In early 1880, Vincent took a pivotal trip to Courierres,
during which he did a lot of drawing and walking. He wrote to Theo
that he had realized that this was a "molting time" for him, and
that "with evangelists it is the same as with artists," implying
that art was the door he had finally discovered, at age twenty-seven,
to understand his own personal brand of spiritual communion with
the world (L 133, July 1880). In October 1880, Vincent suddenly moved
to Brussels to study the formal aspects of anatomical and perspective
drawing. In Brussels he met a younger Dutch painter named Anton
van Rappard and worked in his studio, and they soon became friends.
Living in a cheap hotel, money was tight, despite monthly allowances
from his father and from Theo. He considered studying at the Belgian
Academie des Beaux-Arts, and he even enrolled, but apparently he
never matriculated. Vincent became restless, desiring to move back
to the country to continue drawing peasant life, his favorite subject
then, or to Paris, where Theo was living, but his financial situation
forced him to move back to his parents' home in Etten in April
1881.
Van Gogh's career as an artist began in earnest in Etten,
where he was able to try his hand at portraiture, using his favorite
sister Wil, who was visiting, as a model. He visited The Hague
in the fall of 1881 to ask his old supervisor at Goupil for advice
and to seek the counsel of his cousin, the painter Anton Mauve,
a member of The Hague School of Realist painters. Mauve and Vincent
got along well, and Mauve believed in Vincent's potential as an
artist, provoking Vincent to write happily to Theo that "what seemed
to be impossible before is gradually becoming possible now....
Diggers, sowers, plowers, male and female are what I must draw
continually. I have to observe and draw everything that belongs
to country life.... I no longer stand helpless before nature as
I used to" (L 150, Sept. 1881). In Etten he did exactly that, copying
Millet's pictures of workers, and making his own drawings (in pencil,
charcoal, chalk, pen and ink, and sometimes watercolors) of peasant
life from reality as well as studies from paintings and photographs.
Some of his more finished works from the Etten period include Portrait
of an Elderly Gentleman, July 1881, and Farmer
Sitting by the Fireplace, Reading, October 1881–however,
much work from this period has been lost. Van Rappard visited Vincent
briefly in Etten, and Vincent showed him the progress he had made
in his country sketches.
In the summer of 1881, Vincent fell in love again, this
time with his cousin Kee Vos, who was staying in Etten. He pursued
her ardently, not discouraged by her numerous refusals, and in
December traveled to Amsterdam to see her and to make a plea to
her parents for marriage. It did not go well. However, after leaving
Amsterdam heartbroken again, he visited Mauve in The Hague and worked
in his studio for a few weeks, eventually deciding that he should
move there permanently.