No Fear Shakespeare: Henry IV, Part 2: Act 2 Scene 1

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Henry IV, Part 2

William Shakespeare

Act 2 Scene 1

Original Text

Modern Text

Original Text

Modern Text

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY , with two officers; FANG with her and SNARE following	Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY , with two officers; FANG with her and SNARE following
MISTRESS QUICKLY Master Fang, have you entered the action?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Master Fang, have you entered the action?
FANG It is entered.	FANG It is entered.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Where’s your yeoman? Is ’t a lusty yeoman? Will a' stand to ’t?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Where’s your yeoman? Is ’t a lusty yeoman? Will a' stand to ’t?
FANG 5 Sirrah! Where’s Snare?	FANG Sirrah! Where’s Snare?
MISTRESS QUICKLY O Lord, ay, good Master Snare.	MISTRESS QUICKLY O Lord, ay, good Master Snare.
SNARE Here, here.	SNARE Here, here.
FANG Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.	FANG Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Yea, good Master Snare, I have entered him and all.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Yea, good Master Snare, I have entered him and all.
SNARE 10 It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he will stab.	SNARE It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he will stab.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Alas the day, take heed of him. He stabbed me in mine own house, and that most beastly, in good faith. He cares not what mischief he does. If his weapon be out, he will foin like any devil. He will spare neither man, woman, nor child.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Alas the day, take heed of him. He stabbed me in mine own house, and that most beastly, in good faith. He cares not what mischief he does. If his weapon be out, he will foin like any devil. He will spare neither man, woman, nor child.
FANG 15 If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.	FANG If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.
MISTRESS QUICKLY No, nor I neither. I’ll be at your elbow.	MISTRESS QUICKLY No, nor I neither. I’ll be at your elbow.
FANG An I but fist him once, an he come but within my view—	FANG An I but fist him once, an he come but within my view—
MISTRESS QUICKLY I am undone by his going. I warrant you, he’s an infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him sure. 20 Good Master Snare, let him not ’scape. He comes continuantly to Pie Corner, saving your manhoods, to buy a saddle, and he is indited to dinner to the Lubber’s Head in Lumbert Street, to Master Smooth’s the silkman. I pray you, since my exion is entered, and my case so openly known to 25 the world, let him be brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long one for a poor lone woman to bear, and I have borne, and borne, and borne, and have been fubbed off, and fubbed off, and fubbed off from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There is no honesty in such 30 dealing, unless a woman should be made an ass and a beast to bear every knave’s wrong. Yonder he comes, and that errant malmsey-nose knave, Bardolph, with him. Do your offices, do your offices, Master Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices.	MISTRESS QUICKLY I am undone by his going. I warrant you, he’s an infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him sure. Good Master Snare, let him not ’scape. He comes continuantly to Pie Corner, saving your manhoods, to buy a saddle, and he is indited to dinner to the Lubber’s Head in Lumbert Street, to Master Smooth’s the silkman. I pray you, since my exion is entered, and my case so openly known to the world, let him be brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long one for a poor lone woman to bear, and I have borne, and borne, and borne, and have been fubbed off, and fubbed off, and fubbed off from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There is no honesty in such dealing, unless a woman should be made an ass and a beast to bear every knave’s wrong. Yonder he comes, and that errant malmsey-nose knave, Bardolph, with him. Do your offices, do your offices, Master Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices.
Enter FALSTAFF , BARDOLPH , and PAGE	Enter FALSTAFF , BARDOLPH , and PAGE
FALSTAFF 35 How now! Whose mare’s dead? What’s the matter?	FALSTAFF How now! Whose mare’s dead? What’s the matter?
FANG Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.	FANG Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.
FALSTAFF Away, varlets!—Draw, Bardolph. Cut me off the villain’s head. Throw the quean in the channel.	FALSTAFF Away, varlets!—Draw, Bardolph. Cut me off the villain’s head. Throw the quean in the channel.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Throw me in the channel? I’ll throw thee in the channel. Wilt 40 thou, wilt thou, thou bastardly rogue?—Murder, murder!— Ah, thou honeysuckle villain, wilt thou kill God’s officers and the King’s? Ah, thou honeyseed rogue, thou art a honeyseed, a man-queller, and a woman-queller.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Throw me in the channel? I’ll throw thee in the channel. Wilt thou, wilt thou, thou bastardly rogue?—Murder, murder!— Ah, thou honeysuckle villain, wilt thou kill God’s officers and the King’s? Ah, thou honeyseed rogue, thou art a honeyseed, a man-queller, and a woman-queller.
FALSTAFF Keep them off, Bardolph.	FALSTAFF Keep them off, Bardolph.
FANG 45 A rescue, a rescue!	FANG A rescue, a rescue!
MISTRESS QUICKLY Good people, bring a rescue or two.— (to FALSTAFF) Thou wot, wot thou? Thou wot, wot ta? Do, do, thou rogue. Do, thou hempseed.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Good people, bring a rescue or two.— (to FALSTAFF) Thou wot, wot thou? Thou wot, wot ta? Do, do, thou rogue. Do, thou hempseed.
FALSTAFF Away, you scullion, you rampallion, you fustilarian! I’ll 50 tickle your catastrophe.	FALSTAFF Away, you scullion, you rampallion, you fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe.
Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and his men	Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and his men
CHIEF JUSTICE What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!	CHIEF JUSTICE What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!
MISTRESS QUICKLY Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you stand to me.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you stand to me.
CHIEF JUSTICE How now, Sir John? What, are you brawling here? Doth this become your place, your time, and business? 55 You should have been well on your way to York.— (to FANG) Stand from him, fellow: wherefore hang’st thou upon him?	CHIEF JUSTICE How now, Sir John? What, are you brawling here? Doth this become your place, your time, and business? You should have been well on your way to York.— (to FANG) Stand from him, fellow: wherefore hang’st thou upon him?
MISTRESS QUICKLY O my most worshipful lord, an ’t please your Grace, I am a poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.	MISTRESS QUICKLY O my most worshipful lord, an ’t please your Grace, I am a poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.
CHIEF JUSTICE For what sum?	CHIEF JUSTICE For what sum?
MISTRESS QUICKLY 60 It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all I have. He hath eaten me out of house and home. He hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. (to FALSTAFF) But I will have some of it out again, or I will ride thee o' nights like the mare.	MISTRESS QUICKLY It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all I have. He hath eaten me out of house and home. He hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. (to FALSTAFF) But I will have some of it out again, or I will ride thee o' nights like the mare.
FALSTAFF I think I am as like to ride the mare if I have any vantage of 65 ground to get up.	FALSTAFF I think I am as like to ride the mare if I have any vantage of ground to get up.
CHIEF JUSTICE How comes this, Sir John? Fie, what man of good temper would endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so rough a course to come by her own?	CHIEF JUSTICE How comes this, Sir John? Fie, what man of good temper would endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so rough a course to come by her own?
FALSTAFF (to MISTRESS QUICKLY) What is the gross sum that I owe thee?	FALSTAFF (to MISTRESS QUICKLY) What is the gross sum that I owe thee?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the money too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin chamber at the round table by a sea-coal fire, upon Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the Prince broke 75 thy head for liking his father to a singing-man of Windsor, thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy wound, to marry me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech, the butcher’s wife, come in then and call me Gossip Quickly, coming in to borrow a mess of 80 vinegar; telling us she had a good dish of prawns, whereby thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I told thee they were ill for a green wound? And didst thou not, when she was gone downstairs, desire me to be no more so familiarity with	MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the money too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin chamber at the round table by a sea-coal fire, upon Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the Prince broke thy head for liking his father to a singing-man of Windsor, thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy wound, to marry me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech, the butcher’s wife, come in then and call me Gossip Quickly, coming in to borrow a mess of vinegar; telling us she had a good dish of prawns, whereby thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I told thee they were ill for a green wound? And didst thou not, when she was gone downstairs, desire me to be no more so familiarity with
such poor people, saying that ere long they should call me 85 madam? And didst thou not kiss me and bid me fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now to thy book-oath. Deny it if thou canst.	such poor people, saying that ere long they should call me madam? And didst thou not kiss me and bid me fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now to thy book-oath. Deny it if thou canst.
FALSTAFF My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and down the town that her eldest son is like you. She hath been in good 90 case, and the truth is, poverty hath distracted her. But, for these foolish officers, I beseech you I may have redress against them.	FALSTAFF My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and down the town that her eldest son is like you. She hath been in good case, and the truth is, poverty hath distracted her. But, for these foolish officers, I beseech you I may have redress against them.
CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It is not a 95 confident brow, nor the throng of words that come with such more than impudent sauciness from you, can thrust me from a level consideration. You have, as it appears to me, practiced upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman, and made her serve your uses both in purse and in person.	CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It is not a confident brow, nor the throng of words that come with such more than impudent sauciness from you, can thrust me from a level consideration. You have, as it appears to me, practiced upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman, and made her serve your uses both in purse and in person.
MISTRESS QUICKLY 100 Yea, in truth, my lord.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Yea, in truth, my lord.
CHIEF JUSTICE Pray thee, peace.— (to FALSTAFF) Pay her the debt you owe her, and unpay the villany you have done her. The one you may do with sterling money, and the other with current repentance.	CHIEF JUSTICE Pray thee, peace.— (to FALSTAFF) Pay her the debt you owe her, and unpay the villany you have done her. The one you may do with sterling money, and the other with current repentance.
FALSTAFF 105 My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply. You call honorable boldness “impudent sauciness.” If a man will make curtsy and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord, my humble duty remembered, I will not be your suitor. I say to you, I do desire deliverance from these officers, being upon 110 hasty employment in the King’s affairs.	FALSTAFF My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply. You call honorable boldness “impudent sauciness.” If a man will make curtsy and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord, my humble duty remembered, I will not be your suitor. I say to you, I do desire deliverance from these officers, being upon hasty employment in the King’s affairs.
CHIEF JUSTICE You speak as having power to do wrong; but answer in th' effect of your reputation, and satisfy this poor woman.	CHIEF JUSTICE You speak as having power to do wrong; but answer in th' effect of your reputation, and satisfy this poor woman.
FALSTAFF Come hither, hostess.	FALSTAFF Come hither, hostess.
FALSTAFF takes MISTRESS QUICKLY aside	FALSTAFF takes MISTRESS QUICKLY aside
Enter GOWER	Enter GOWER
CHIEF JUSTICE Now, Master Gower, what news?	CHIEF JUSTICE Now, Master Gower, what news?
GOWER 115 The King, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales Are near at hand. The rest the paper tells.	GOWER The King, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales Are near at hand. The rest the paper tells.
FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman!	FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman!
MISTRESS QUICKLY Faith, you said so before.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Faith, you said so before.
FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman. Come. No more words of it.	FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman. Come. No more words of it.
MISTRESS QUICKLY 120 By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain to pawn both my plate and the tapestry of my dining chambers.	MISTRESS QUICKLY By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain to pawn both my plate and the tapestry of my dining chambers.
FALSTAFF Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking. And for thy walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the Prodigal or the German hunting in waterwork is worth a thousand of these 125 bed-hangers and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pound, if thou canst. Come, an ’twere not for thy humors, there’s not a better wench in England. Go wash thy face, and draw the action. Come, thou must not be in this humor with me. Dost not know me? Come, come, I know thou wast set 130 on to this.	FALSTAFF Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking. And for thy walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the Prodigal or the German hunting in waterwork is worth a thousand of these bed-hangers and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pound, if thou canst. Come, an ’twere not for thy humors, there’s not a better wench in England. Go wash thy face, and draw the action. Come, thou must not be in this humor with me. Dost not know me? Come, come, I know thou wast set on to this.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles. I' faith, I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save me, la.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles. I' faith, I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save me, la.
FALSTAFF Let it alone. I’ll make other shift. You’ll be a fool still.	FALSTAFF Let it alone. I’ll make other shift. You’ll be a fool still.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. I hope 135 you’ll come to supper. You’ll pay me all together?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. I hope you’ll come to supper. You’ll pay me all together?
FALSTAFF Will I live? (to BARDOLPH) Go with her, with her. Hook on, hook on.	FALSTAFF Will I live? (to BARDOLPH) Go with her, with her. Hook on, hook on.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?
FALSTAFF No more words. Let’s have her.	FALSTAFF No more words. Let’s have her.
Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY , FANG , SNARE , BARDOLPH , and the PAGE	Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY , FANG , SNARE , BARDOLPH , and the PAGE
CHIEF JUSTICE 140 I have heard better news.	CHIEF JUSTICE I have heard better news.
FALSTAFF What’s the news, my good lord?	FALSTAFF What’s the news, my good lord?
CHIEF JUSTICE Where lay the King last night?	CHIEF JUSTICE Where lay the King last night?
GOWER At Basingstoke, my lord.	GOWER At Basingstoke, my lord.
FALSTAFF I hope, my lord, all’s well. What is the news, my lord?	FALSTAFF I hope, my lord, all’s well. What is the news, my lord?
CHIEF JUSTICE 145 Come all his forces back?	CHIEF JUSTICE Come all his forces back?
GOWER No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse Are marched up to my Lord of Lancaster Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.	GOWER No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse Are marched up to my Lord of Lancaster Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.
FALSTAFF Comes the King back from Wales, my noble lord?	FALSTAFF Comes the King back from Wales, my noble lord?
CHIEF JUSTICE 150 You shall have letters of me presently. Come. Go along with me, good Master Gower.	CHIEF JUSTICE You shall have letters of me presently. Come. Go along with me, good Master Gower.
FALSTAFF My lord!	FALSTAFF My lord!
CHIEF JUSTICE What’s the matter?	CHIEF JUSTICE What’s the matter?
FALSTAFF Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?	FALSTAFF Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?
GOWER 155 I must wait upon my good lord here. I thank you, good Sir John.	GOWER I must wait upon my good lord here. I thank you, good Sir John.
CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you are to take soldiers up in counties as you go.	CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you are to take soldiers up in counties as you go.
FALSTAFF Will you sup with me, Master Gower?	FALSTAFF Will you sup with me, Master Gower?
CHIEF JUSTICE 160 What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir John?	CHIEF JUSTICE What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir John?
FALSTAFF Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool that taught them me.—This is the right fencing grace, my lord: tap for tap, and so part fair.	FALSTAFF Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool that taught them me.—This is the right fencing grace, my lord: tap for tap, and so part fair.
CHIEF JUSTICE Now the Lord lighten thee. Thou art a great fool.	CHIEF JUSTICE Now the Lord lighten thee. Thou art a great fool.
Exeunt	Exeunt