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When I finished telling Esther the story, she had tears in her eyes and she couldn’t decide whether to rub my head or hug me. In the end she did neither, but said, "None of what happened was your fault. You were just a little boy, and anytime you want to tell me anything, I am here to listen."
This passage in Chapter 17 portrays the beginning of Ishmael’s relationship with Esther. Ishmael has just shared a gruesome story with her. He tells her how he was seriously injured in the war and how, at the urging of his lieutenant, he got revenge by ruthlessly killing six people. He expects that Esther will not want to be near him after this story, but instead she comforts Ishmael. The tears in Esther’s eyes reveal that she feels sad for him, rather than angry at his wartime deeds. Her words suggest that she does not blame him for the things he’s done. This kind treatment helps Ishmael begin to come to terms with his past and forgive himself for the trauma he has gone through. She also offers to listen anytime he wants to tell her more, a sign of friendship. Esther will be the first friend Ishmael makes outside of war.
Their blood began to fill the room, its tide quickly rising. They wailed, causing me great anguish. I held my ears to stop hearing them, but I began to feel their pain. Each time a person was stabbed, I felt it worse; I saw the blood dripping from the same part of my body as that of the victim.
This passage from Chapter 17 describes one of the dreams Ishmael has while he is at the rehabilitation center. The dream consists of people fighting one another during war. Although the dream paints a bloody and violent scene, it signifies an important phase of healing. For the first time since being brainwashed, he can see the violence he committed as wrong. But more importantly he is finally able to empathize with his victims. The victims’ cries cause Ishmael to feel anguish. Their physical pain causes him to feel pain in his dream. He even sees physical injuries on his body where others are injured. Ishmael now sees the enemy as human, and he understands that they are not so different from him after all. Later in the dream, a door opens and Ishmael gets to see his family outside. This signifies that Ishmael is leaving the war behind to lead a normal life again.
"I really appreciate that you have offered me to stay with you. But I don’t even know you." I put my head down.
"Like I said, we cannot go back. But we can start from here. I am your family and that is enough for us to begin liking each other," he replied, rubbing my head and laughing a little.
In Chapter 18, Ishmael continues to heal from his trauma with the help of newly discovered family members. Ishmael is resistant to living with his uncle because he doesn’t know him. Unsurprisingly, Ishmael appears unsure whether he should accept help and affection from this man that he doesn’t know. Ishmael’s uncle’s words about not going back signify an acceptance of the trauma of the past. His uncle is not holding Ishmael responsible for the acts he committed as a child soldier, which allows Ishmael to begin to forgive himself as well. Tommy’s words about starting from here suggest there’s hope, and also the possibility of a better future. He shows kindness by speaking warmly and rubbing Ishmael’s head and laughing, which evokes a family familiarity that Ishmael hasn’t experienced since the beginning of the war and suggests this new family environment will give space for Ishmael to continue to heal.
