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He’s very different from your other friends, isn’t he? You seem much more like yourself around him.”
This quote takes place towards the middle of “Crush,” after Charlie visits Nick’s house for the first time. Here, Nick’s mom points out the difference she sees in Nick when he’s with Charlie, a difference that Nick finds it difficult to perceive in himself. He wonders about what she sees, and it leaves him pensive, trying to understand the nature of his friendship with Charlie. Unlike Charlie, Nick has no experience falling in love with a boy, so he doesn’t know how to recognize or process the feelings he experiences when he spends time with Charlie. He remains somewhat mysterious to himself as he goes through the process of discovering that his identity is different than he had always assumed. The fact that his mother can recognize Nick’s internal changes, even before he does, helps him on the journey towards better understanding himself.
Are you okay?
I fell for a straight boy ... haha ...
This quote takes place in “Meet,” after Charlie returns from his visit to Nick’s house. Tori catches him sniffing Nick’s hoodie and, sensing strong emotions, she checks in with him to see how he’s doing. Charlie’s first visit to Nick’s house is magical. From meeting Nick’s dog to playing in the snow to being wrapped in Nick’s blanket, Charlie is enchanted. These are the moments that adolescent crushes are made of, and Charlie recognizes them for what they are. He’s falling in love. And that’s a problem, because as far as he knows, Nick is straight. Charlie half-laughingly, half in tears, confesses that he doesn’t know why he is allowing himself to be swept away by these emotions. Though he’s aware of his feelings for Nick, he doesn’t know why he’s falling for someone who should, by his own logic, be unable to return his affection.
"The Gay Quiz ... How Gay Are You ... The Gay Test… Am I Gay"
This scene, in which Nick uses internet articles and quizzes to try and assess his sexuality, takes place in “Crush” after Nick returns from spending the day hanging out with Charlie. Nick’s decision to search the internet for the answer to the question of his sexuality demonstrates how confused he is about the nature of his relationship with Charlie and what that might mean for his identity. Because he is bewildered and overwhelmed by his feelings as his relationship with Charlie deepens, he turns to sources outside of himself and tries to assess his identity as though it were a school research project. This illustrates his desperation to have answers, the loneliness of trying to get those answers without turning to trusted guides, and his own determination to get to the bottom of his own feelings. As a teenager going through the tender process of self-discovery, Nick is still a mystery to himself—a mystery he’s determined to solve.
