No Fear Shakespeare: Hamlet: Act 3 Scene 2 Page 5

Original Text	Modern Text
HAMLET It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf there.—Be the players ready?	HAMLET That was brutish of them, to kill so capital a guy. —Are the actors ready?
ROSENCRANTZ Ay, my lord. They stay upon your patience.	ROSENCRANTZ Yes, my lord. They’re ready whenever you are.
GERTRUDE Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.	GERTRUDE Come here, my dear Hamlet. Sit by me.
HAMLET 100No, good mother. Here’s metal more attractive. (sits next to OPHELIA )	HAMLET No thanks, my good mother. There’s a nicer piece of work right here. (he sits down near OPHELIA )
POLONIUS (to CLAUDIUS) Oh, ho, do you mark that?	POLONIUS (to CLAUDIUS) Hey, did you notice that?
HAMLET Lady, shall I lie in your lap?	HAMLET My lady, should I lie in your lap?
OPHELIA No, my lord.	OPHELIA No, my lord.
HAMLET I mean, my head upon your lap?	HAMLET I mean, with my head in your lap?
OPHELIA 105Ay, my lord.	OPHELIA Yes, my lord.
HAMLET Do you think I meant country matters?	HAMLET Did you think I was talking about sex?
OPHELIA I think nothing, my lord.	OPHELIA I think nothing In Shakespeare’s time, “nothing” (or “0”) was slang for the vagina. nothing , my lord.
HAMLET That’s a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.	HAMLET That’s a nice thought to lie between a girl’s legs.
OPHELIA What is, my lord?	OPHELIA What is, my lord?
HAMLET 110Nothing.	HAMLET Nothing.
OPHELIA You are merry, my lord.	OPHELIA You’re in a good mood tonight, my lord.
HAMLET Who, I?	HAMLET Who, me?
OPHELIA Ay, my lord.	OPHELIA Yes, my lord.