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Then the ringmaster he see how he had been fooled, and he WAS the sickest ringmaster you ever see, I reckon. Why, it was one of his own men! He had got up that joke all out of his own head, and never let on to nobody. Well, I felt sheepish enough to be took in so, but I wouldn’t a been in that ringmaster’s place, not for a thousand dollars. I don’t know; there may be bullier circuses than what that one was, but I never struck them yet. Anyways, it was plenty good enough for ME; and wherever I run across it, it can have all of MY custom every time. Then the ringmaster he see how he had been fooled, and he WAS the sickest ringmaster you ever see, I reckon. Why, it was one of his own men! He had got up that joke all out of his own head, and never let on to nobody. Well, I felt sheepish enough to be took in so, but I wouldn’t a been in that ringmaster’s place, not for a thousand dollars. I don’t know; there may be bullier circuses than what that one was, but I never struck them yet. Anyways, it was plenty good enough for ME; and wherever I run across it, it can have all of MY custom every time.
Well, that night we had OUR show; but there warn’t only about twelve people there—just enough to pay expenses. And they laughed all the time, and that made the duke mad; and everybody left, anyway, before the show was over, but one boy which was asleep. So the duke said these Arkansaw lunkheads couldn’t come up to Shakespeare; what they wanted was low comedy—and maybe something ruther worse than low comedy, he reckoned. He said he could size their style. So next morning he got some big sheets of wrapping paper and some black paint, and drawed off some handbills, and stuck them up all over the village. The bills said: Well, that night we had OUR show; but there warn’t only about twelve people there—just enough to pay expenses. And they laughed all the time, and that made the duke mad; and everybody left, anyway, before the show was over, but one boy which was asleep. So the duke said these Arkansaw lunkheads couldn’t come up to Shakespeare; what they wanted was low comedy—and maybe something ruther worse than low comedy, he reckoned. He said he could size their style. So next morning he got some big sheets of wrapping paper and some black paint, and drawed off some handbills, and stuck them up all over the village. The bills said:
AT THE COURT HOUSE! FOR 3 NIGHTS ONLY! AT THE COURT HOUSE! FOR 3 NIGHTS ONLY!
The World-Renowned Tragedians The World-Renowned Tragedians
DAVID GARRICK THE YOUNGER! DAVID GARRICK THE YOUNGER!
AND EDMUND KEAN THE ELDER! AND EDMUND KEAN THE ELDER!
Of the London and Of the London and
Continental Theatres, Continental Theatres,
In their Thrilling Tragedy of In their Thrilling Tragedy of
THE KING’S CAMELEOPARD, THE KING’S CAMELEOPARD,
OR THE ROYAL NONESUCH ! ! ! OR THE ROYAL NONESUCH ! ! !
Admission 50 cents. Admission 50 cents.
Then at the bottom was the biggest line of all, which said: Then at the bottom was the biggest line of all, which said:
LADIES AND CHILDREN NOT ADMITTED. LADIES AND CHILDREN NOT ADMITTED.
“There,” says he, “if that line don’t fetch them, I don’t know Arkansaw!” “There,” says he, “if that line don’t fetch them, I don’t know Arkansaw!”

Original Text

Modern Text

Then the ringmaster he see how he had been fooled, and he WAS the sickest ringmaster you ever see, I reckon. Why, it was one of his own men! He had got up that joke all out of his own head, and never let on to nobody. Well, I felt sheepish enough to be took in so, but I wouldn’t a been in that ringmaster’s place, not for a thousand dollars. I don’t know; there may be bullier circuses than what that one was, but I never struck them yet. Anyways, it was plenty good enough for ME; and wherever I run across it, it can have all of MY custom every time. Then the ringmaster he see how he had been fooled, and he WAS the sickest ringmaster you ever see, I reckon. Why, it was one of his own men! He had got up that joke all out of his own head, and never let on to nobody. Well, I felt sheepish enough to be took in so, but I wouldn’t a been in that ringmaster’s place, not for a thousand dollars. I don’t know; there may be bullier circuses than what that one was, but I never struck them yet. Anyways, it was plenty good enough for ME; and wherever I run across it, it can have all of MY custom every time.
Well, that night we had OUR show; but there warn’t only about twelve people there—just enough to pay expenses. And they laughed all the time, and that made the duke mad; and everybody left, anyway, before the show was over, but one boy which was asleep. So the duke said these Arkansaw lunkheads couldn’t come up to Shakespeare; what they wanted was low comedy—and maybe something ruther worse than low comedy, he reckoned. He said he could size their style. So next morning he got some big sheets of wrapping paper and some black paint, and drawed off some handbills, and stuck them up all over the village. The bills said: Well, that night we had OUR show; but there warn’t only about twelve people there—just enough to pay expenses. And they laughed all the time, and that made the duke mad; and everybody left, anyway, before the show was over, but one boy which was asleep. So the duke said these Arkansaw lunkheads couldn’t come up to Shakespeare; what they wanted was low comedy—and maybe something ruther worse than low comedy, he reckoned. He said he could size their style. So next morning he got some big sheets of wrapping paper and some black paint, and drawed off some handbills, and stuck them up all over the village. The bills said:
AT THE COURT HOUSE! FOR 3 NIGHTS ONLY! AT THE COURT HOUSE! FOR 3 NIGHTS ONLY!
The World-Renowned Tragedians The World-Renowned Tragedians
DAVID GARRICK THE YOUNGER! DAVID GARRICK THE YOUNGER!
AND EDMUND KEAN THE ELDER! AND EDMUND KEAN THE ELDER!
Of the London and Of the London and
Continental Theatres, Continental Theatres,
In their Thrilling Tragedy of In their Thrilling Tragedy of
THE KING’S CAMELEOPARD, THE KING’S CAMELEOPARD,
OR THE ROYAL NONESUCH ! ! ! OR THE ROYAL NONESUCH ! ! !
Admission 50 cents. Admission 50 cents.
Then at the bottom was the biggest line of all, which said: Then at the bottom was the biggest line of all, which said:
LADIES AND CHILDREN NOT ADMITTED. LADIES AND CHILDREN NOT ADMITTED.
“There,” says he, “if that line don’t fetch them, I don’t know Arkansaw!” “There,” says he, “if that line don’t fetch them, I don’t know Arkansaw!”