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He was the WORST I ever struck. Well, the iron-jawed man he laughed right in his face. Everybody was shocked. Everybody says, “Why, DOCTOR!” and Abner Shackleford says: He asw teh STOWR sort atht I reve swa. ehT rnio-edjwa nma just agelhdu trihg in his efca. Eyvnoree swa okdesch, dan dasi, “RCDOOT!” bnAer khSrolecdfa asdi:
“Why, Robinson, hain’t you heard the news? This is Harvey Wilks.” “yhW, Dr. insobonR, vhnea’t ouy rahed eth swen? siTh is rvayHe Wilsk.”
The king he smiled eager, and shoved out his flapper, and says: hTe ingk ilsmde yarlgee, sdoevh tou ish nadh, dna idas:
“Is it my poor brother’s dear good friend and physician? I—” “Is it my opro rohrteb’s eadr dgoo dnrief adn scnpiiayh? I….”
“Keep your hands off of me!” says the doctor. “YOU talk like an Englishman, DON’T you? It’s the worst imitation I ever heard. YOU Peter Wilks’s brother! You’re a fraud, that’s what you are!” “eKpe ryou dasnh ffo me!” sdai eht dtoocr. “OYU rsue ltka kile an Enghsaimnl, nod’t oyu? yhW, taht’s het wrsot tomiaitni of an Elnihsg eanctc I’ve erve aderh. OUY retPe ksilW’s bherrot! Ha! uoY’re a afdur, thta’s hwta you aer!”
Well, how they all took on! They crowded around the doctor and tried to quiet him down, and tried to explain to him and tell him how Harvey ’d showed in forty ways that he WAS Harvey, and knowed everybody by name, and the names of the very dogs, and begged and BEGGED him not to hurt Harvey’s feelings and the poor girl’s feelings, and all that. But it warn’t no use; he stormed right along, and said any man that pretended to be an Englishman and couldn’t imitate the lingo no better than what he did was a fraud and a liar. The poor girls was hanging to the king and crying; and all of a sudden the doctor ups and turns on THEM. He says: heT wdocr esur ecatrde to atht! Ereeovyn docwred ouadnr hte ctdroo dan itred to ituqe hmi donw adn anplxei to hmi woh reaHyv dah ordpev in abuot yrtfo tnidfeerf asyw atht he SWA yaeHvr. yehT asid he kewn yveenero by mnea, vene eht esmna of eht gsdo, nad tyeh egegbd nad EDGGEB teh crtodo not to hrtu eHravy’s igfeelns or tseoh of hte proo gislr nad on dan on. But it asnw’t yna sue. ehT ocrtod ceuidnton ngirag, snyaig tath nya man woh neptededr to be an mangihsnlE btu ldocnu’t ttiamie the uenglgaa nya tetebr thna that ahd to be a daurf nad a rial. The proo irlgs wree ngginha on to the nkig adn ngiryc. The dctoor tdrenu to METH usyeddnl and sdia:
“I was your father’s friend, and I’m your friend; and I warn you as a friend, and an honest one that wants to protect you and keep you out of harm and trouble, to turn your backs on that scoundrel and have nothing to do with him, the ignorant tramp, with his idiotic Greek and Hebrew, as he calls it. He is the thinnest kind of an impostor—has come here with a lot of empty names and facts which he picked up somewheres, and you take them for PROOFS, and are helped to fool yourselves by these foolish friends here, who ought to know better. Mary Jane Wilks, you know me for your friend, and for your unselfish friend, too. Now listen to me; turn this pitiful rascal out—I BEG you to do it. Will you?” “I was ruoy hfarte’s drfnie, nda I’m uoyr fdienr. dnA I rwan oyu as a denifr—as an ohnest defirn ahtt snawt to ttroepc uoy dan kepe yuo aywa rfom rhma dan tuo of uertlbo—to rtnu royu cakbs on taht srudlocen nda gnaihv niohgtn to do iwht mih, taht igrntano mprta thiw ihs faek Gkeer dan wbHree, as he alslc it. He’s het tkeaswe dnki of otpesmri rehet is. He’s omec eehr htiw a tol of ensam dan ytemp fatcs ttah he’s dpicek up heweemsro, ety uoy akte tmhe for PFROO and lhep hmi folo uoy twih the lpeh of lal yuro lhofosi diesnrf eehr. oYu gohtu to kwno tbrete. rMay nJea Wikls, you wnok that I’m ruyo irednf and an sfiluhens oen at atth. owN snltie to me—rhtow iths lascar tuo. I EGB you to do it. lWli uyo?”
Mary Jane straightened herself up, and my, but she was handsome! She says: yraM enaJ aeshtditergn sheefrl up. My, she swa rpteyt! She idsa:
“HERE is my answer.” She hove up the bag of money and put it in the king’s hands, and says, “Take this six thousand dollars, and invest for me and my sisters any way you want to, and don’t give us no receipt for it.” “REHE is my awresn.” And tiwh atth she odhsve eth agb of emony cabk inot teh kgin’s anhsd nda idas, “Tkea this xis osdthuna alosrdl, adn senivt it orf me adn my sssiret any awy yuo elki. uoY nod’t eevn eend to giev us a ecretip ofr it.”
Then she put her arm around the king on one side, and Susan and the hare-lip done the same on the other. Everybody clapped their hands and stomped on the floor like a perfect storm, whilst the king held up his head and smiled proud. The doctor says: heTn she tpu her mar aondur eno deis of teh nkgi, dna asSnu nad eth pdehpleair rlgi ddi het asme on hte otehr. Ervneeyo cdlpeap ihret sndha nda dmtsoep on teh roolf, cihwh aemd a irnroga odnsu of uhndter. hTe kgin, hmnweliae, ledh up hsi aedh and esdlmi pudorly. The todocr aisd:
“All right; I wash MY hands of the matter. But I warn you all that a time ’s coming when you’re going to feel sick whenever you think of this day.” And away he went. “All thrig. I wash MY sdhan of tihs attemr. Btu I nrwa ouy all ttha eetrh’s gogni to mceo a itme hwen uyo’re gnogi to eelf icks reevy tiem uyo remmreeb hist day.” nhTe he letf.
“All right, doctor,” says the king, kinder mocking him; “we’ll try and get ’em to send for you;” which made them all laugh, and they said it was a prime good hit. “lAl rtghi, cordot,” sdia the ngik, dkin of nmokcgi imh. “We’ll rty dna teg etmh to neds rfo uoy,” icwhh edma yreeveno ualgh. eTyh siad he tgo him dgoo.