payment page
He did love her. They loved each other a ridiculous amount[...] They were totally the parents who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. I used to tell them how gross they were. But honestly, it was kind of nice you know? To see that two people could love each other that much after so many years.
This passage comes from a dialogue between Grace and Macy, after Macy has just made her shocking revelations in Chapter 54: she’s a witch, Uncle Finn is a warlock, and Grace comes from a family of witches. As Grace's parents have both died, Macy knows that any new information that she reveals about them is going to be particularly sensitive for Grace. Trying to soften the blow, Macy asks about Grace’s parents’ romantic relationship. Although she finds it extremely difficult to talk about them, Grace is surprised to find comfort in confidently being able to say how much her parents loved each other. It's one of the moments where she's able to feel grateful for their lives, rather than only devastated about their deaths.
I don’t remember that they’re gone and I’m never going to see them again.
I don’t remember that I’m alone.
And then it hits me all over again, and so does the grief.
Grace typically avoids thinking about her parents' death, as it still deeply traumatizes her and it can take her a while to emotionally recalibrate afterwards. However, in this passage from Chapter 12, Grace is reacting to Lia’s sudden revelation that her own boyfriend died the previous year. Grace was not expecting this whatsoever, and Lia’s sudden mention of it triggers Grace’s grief. In these moments, Grace's internal monologue regresses to a voice far younger than her years. She’s usually quite measured and somewhat mature, but here she’s thinking in the voice of her younger self. She goes from feeling happy to have met Lia to feeling like a child crying out in the wilderness, having lost everything it knows.
Then I got so many hugs I didn’t want from well-meaning people who didn’t know what else to do that backing away became self-preservation... It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to make a grab for [my phone]. But real friends are important—not to mention few and far between.
In Chapter 12, during a moment of shared confidences about their recent tragic losses, Lia steps forward to embrace Grace, who feels she can’t refuse. Yet, as the narrative reveals, the hug actually serves Lia more than it does Grace. As someone who habitually distances herself from her emotions, Grace has learned to dodge hugs or to withdraw from them. Especially after her parents’ deaths, she is unwilling to engage with people who want her to share her feelings: she’s scared she will break down. However, because she knows it’s important to make friends at Katmere, and because she likes Lia and feels they have things in common, Grace allows the embrace.
