/b> Never. There is never a situation where \u00a0one person should accompany another instead of just \u00a0waiting for them to return, preferably on a really comfortable chair with a snack in hand. It’s simply too much walking. I’m looking out for you<\/em> here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"