Every Shakespeare Play Summed Up in a Quote from The Office
Unhouseled, disappointed, unaneled.
No reckoning made, but sent to my account
With all my imperfections on my head.
80Oh, horrible, oh, horrible, most horrible!
If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not.
Let not the royal bed of Denmark be
A couch for luxury and damnèd incest.
But howsoever thou pursuest this act,
85Taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive
Against thy mother aught. Leave her to heaven
And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge
To prick and sting her. Fare thee well at once.
The glowworm shows the matin to be near,
90And 'gins to pale his uneffectual fire.
Adieu, adieu, adieu. Remember me.
I had no chance to repent my sins or receive last rites. Oh, it’s horrible, horrible, so horrible! If you are human, don’t stand for it. Don’t let the Danish king’s bed be a nest of incest. But however you go about your revenge, don’t corrupt your mind or do any harm to your mother. Leave her to God and her own guilt. Now, good-bye. The glowworm’s light is beginning to fade, so morning is near. Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye. Remember me.
The GHOST exits.
O all you host of heaven! O earth! What else?
And shall I couple hell? Oh, fie! Hold, hold, my heart,
And you, my sinews, grow not instant old,
95But bear me stiffly up. Remember thee!
Ay, thou poor ghost, whiles memory holds a seat
In this distracted globe. Remember thee!
Yea, from the table of my memory
I’ll wipe away all trivial fond records,
100All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past
That youth and observation copied there,
And thy commandment all alone shall live
Within the book and volume of my brain,
Unmixed with baser matter. Yes, by heaven!
105O most pernicious woman!
O villain, villain, smiling, damnèd villain!
My tables!—Meet it is I set it down
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
At least I’m sure it may be so in Denmark. (writes)
110So, uncle, there you are. Now to my word.
Ah, all you up in heaven! And earth! What else? Shall I include hell as well? Damn it! Keep beating, my heart, and muscles, don’t grow old yet—keep me standing. Remember you! Yes, you poor ghost, as long as I have any power of memory in this distracted head. Remember you! Yes, I’ll wipe my mind clean of all trivial facts and memories and preserve only your commandment there. Yes, by God! Oh, you evil woman! Oh, you villain, villain, you damned, smiling villain! Where’s my notebook?—It’s a good idea for me to write down that one can smile and smile, and be a villain. At least it’s possible in Denmark. (he writes) So, uncle, there you are. Now it’s time to deal with the vow I made to my father.