payment page
"I want to spend time with you," he explained.
I didn't know how to handle all this attention from my father.
It seemed we had increased our intermix ratio by a substantial factor. But it was nice.
In this quotation from Chapter 36, Stephen tells Darius that he wants to spend time with him, a significant change from the beginning of the novel when Darius believed his father didn’t enjoy being with him. Darius refers to the time he spends with his dad as their “intermix ratio.” Over the course of the book, the intermix ratio transforms from a nightly 45-minute viewing of Star Trek at home to Stephen and Darius spending quality time together walking through Yazd. Stephen leaves his sketchbook at home and talks openly with Darius about his feelings, and Darius adjusts positively to this new dynamic between them.
I never knew how close I had come to losing him.
How hard he fought to stay with us, even if it made him into a Borg drone.
I didn't want to lose him.
And he didn't want to lose me.
He just didn't know how to say it out loud.
I think I understood my father better than I ever had before.
In this quotation from Chapter 36, Darius reflects on what he’s learned about his father on the trip and how it changes his views on how his father feels about him. Darius has assumed that his dad was disappointed in him. With this new information, Darius is able to reframe his dad’s behavior as protective rather than critical. Like Darius, Stephen has difficulty saying how he truly feels, and he needs to use sci-fi metaphors like “first, best destiny” to describe his feelings. Darius always thought his dad had no trouble getting a diagnosis and finding the right medication to make him feel normal, but he learns that Stephen’s struggles with depression have actually been as intense as his own.
The worst was watching Mom say good-bye to Babou.
They knew they were never going to see each other again.
I thought about what Mom had said: how she wishes I had known him before. Back when he was warmer. Stronger. Happier.
I knew she was saying goodbye to that Babou too. The one who carried her piggyback through the streets of Yazd.
In this quotation from Chapter 37, Shirin hugs her father before she leaves to go back to America. Because Babou’s tumor is getting worse, he will likely pass away before the Kellner family gets a chance to come back to Yazd. The hug between Shirin and Babou serves as a sort of moment before death. Shirin and Babou’s relationship flashes before Darius’s eyes. Darius knows his mom is grieving not only the Babou of today, but also the strong, proud man of her youth—the man she always viewed as a hero. Despite all of their miscommunications and disagreements, Shirin and Babou have a deep connection. Just as Stephen and Darius begin a new phase of their relationship, Shirin enters a new phase of understanding her parents.
