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Charlie Spring, one of the novel’s protagonists, is popular and likeable, but he struggles to believe that he is worthy of love. In some ways, he’s quite confident and sure of himself. For example, he came out to a few people as gay in Year 9. He excels in school and as a runner, and he plays the drums, illustrating that he is secure in expressing his many talents and has extrinsic reasons to feel confident. But Charlie is particularly timid in his interactions with other boys. These feelings are partially the result of the bullying he experienced when he came out, since being scrutinized and scorned by his peers left him traumatized. Charlie is often overly apologetic, and Nick points out that he says he’s sorry in unusual contexts, such as when Ben attacked him. The fact that Charlie feels the need to apologize when other people cause him harm suggests that he struggles with issues of self-worth. Being invited to join the rugby team is a big step forward in building Charlie’s confidence. The invitation makes him feel welcome and accepted by more of his peers, and his adeptness on the pitch helps build his strength and his confidence.
With Nick’s help, Charlie grows in self-confidence, but he remains cautious in terms of escalating his relationship with Nick. Initially, Charlie fears that Nick’s daily greetings are a subtle way of making fun of him, reminding of the bullying he experienced. As Nick spends more time with Charlie and continues to reassure him that he is likeable in general and that Nick in particular likes him, Charlie grows in confidence. He also finds himself falling in love with Nick, but traces of his temerity linger. Rather than act on his feelings, Charlie remains passive and guarded. Even as Nick wrestles with him, tousles his hair, wraps him in a blanket, and offers Charlie his hoodie, Charlie continues to back away physically, certain that Nick is straight and fearful that his own advances will be rejected. Charlie’s tendency to dwell inside his own uncertainty and feelings of unworthiness cause him to miss the signals that Nick sends to him. He remains uncertain of his status with Nick even after they kiss, because Nick then runs away, and the novel ends with Charlie feeling crushed.
