Henry IV Part 2

by: William Shakespeare

  Act 2 Scene 4

page Act 2 Scene 4 Page 6

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PISTOL

I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.

PISTOL

I’ll unload two big

bullets

bullets = testicles

bullets
on her, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

She is pistol-proof. Sir, you shall not hardly offend her.

FALSTAFF

She’s Pistol-proof, sir. You’ll hardly be able to injure her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

100Come, I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more
than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I won’t have any proofs or any bullets. I won’t drink any more than I feel like, not for any man.

PISTOL

Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.

PISTOL

Then here’s to you, Mistress. Dorothy, I’ll charge you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor,
base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy
105rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Charge me? Get lost, you sick jerk. What? You broke, rude, scheming, cheating, shirtless fool! Get away from me, you moldy bastard, away! I’m meant for your betters.

PISTOL

I know you, Mistress Dorothy.

PISTOL

I know you, Mistress Dorothy.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Away, you cutpurse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this
wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play
the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you
110basket-hilt stale juggler, you. Since when, I pray you, sir?
God’s light, with two points on your shoulder? Much!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Get away, you pickpocket rascal! You dirty thief, away! I swear on this wine, I’ll stick a knife in your rotten cheeks if you keep abusing me like this. Out, you boozy rascal! You imposter of a solider! Since when are you a soldier, I ask you? With two armor tags on your shoulder? I’m sure!

PISTOL

God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.

PISTOL

I’ll strangle your neck for that, or I’ll die trying.

FALSTAFF

No more, Pistol. I would not have you go off here. Discharge
yourself of our company, Pistol.

FALSTAFF

Hold it, Pistol. I don’t want you to go off here. Discharge someplace else, Pistol.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

115No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, good Captain Pistol. Not here, sweet captain.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Captain? Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou not
ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of my mind,
they would truncheon you out for taking their names upon
you before you have earned them. You a captain? You slave,

DOLL TEARSHEET

Captain? You horrible, damned liar, aren’t you ashamed to be called “captain”? If captains shared my opinions, they’d beat you for taking their rank without earning it. You, a captain? You bastard, for what? For

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