Henry IV Part 2

by: William Shakespeare

  Act 5 Scene 3

page Act 5 Scene 3 Page 6

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SHALLOW

Give me pardon, sir. If, sir, you come with news from the
court, I take it there’s but two ways, either to utter them, or
to conceal them. I am, sir, under the King in some authority.

SHALLOW

Forgive me saying so, sir, but if you’ve got news from the court, then you have only two choices: you can either tell it or not tell it. I have some authority from the King, you know.

PISTOL

Under which king, besonian? Speak or die.

PISTOL

From which king, you beggar? Speak, or die.

SHALLOW

100Under King Harry.

SHALLOW

For King Henry.

PISTOL

Harry the Fourth, or Fifth?

PISTOL

Henry the Fourth, or Fifth?

SHALLOW

Harry the Fourth.

SHALLOW

Henry the Fourth.

PISTOL

A foutre for thine office!—
Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king.
105Harry the Fifth’s the man. I speak the truth.
When Pistol lies, do this (he makes an obscene gesture) and
   fig me, like
The bragging Spaniard.

PISTOL

Then screw your position! Sir John, your tender little lamb is now the king. Henry the Fifth’s the man, and I speak the truth. When Pistol tells a lie, do this (he makes an obscene gesture) and tell me to go screw myself, like some crazy Spaniard.

FALSTAFF

What, is the old king dead?

FALSTAFF

What? Is the old King dead?

PISTOL

As nail in door. The things I speak are just.

PISTOL

As a doornail: these things I say are true.

FALSTAFF

110Away, Bardolph.—Saddle my horse.—Master Robert
Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land,
’tis thine. Pistol, I will double-charge thee with dignities.

FALSTAFF

Get going, Bardolph! Saddle up my horse. Master Robert Shallow, pick whatever job you want in the whole country: it’s yours. Pistol, I’ll pile honors on you.

BARDOLPH

O joyful day! I would not take a knighthood for my fortune.

BARDOLPH

Oh happy day! I wouldn’t even trade a knighthood for my new, good fortune.

PISTOL

What, I do bring good news!

PISTOL

There you go! I brought good news!

FALSTAFF

115Carry Master Silence to bed.—Master Shallow, my Lord
Shallow, be what thou wilt. I am Fortune’s steward. Get on

FALSTAFF

Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow—Lord Shallow—call yourself whatever you want. I’m in

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