by: William Shakespeare

Original Text

Modern Text

I must to England, you know that?
I have to go to England, don’t you know that?
I had forgot. 'Tis so concluded on.
Ah, I’d forgotten all about that! It’s been decided.
There’s letters sealed, and my two schoolfellows,
Whom I will trust as I will adders fanged,
They bear the mandate. They must sweep my way
210And marshal me to knavery. Let it work,
For ’tis the sport to have the engineer
Hoist with his own petard. And ’t shall go hard,
But I will delve one yard below their mines,
And blow them at the moon. Oh, ’tis most sweet
215When in one line two crafts directly meet.
(indicates POLONIUS )
This man shall set me packing.
I’ll lug the guts into the neighbor room.
Mother, good night. Indeed this counselor
220Is now most still, most secret, and most grave
Who was in life a foolish prating knave.—
Come, sir, to draw toward an end with you.—
Good night, mother.
Yes, it’s a done deal, the documents are ready, and my two schoolmates, whom I trust about as much as rattlesnakes, are in charge. They’re the ones who’ll lead me on my march to mischief. Let it happen. It’s fun to watch the engineer get blown up by his own explosives, and with any luck I’ll dig a few feet below their bombs and blow them to the moon. Oh, it’s nice to kill two birds with one stone. (points to POLONIUS) Now that I’ve killed this guy, I’ll be off in a hurry. I’ll lug his guts into the next room. Mother, have a good night. This politician who was in life a babbling idiot is now quiet and serious. Come on, sir, let’s get to the end of our business. Good night, mother.
Exeunt, HAMLET tugging in POLONIUS
They exit, HAMLET dragging POLONIUS offstage.