Henry IV Part 2

by: William Shakespeare

  Act 2 Scene 4

page Act 2 Scene 4 Page 3

Original Text

Modern Text

DOLL TEARSHEET

I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I make
them not.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I make them fat? Gluttony and disease will make men fat; I have nothing to do with it.

FALSTAFF

If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the
diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you. Grant
40that, my poor virtue, grant that.

FALSTAFF

Well, cooks help create gluttony, by making and selling food—the object of gluttony. And you help create diseases, Doll. We catch them from you, Doll, we catch them from you: admit it.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Sure, sweetheart. You catch us by the chains and the jewels, and then you steal them from us.

FALSTAFF

Your broaches, pearls, and ouches—for to serve bravely is
to come halting off, you know; to come off the breach with
his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely, to venture upon
45the charged chambers bravely—

FALSTAFF

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Drop dead, you filthy eel. Drop dead!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

By my troth, this is the old fashion. You two never meet but
you fall to some discord. You are both, i' good truth, as
rheumatic as two dry toasts. You cannot one bear with
50another’s confirmities. What the good-year! One must bear,
and that must be you. You are the weaker vessel, as they say,
the emptier vessel.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I

swear

In Shakespeare’s line, Mistress Quickly mistakenly uses “rheumatic” for “choleric” (i.e., irritable) and “confirmities” for “infirmities.”

swear
, this is how it always is. You two even see each other without fighting. You’re as hot as dry toast, you can’t stand each other’s bad qualities. Good grief! But one of you has to bear the burden, and that’s you, Doll. You’re the weaker sex, the empty vessel.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead?
There’s a whole merchant’s venture of Bourdeaux stuff in
55him. You have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold. —
ome, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the

DOLL TEARSHEET

Can a weak, empty vessel bear the burden of such a huge, full barrel? There’s a whole merchant’s stock of Bordeaux wine in him; you’ve never seen a ship with a fuller cargo hold. Come, Jack, I’ll be friends with

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