Consequences and Accepting Responsibility

In fact, if Lorraine felt like saying one of us murdered Mr. Pignati, she should have blamed Norton. He’s the one who finally caused all the trouble.

John presents this argument in Chapter 5 as he continues to explore his and Lorraine’s relationship to Mr. Pignati’s death, which he first raised in Chapter 3. At this point, while John is just beginning to write about and process what happened with Mr. Pignati, he still looks to deflect blame elsewhere. John proved himself correct in his intuitive desire to keep Norton away from Mr. Pignati’s home. However, this quote shows John’s effort to blame Mr. Pignati’s death on the havoc caused by Norton, namely the broken pigs and oscilloscope, instead of the havoc caused by John’s complete breach of Mr. Pignati’s trust by throwing a party in Mr. Pignati’s home without permission. Since John and Mr. Pignati were friends, he owed Mr. Pignati better. John’s simple analysis here reflects his refusal to address his own role in Mr. Pignati’s death or even to acknowledge the inherent danger of the relationship in the first place.

Everything that happened from then on Lorraine blames me for, and maybe she’s right.

Here, in Chapter 11, John reflects on events of the week when Mr. Pignati was hospitalized. John’s thought shows his acknowledgment that he actually played a role in Mr. Pignati’s death and demonstrates that he is, at last, ready to start accepting some responsibility for his actions. With Mr. Pignati away, John and Lorraine immerse themselves in a pretend life in which they are adults. The week culminates in the chaos of a party that John and Lorraine host in Mr. Pignati’s home, an event that shocks Mr. Pignati greatly—and quite possibly contributes to his death. The fact that John makes such an admission indicates that his self-protective barriers are finally breaking and he has reached an understanding that his actions have consequences. This sentiment reveals his real, if small, strides toward maturity.

There was no one else to blame anymore. No Bores or Old Ladies or Nortons, or Assassins waiting at the bridge. And there was no place to hide—no place across any river for a boatman to take us.

Our life would be what we made of it—nothing more, nothing less.

John makes this pronouncement at the end of the novel. These words signify the high point of John’s journey toward growing up. At the beginning of the novel, John constantly attempts to blame others for Mr. Pignati’s death. He denies any feelings of guilt over the consequences of the decisions he made even though the party was his idea alone. Now John understands that he was only lying to himself. Not only is John now prepared to take responsibility for what happened, he also is looking ahead. He acknowledges that he shapes his own future, that what happens in his life will be the result of the decisions he makes. This quote represents John’s first real step away from his dysfunctional childhood into adulthood.

The Effects of Deception and Pretension

He has these gigantic eyes that look right through you, especially if he’s in the middle of one of his fantastic everyday lies.

In Chapter 2, Lorraine reveals this key detail about John and his proclivity to tell lies. John lies constantly, a behavior that Lorraine believes he’s developed to ward off the boredom of life, such as when he lies to his parents simply to make them worry. Other times, John’s lies have a specific goal, such as when he lies to Mr. Pignati about the charity to get money from him. Lorraine lies to her mother to leave the house and have a social life. Because lying is a part of everyday life for John and Lorraine, they are naïve to ignore the consequences that will surely come from their habitual deception.

Maybe there are some lies you should never admit to. I had told [John] we had to be truthful, and now I was sorry because I think I knew before the Pigman opened his mouth what he would have to tell us in return.

In Chapter 10, Lorraine addresses the lies that she and John tell on a deeper level than she previously has. Earlier in the novel, Lorraine explained that she lies to her mom to get out of the house and that John lies constantly to make fun of someone or to worry his parents. These lies help them stave off the boredom of life. But in the case of Mr. Pignati, John told a lie simply to get money from him, which arguably is worse. Now that they know Mr. Pignati better, John and Lorraine feel guilty about cheating him. Lorraine believed that pursuing the truth was of utmost importance, but her words here reveal that she realizes that if she and John told the truth, then Mr. Pignati would feel like he owes them the truth too—the very truth he has been trying to suppress even from himself. Lorraine’s words present a vastly different, almost compassionate, reasoning for lying.

There was a full-length mirror on the door, and when I saw myself, I realized I wasn’t plain old John Conlan anymore. I was a famous actor getting ready to go before the cameras to play the role of a distinguished European businessman and lover.

In Chapter 11, John tries on Mr. Pignati’s suit and creates this alternative identity for himself, choosing to play the part of the actor he wants to grow up to be. John’s action inspires Lorraine to dress up and take on a different persona as well. Here, instead of being the often-criticized and apathetic high school kids pretending to be adults, John and Lorraine are transformed into glamorous actors. When John kisses Lorraine, neither Lorraine nor the reader can tell if the kiss is induced by the play acting or if the play acting provides John the excuse to do something he wants to do. All of their pretending clouds reality for John, who doesn’t know if he sees Lorraine as anything more than his crazy friend.

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks onto the pillow as I remembered the condition of Mr. Pignati’s house. Would he think we had forsaken him and deliberately ripped his wife’s clothes—viciously broken the pigs? I wanted to phone him and say, Mr. Pignati, we didn’t mean things to work out like that. We were just playing.

In Chapter 14, Lorraine lies in bed on the night of the party and thinks what she really would like to tell Mr. Pignati about the party and their relationship. Lorraine understands that when Mr. Pignati sees what John and Lorraine have allowed to happen to his home, he will view their friendship as a relationship they pursued to get something from him: the treats, the gifts, an empty house for a party. Lorraine knows, at least in her heart, that there was no malice or ill intent. She got caught up in the fun of their times with Mr. Pignati, but she also got caught up in pretending to be older than she was. She hopes that Mr. Pignati won’t take what happened as a serious indication of her feelings because she didn’t mean to hurt him.

The Importance of Connection

It was great how happy he was to see us. I can’t remember Bore, or my mother either for that matter, ever looking happy to see me, let alone when I came into the house with a friend.

In Chapter 7, John and Lorraine make their first evening visit to Mr. Pignati, and John reflects on Mr. Pignati’s open appreciation for their company. John has come from a typical dinner with his parents, who have little interest in hearing anything he has to say. They belittle John’s dreams, and his mother even kicks John out of the house for the night for fear he will upset his father. John’s words about his parents’ unhappiness may not reflect reality, but they do reflect John’s emotional state. By contrast, Mr. Pignati welcomes John and Lorraine into his company with his whole heart. The fact that John compares Mr. Pignati to his parents shows just how desperate he is for some form of parental or adult connection.

One part of me was saying ‘Don’t let this nice old man waste his money,’ and the other half was saying ‘Enjoy it, enjoy doing something absolutely absurd’—something that let me be a child in a way I never could be with my mother, something just silly and absurd and . . . beautiful.

Lorraine’s words in Chapter 8 express her feelings of guilt at allowing Mr. Pignati to spend money on gifts for her, but at the same time, part of her realizes that she needs just that type of selfless love. As her mother is so bitter and unhappy, Lorraine has had few true childhood experiences to speak of. Lorraine’s mother inundates her with stories of predatory men, prefers Lorraine to stay home and clean the house instead of go to school, and forbids Lorraine from normal childhood pleasures, like having a pet or hanging out with friends. With Mr. Pignati, Lorraine at lasts finds the normal kind of connections that young people have with older family members who spoil them for no other reason than they exist.

‘We loved each other. We didn’t need anyone else. She did everything for me. We were each other’s life,’ he managed to say and then broke into sobs.

Here, in Chapter 10, in response to John and Lorraine’s confession that they are not charity workers, Mr. Pignati admits that his wife Conchetta is dead. The obvious pain he feels at this loss and the way he presents their relationship as completely intertwined create a simple but powerful demonstration of the importance of connecting with another human. Lorraine, the chapter’s narrator, has never seen such a close and loving relationship, but she can understand just how much Mr. Pignati and Conchetta meant to each other. She also already knows that Conchetta is dead, so she understands that Mr. Pignati feels so connected to his wife that he can’t let go of her, even for death. This seems to be the first role model Lorraine has seen for a healthy relationship, and perhaps learning from Mr. Pignati will help her in the future. Also of note is how Mr. Pignati responds to John and Lorraine’s revelation of an uncomfortable truth with his own, showing that the three are growing closer and more trusting.

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