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“But hang it, Jim, you’ve clean missed the point—blame it, you’ve missed it a thousand mile.” “But hang it, Jim, you’ve clean missed the point—blame it, you’ve missed it a thousand mile.”
“Who? Me? Go ’long. Doan’ talk to me ’bout yo’ pints. I reck’n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain’ no sense in sich doin’s as dat. De ’spute warn’t ’bout a half a chile, de ’spute was ’bout a whole chile; en de man dat think he kin settle a ’spute ’bout a whole chile wid a half a chile doan’ know enough to come in out’n de rain. Doan’ talk to me ’bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him by de back.” “Who? Me? Go ’long. Doan’ talk to me ’bout yo’ pints. I reck’n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain’ no sense in sich doin’s as dat. De ’spute warn’t ’bout a half a chile, de ’spute was ’bout a whole chile; en de man dat think he kin settle a ’spute ’bout a whole chile wid a half a chile doan’ know enough to come in out’n de rain. Doan’ talk to me ’bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him by de back.”
“But I tell you you don’t get the point.” “But I tell you you don’t get the point.”
“Blame de point! I reck’n I knows what I knows. En mine you, de REAL pint is down furder—it’s down deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised. You take a man dat’s got on’y one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful o’ chillen? No, he ain’t; he can’t ’ford it. HE know how to value ’em. But you take a man dat’s got ’bout five million chillen runnin’ roun’ de house, en it’s diffunt. HE as soon chop a chile in two as a cat. Dey’s plenty mo’. A chile er two, mo’ er less, warn’t no consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!” “Blame de point! I reck’n I knows what I knows. En mine you, de REAL pint is down furder—it’s down deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised. You take a man dat’s got on’y one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful o’ chillen? No, he ain’t; he can’t ’ford it. HE know how to value ’em. But you take a man dat’s got ’bout five million chillen runnin’ roun’ de house, en it’s diffunt. HE as soon chop a chile in two as a cat. Dey’s plenty mo’. A chile er two, mo’ er less, warn’t no consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!”
I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head once, there warn’t no getting it out again. He was the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I went to talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide. I told about Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time ago; and about his little boy the dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut him up in jail, and some say he died there. I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head once, there warn’t no getting it out again. He was the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I went to talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide. I told about Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time ago; and about his little boy the dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut him up in jail, and some say he died there.
“Po’ little chap.” “Po’ little chap.”
“But some says he got out and got away, and come to America.” “But some says he got out and got away, and come to America.”
“Dat’s good! But he’ll be pooty lonesome—dey ain’ no kings here, is dey, Huck?” “Dat’s good! But he’ll be pooty lonesome—dey ain’ no kings here, is dey, Huck?”
“No.” “No.”
“Den he cain’t git no situation. What he gwyne to do?” “Den he cain’t git no situation. What he gwyne to do?”
“Well, I don’t know. Some of them gets on the police, and some of them learns people how to talk French.” “Well, I don’t know. Some of them gets on the police, and some of them learns people how to talk French.”
“Why, Huck, doan’ de French people talk de same way we does?” “Why, Huck, doan’ de French people talk de same way we does?”
“NO, Jim; you couldn’t understand a word they said—not a single word.” “NO, Jim; you couldn’t understand a word they said—not a single word.”
“Well, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?” “Well, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?”
“I don’t know; but it’s so. I got some of their jabber out of a book. S’pose a man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy—what would you think?” “I don’t know; but it’s so. I got some of their jabber out of a book. S’pose a man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy—what would you think?”
“I wouldn’ think nuff’n; I’d take en bust him over de head—dat is, if he warn’t white. I wouldn’t ’low no nigger to call me dat.” “I wouldn’ think nuff’n; I’d take en bust him over de head—dat is, if he warn’t white. I wouldn’t ’low no nigger to call me dat.”
“Shucks, it ain’t calling you anything. It’s only saying, do you know how to talk French?” “Shucks, it ain’t calling you anything. It’s only saying, do you know how to talk French?”
“Well, den, why couldn’t he SAY it?” “Well, den, why couldn’t he SAY it?”
“Why, he IS a-saying it. That’s a Frenchman’s WAY of saying it.” “Why, he IS a-saying it. That’s a Frenchman’s WAY of saying it.”
“Well, it’s a blame ridicklous way, en I doan’ want to hear no mo’ ’bout it. Dey ain’ no sense in it.” “Well, it’s a blame ridicklous way, en I doan’ want to hear no mo’ ’bout it. Dey ain’ no sense in it.”
“Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?” “Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?”
“No, a cat don’t.” “No, a cat don’t.”
“Well, does a cow?” “Well, does a cow?”
“No, a cow don’t, nuther.” “No, a cow don’t, nuther.”
“Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?” “Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?”
“No, dey don’t.” “No, dey don’t.”
“It’s natural and right for ’em to talk different from each other, ain’t it?” “It’s natural and right for ’em to talk different from each other, ain’t it?”
“Course.” “Course.”
“And ain’t it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk different from US?” “And ain’t it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk different from US?”
“Why, mos’ sholy it is.” “Why, mos’ sholy it is.”
“Well, then, why ain’t it natural and right for a FRENCHMAN to talk different from us? You answer me that.” “Well, then, why ain’t it natural and right for a FRENCHMAN to talk different from us? You answer me that.”
“Is a cat a man, Huck?” “Is a cat a man, Huck?”
“No.” “No.”
“Well, den, dey ain’t no sense in a cat talkin’ like a man. Is a cow a man?—er is a cow a cat?” “Well, den, dey ain’t no sense in a cat talkin’ like a man. Is a cow a man?—er is a cow a cat?”
“No, she ain’t either of them.” “No, she ain’t either of them.”
“Well, den, she ain’t got no business to talk like either one er the yuther of ’em. Is a Frenchman a man?” “Well, den, she ain’t got no business to talk like either one er the yuther of ’em. Is a Frenchman a man?”
“Yes.” “Yes.”
“WELL, den! Dad blame it, why doan’ he TALK like a man? You answer me DAT!” “WELL, den! Dad blame it, why doan’ he TALK like a man? You answer me DAT!”
I see it warn’t no use wasting words—you can’t learn a nigger to argue. So I quit. I see it warn’t no use wasting words—you can’t learn a nigger to argue. So I quit.

Original Text

Modern Text

“But hang it, Jim, you’ve clean missed the point—blame it, you’ve missed it a thousand mile.” “But hang it, Jim, you’ve clean missed the point—blame it, you’ve missed it a thousand mile.”
“Who? Me? Go ’long. Doan’ talk to me ’bout yo’ pints. I reck’n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain’ no sense in sich doin’s as dat. De ’spute warn’t ’bout a half a chile, de ’spute was ’bout a whole chile; en de man dat think he kin settle a ’spute ’bout a whole chile wid a half a chile doan’ know enough to come in out’n de rain. Doan’ talk to me ’bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him by de back.” “Who? Me? Go ’long. Doan’ talk to me ’bout yo’ pints. I reck’n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain’ no sense in sich doin’s as dat. De ’spute warn’t ’bout a half a chile, de ’spute was ’bout a whole chile; en de man dat think he kin settle a ’spute ’bout a whole chile wid a half a chile doan’ know enough to come in out’n de rain. Doan’ talk to me ’bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him by de back.”
“But I tell you you don’t get the point.” “But I tell you you don’t get the point.”
“Blame de point! I reck’n I knows what I knows. En mine you, de REAL pint is down furder—it’s down deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised. You take a man dat’s got on’y one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful o’ chillen? No, he ain’t; he can’t ’ford it. HE know how to value ’em. But you take a man dat’s got ’bout five million chillen runnin’ roun’ de house, en it’s diffunt. HE as soon chop a chile in two as a cat. Dey’s plenty mo’. A chile er two, mo’ er less, warn’t no consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!” “Blame de point! I reck’n I knows what I knows. En mine you, de REAL pint is down furder—it’s down deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised. You take a man dat’s got on’y one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful o’ chillen? No, he ain’t; he can’t ’ford it. HE know how to value ’em. But you take a man dat’s got ’bout five million chillen runnin’ roun’ de house, en it’s diffunt. HE as soon chop a chile in two as a cat. Dey’s plenty mo’. A chile er two, mo’ er less, warn’t no consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!”
I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head once, there warn’t no getting it out again. He was the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I went to talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide. I told about Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time ago; and about his little boy the dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut him up in jail, and some say he died there. I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head once, there warn’t no getting it out again. He was the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I went to talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide. I told about Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time ago; and about his little boy the dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut him up in jail, and some say he died there.
“Po’ little chap.” “Po’ little chap.”
“But some says he got out and got away, and come to America.” “But some says he got out and got away, and come to America.”
“Dat’s good! But he’ll be pooty lonesome—dey ain’ no kings here, is dey, Huck?” “Dat’s good! But he’ll be pooty lonesome—dey ain’ no kings here, is dey, Huck?”
“No.” “No.”
“Den he cain’t git no situation. What he gwyne to do?” “Den he cain’t git no situation. What he gwyne to do?”
“Well, I don’t know. Some of them gets on the police, and some of them learns people how to talk French.” “Well, I don’t know. Some of them gets on the police, and some of them learns people how to talk French.”
“Why, Huck, doan’ de French people talk de same way we does?” “Why, Huck, doan’ de French people talk de same way we does?”
“NO, Jim; you couldn’t understand a word they said—not a single word.” “NO, Jim; you couldn’t understand a word they said—not a single word.”
“Well, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?” “Well, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?”
“I don’t know; but it’s so. I got some of their jabber out of a book. S’pose a man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy—what would you think?” “I don’t know; but it’s so. I got some of their jabber out of a book. S’pose a man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy—what would you think?”
“I wouldn’ think nuff’n; I’d take en bust him over de head—dat is, if he warn’t white. I wouldn’t ’low no nigger to call me dat.” “I wouldn’ think nuff’n; I’d take en bust him over de head—dat is, if he warn’t white. I wouldn’t ’low no nigger to call me dat.”
“Shucks, it ain’t calling you anything. It’s only saying, do you know how to talk French?” “Shucks, it ain’t calling you anything. It’s only saying, do you know how to talk French?”
“Well, den, why couldn’t he SAY it?” “Well, den, why couldn’t he SAY it?”
“Why, he IS a-saying it. That’s a Frenchman’s WAY of saying it.” “Why, he IS a-saying it. That’s a Frenchman’s WAY of saying it.”
“Well, it’s a blame ridicklous way, en I doan’ want to hear no mo’ ’bout it. Dey ain’ no sense in it.” “Well, it’s a blame ridicklous way, en I doan’ want to hear no mo’ ’bout it. Dey ain’ no sense in it.”
“Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?” “Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?”
“No, a cat don’t.” “No, a cat don’t.”
“Well, does a cow?” “Well, does a cow?”
“No, a cow don’t, nuther.” “No, a cow don’t, nuther.”
“Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?” “Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?”
“No, dey don’t.” “No, dey don’t.”
“It’s natural and right for ’em to talk different from each other, ain’t it?” “It’s natural and right for ’em to talk different from each other, ain’t it?”
“Course.” “Course.”
“And ain’t it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk different from US?” “And ain’t it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk different from US?”
“Why, mos’ sholy it is.” “Why, mos’ sholy it is.”
“Well, then, why ain’t it natural and right for a FRENCHMAN to talk different from us? You answer me that.” “Well, then, why ain’t it natural and right for a FRENCHMAN to talk different from us? You answer me that.”
“Is a cat a man, Huck?” “Is a cat a man, Huck?”
“No.” “No.”
“Well, den, dey ain’t no sense in a cat talkin’ like a man. Is a cow a man?—er is a cow a cat?” “Well, den, dey ain’t no sense in a cat talkin’ like a man. Is a cow a man?—er is a cow a cat?”
“No, she ain’t either of them.” “No, she ain’t either of them.”
“Well, den, she ain’t got no business to talk like either one er the yuther of ’em. Is a Frenchman a man?” “Well, den, she ain’t got no business to talk like either one er the yuther of ’em. Is a Frenchman a man?”
“Yes.” “Yes.”
“WELL, den! Dad blame it, why doan’ he TALK like a man? You answer me DAT!” “WELL, den! Dad blame it, why doan’ he TALK like a man? You answer me DAT!”
I see it warn’t no use wasting words—you can’t learn a nigger to argue. So I quit. I see it warn’t no use wasting words—you can’t learn a nigger to argue. So I quit.