No Fear Shakespeare: Henry IV, Part 2: Act 1 Scene 2

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Henry IV, Part 2

William Shakespeare

Act 1 Scene 2

Original Text

Modern Text

Gad’s Hill

Gad’s Hill

Original Text

Modern Text

Gad’s Hill

Gad’s Hill

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter Sir John FALSTAFF , with his PAGE bearing his sword and buckler	Enter Sir John FALSTAFF , with his PAGE bearing his sword and buckler
FALSTAFF Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water?	FALSTAFF Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water?
PAGE He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy water, but, for the party that owed it, he might have more diseases than he knew for.	PAGE He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy water, but, for the party that owed it, he might have more diseases than he knew for.
FALSTAFF 5 Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me. The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to invent anything that tends to laughter more than I invent, or is invented on me. I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee like a sow that hath 10 overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the Prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off, why then I have no judgment. Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with an agate till now, but I will inset 15 you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master for a jewel. The juvenal, the Prince your master, whose chin is not yet fledge—I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand than he shall get one off his cheek, and yet he will not stick to say 20 his face is a face royal. God may finish it when He will. 'Tis not a hair amiss yet. He may keep it still at a face royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it, and yet he’ll be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he’s almost out of	FALSTAFF Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me. The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to invent anything that tends to laughter more than I invent, or is invented on me. I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee like a sow that hath overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the Prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off, why then I have no judgment. Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with an agate till now, but I will inset you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master for a jewel. The juvenal, the Prince your master, whose chin is not yet fledge—I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand than he shall get one off his cheek, and yet he will not stick to say his face is a face royal. God may finish it when He will. 'Tis not a hair amiss yet. He may keep it still at a face royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it, and yet he’ll be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he’s almost out of
25 mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dommelton about the satin for my short cloak and my slops?	mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dommelton about the satin for my short cloak and my slops?
PAGE He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph. He would not take his band and yours. He liked not the security.	PAGE He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph. He would not take his band and yours. He liked not the security.
FALSTAFF 30 Let him be damned like the glutton! Pray God his tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel, a rascally yea-forsooth knave, to bear a gentleman in hand and then stand upon security! The whoreson smoothy-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes and bunches of keys at their girdles; 35 and if a man is through with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with “security.” I looked he should have sent me two-and-twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me “security.” Well, 40 he may sleep in security, for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it, and yet cannot he see though he have his own lantern to light him. Where’s Bardolph?	FALSTAFF Let him be damned like the glutton! Pray God his tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel, a rascally yea-forsooth knave, to bear a gentleman in hand and then stand upon security! The whoreson smoothy-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes and bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is through with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with “security.” I looked he should have sent me two-and-twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me “security.” Well, he may sleep in security, for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it, and yet cannot he see though he have his own lantern to light him. Where’s Bardolph?
PAGE 45 He’s gone into Smithfield to buy your Worship a horse.	PAGE He’s gone into Smithfield to buy your Worship a horse.
FALSTAFF I bought him in Paul’s, and he’ll buy me a horse in Smithfield. An I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived.	FALSTAFF I bought him in Paul’s, and he’ll buy me a horse in Smithfield. An I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived.
Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and SERVANT	Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and SERVANT
PAGE Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for striking 50 him about Bardolph.	PAGE Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for striking him about Bardolph.
FALSTAFF Wait close. I will not see him.	FALSTAFF Wait close. I will not see him.
CHIEF JUSTICE What’s he that goes there?	CHIEF JUSTICE What’s he that goes there?
SERVANT Falstaff, an ’t please your Lordship.	SERVANT Falstaff, an ’t please your Lordship.
CHIEF JUSTICE He that was in question for the robbery?	CHIEF JUSTICE He that was in question for the robbery?
SERVANT 55 He, my lord; but he hath since done good service at Shrewsbury, and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.	SERVANT He, my lord; but he hath since done good service at Shrewsbury, and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.
CHIEF JUSTICE What, to York? Call him back again.	CHIEF JUSTICE What, to York? Call him back again.
SERVANT Sir John Falstaff!	SERVANT Sir John Falstaff!
FALSTAFF Boy, tell him I am deaf.	FALSTAFF Boy, tell him I am deaf.
PAGE 60 You must speak louder. My master is deaf.	PAGE You must speak louder. My master is deaf.
CHIEF JUSTICE I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.—Go pluck him by the elbow. I must speak with him.	CHIEF JUSTICE I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.—Go pluck him by the elbow. I must speak with him.
SERVANT Sir John!	SERVANT Sir John!
FALSTAFF What, a young knave and begging? Is there not wars? Is 65 there not employment? Doth not the King lack subjects? Do not the rebels need soldiers? Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be on the	FALSTAFF What, a young knave and begging? Is there not wars? Is there not employment? Doth not the King lack subjects? Do not the rebels need soldiers? Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be on the
worst side, were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.	worst side, were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.
SERVANT 70 You mistake me, sir.	SERVANT You mistake me, sir.
FALSTAFF Why sir, did I say you were an honest man? Setting my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat if I had said so.	FALSTAFF Why sir, did I say you were an honest man? Setting my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat if I had said so.
SERVANT I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and our soldiership 75 aside, and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat if you say I am any other than an honest man.	SERVANT I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and our soldiership aside, and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat if you say I am any other than an honest man.
FALSTAFF I give thee leave to tell me so? I lay aside that which grows to me? If thou gett’st any leave of me, hang me; if thou tak’st leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter. Hence! 80 Avaunt!	FALSTAFF I give thee leave to tell me so? I lay aside that which grows to me? If thou gett’st any leave of me, hang me; if thou tak’st leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter. Hence! Avaunt!
SERVANT Sir, my lord would speak with you.	SERVANT Sir, my lord would speak with you.
CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.	CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.
FALSTAFF My good lord. God give your Lordship good time of the day. I am glad to see your Lordship abroad. I heard say your 85 Lordship was sick: I hope your Lordship goes abroad by advice. Your Lordship, though not clean past your youth, have yet some smack of an ague in you, some relish of the saltness of time in you, and I most humbly beseech your Lordship to have a reverent care of your health.	FALSTAFF My good lord. God give your Lordship good time of the day. I am glad to see your Lordship abroad. I heard say your Lordship was sick: I hope your Lordship goes abroad by advice. Your Lordship, though not clean past your youth, have yet some smack of an ague in you, some relish of the saltness of time in you, and I most humbly beseech your Lordship to have a reverent care of your health.
CHIEF JUSTICE 90 Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury.	CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury.
FALSTAFF An ’t please your Lordship, I hear his Majesty is returned with some discomfort from Wales.	FALSTAFF An ’t please your Lordship, I hear his Majesty is returned with some discomfort from Wales.
CHIEF JUSTICE I talk not of his Majesty. You would not come when I sent 95 for you.	CHIEF JUSTICE I talk not of his Majesty. You would not come when I sent for you.
FALSTAFF And I hear, moreover, his Highness is fallen into this same whoreson apoplexy.	FALSTAFF And I hear, moreover, his Highness is fallen into this same whoreson apoplexy.
CHIEF JUSTICE Well, God mend him. I pray you let me speak with you.	CHIEF JUSTICE Well, God mend him. I pray you let me speak with you.
FALSTAFF This apoplexy, as I take it, is a kind of lethargy, an ’t please 100 your Lordship, a kind of sleeping in the blood, a whoreson tingling.	FALSTAFF This apoplexy, as I take it, is a kind of lethargy, an ’t please your Lordship, a kind of sleeping in the blood, a whoreson tingling.
CHIEF JUSTICE What tell you me of it? Be it as it is.	CHIEF JUSTICE What tell you me of it? Be it as it is.
FALSTAFF It hath its original from much grief, from study, and perturbation of the brain. I have read the cause of his effects 105 in Galen. It is a kind of deafness.	FALSTAFF It hath its original from much grief, from study, and perturbation of the brain. I have read the cause of his effects in Galen. It is a kind of deafness.

Original Text	Modern Text
Enter Sir John FALSTAFF , with his PAGE bearing his sword and buckler	Enter Sir John FALSTAFF , with his PAGE bearing his sword and buckler
FALSTAFF Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water?	FALSTAFF Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water?
PAGE He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy water, but, for the party that owed it, he might have more diseases than he knew for.	PAGE He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy water, but, for the party that owed it, he might have more diseases than he knew for.
FALSTAFF 5 Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me. The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to invent anything that tends to laughter more than I invent, or is invented on me. I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee like a sow that hath 10 overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the Prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off, why then I have no judgment. Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with an agate till now, but I will inset 15 you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master for a jewel. The juvenal, the Prince your master, whose chin is not yet fledge—I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand than he shall get one off his cheek, and yet he will not stick to say 20 his face is a face royal. God may finish it when He will. 'Tis not a hair amiss yet. He may keep it still at a face royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it, and yet he’ll be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he’s almost out of	FALSTAFF Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me. The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to invent anything that tends to laughter more than I invent, or is invented on me. I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee like a sow that hath overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the Prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off, why then I have no judgment. Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with an agate till now, but I will inset you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master for a jewel. The juvenal, the Prince your master, whose chin is not yet fledge—I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand than he shall get one off his cheek, and yet he will not stick to say his face is a face royal. God may finish it when He will. 'Tis not a hair amiss yet. He may keep it still at a face royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it, and yet he’ll be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he’s almost out of
25 mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dommelton about the satin for my short cloak and my slops?	mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dommelton about the satin for my short cloak and my slops?
PAGE He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph. He would not take his band and yours. He liked not the security.	PAGE He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph. He would not take his band and yours. He liked not the security.
FALSTAFF 30 Let him be damned like the glutton! Pray God his tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel, a rascally yea-forsooth knave, to bear a gentleman in hand and then stand upon security! The whoreson smoothy-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes and bunches of keys at their girdles; 35 and if a man is through with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with “security.” I looked he should have sent me two-and-twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me “security.” Well, 40 he may sleep in security, for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it, and yet cannot he see though he have his own lantern to light him. Where’s Bardolph?	FALSTAFF Let him be damned like the glutton! Pray God his tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel, a rascally yea-forsooth knave, to bear a gentleman in hand and then stand upon security! The whoreson smoothy-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes and bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is through with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with “security.” I looked he should have sent me two-and-twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me “security.” Well, he may sleep in security, for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it, and yet cannot he see though he have his own lantern to light him. Where’s Bardolph?
PAGE 45 He’s gone into Smithfield to buy your Worship a horse.	PAGE He’s gone into Smithfield to buy your Worship a horse.
FALSTAFF I bought him in Paul’s, and he’ll buy me a horse in Smithfield. An I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived.	FALSTAFF I bought him in Paul’s, and he’ll buy me a horse in Smithfield. An I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived.
Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and SERVANT	Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and SERVANT
PAGE Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for striking 50 him about Bardolph.	PAGE Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for striking him about Bardolph.
FALSTAFF Wait close. I will not see him.	FALSTAFF Wait close. I will not see him.
CHIEF JUSTICE What’s he that goes there?	CHIEF JUSTICE What’s he that goes there?
SERVANT Falstaff, an ’t please your Lordship.	SERVANT Falstaff, an ’t please your Lordship.
CHIEF JUSTICE He that was in question for the robbery?	CHIEF JUSTICE He that was in question for the robbery?
SERVANT 55 He, my lord; but he hath since done good service at Shrewsbury, and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.	SERVANT He, my lord; but he hath since done good service at Shrewsbury, and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.
CHIEF JUSTICE What, to York? Call him back again.	CHIEF JUSTICE What, to York? Call him back again.
SERVANT Sir John Falstaff!	SERVANT Sir John Falstaff!
FALSTAFF Boy, tell him I am deaf.	FALSTAFF Boy, tell him I am deaf.
PAGE 60 You must speak louder. My master is deaf.	PAGE You must speak louder. My master is deaf.
CHIEF JUSTICE I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.—Go pluck him by the elbow. I must speak with him.	CHIEF JUSTICE I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.—Go pluck him by the elbow. I must speak with him.
SERVANT Sir John!	SERVANT Sir John!
FALSTAFF What, a young knave and begging? Is there not wars? Is 65 there not employment? Doth not the King lack subjects? Do not the rebels need soldiers? Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be on the	FALSTAFF What, a young knave and begging? Is there not wars? Is there not employment? Doth not the King lack subjects? Do not the rebels need soldiers? Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be on the
worst side, were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.	worst side, were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.
SERVANT 70 You mistake me, sir.	SERVANT You mistake me, sir.
FALSTAFF Why sir, did I say you were an honest man? Setting my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat if I had said so.	FALSTAFF Why sir, did I say you were an honest man? Setting my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat if I had said so.
SERVANT I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and our soldiership 75 aside, and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat if you say I am any other than an honest man.	SERVANT I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and our soldiership aside, and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat if you say I am any other than an honest man.
FALSTAFF I give thee leave to tell me so? I lay aside that which grows to me? If thou gett’st any leave of me, hang me; if thou tak’st leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter. Hence! 80 Avaunt!	FALSTAFF I give thee leave to tell me so? I lay aside that which grows to me? If thou gett’st any leave of me, hang me; if thou tak’st leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter. Hence! Avaunt!
SERVANT Sir, my lord would speak with you.	SERVANT Sir, my lord would speak with you.
CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.	CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.
FALSTAFF My good lord. God give your Lordship good time of the day. I am glad to see your Lordship abroad. I heard say your 85 Lordship was sick: I hope your Lordship goes abroad by advice. Your Lordship, though not clean past your youth, have yet some smack of an ague in you, some relish of the saltness of time in you, and I most humbly beseech your Lordship to have a reverent care of your health.	FALSTAFF My good lord. God give your Lordship good time of the day. I am glad to see your Lordship abroad. I heard say your Lordship was sick: I hope your Lordship goes abroad by advice. Your Lordship, though not clean past your youth, have yet some smack of an ague in you, some relish of the saltness of time in you, and I most humbly beseech your Lordship to have a reverent care of your health.
CHIEF JUSTICE 90 Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury.	CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury.
FALSTAFF An ’t please your Lordship, I hear his Majesty is returned with some discomfort from Wales.	FALSTAFF An ’t please your Lordship, I hear his Majesty is returned with some discomfort from Wales.
CHIEF JUSTICE I talk not of his Majesty. You would not come when I sent 95 for you.	CHIEF JUSTICE I talk not of his Majesty. You would not come when I sent for you.
FALSTAFF And I hear, moreover, his Highness is fallen into this same whoreson apoplexy.	FALSTAFF And I hear, moreover, his Highness is fallen into this same whoreson apoplexy.
CHIEF JUSTICE Well, God mend him. I pray you let me speak with you.	CHIEF JUSTICE Well, God mend him. I pray you let me speak with you.
FALSTAFF This apoplexy, as I take it, is a kind of lethargy, an ’t please 100 your Lordship, a kind of sleeping in the blood, a whoreson tingling.	FALSTAFF This apoplexy, as I take it, is a kind of lethargy, an ’t please your Lordship, a kind of sleeping in the blood, a whoreson tingling.
CHIEF JUSTICE What tell you me of it? Be it as it is.	CHIEF JUSTICE What tell you me of it? Be it as it is.
FALSTAFF It hath its original from much grief, from study, and perturbation of the brain. I have read the cause of his effects 105 in Galen. It is a kind of deafness.	FALSTAFF It hath its original from much grief, from study, and perturbation of the brain. I have read the cause of his effects in Galen. It is a kind of deafness.