The I-Hate-You-College-Roommate-and-I'm-Moving-Out Letter

The I-Hate-You-College-Roommate-and-I'm-Moving-Out Letter

By Emily Winter

We're feeling very Bradgelina here at SparkNotes today, so we thought we'd make our own contribution to... (what was it again?)... oh yes, the Good of Humanity. But why adopt a baby when we could just help out all of you depressed undergrads who don't know how to tell your roommate it's time to part ways?!

Try out our form letter—all you need to do is fill in the blanks! (And, ehem, find a new place to live.)

Dear ________,

I usually don't like writing notes, especially not with a ________ on the back of a ______, but it's all I could find and I wanted to organize my thoughts so they didn't come out wrong.

I'm really sorry to tell you this, but I'm moving out on _______(date). It's not that I loathe you, I just don't think we ___________ together. I feel that you are __________, and __________. Like that time when _____(you/I) came home drunk and ____(you/I) said _________ and then __________. That incident made me feel ___________, like I was an empty bottle of vodka, totally useless. I know it's not intentional on your part, but you come across __________ and I really, really _________ that.

There was also the time that you "borrowed" my __________, which was really not cool. My _______ has never been the same since.

And guess what, your ______ kind of smells. Yeah, you know what? _______ you.

Wait, I didn't mean that.

I'm sorry. The truth is, I don't hate you, I'm just worked up. In fact, I really like the way you always _______, and I had a great time that night when we stayed up until 5 a.m. ____________-ing.  In fact, quite a few people have commented on how good you are at ______-ing. You are really a terrific person, just not the best roommate for a person like me.

I hope we can still be __________. When you see me on campus, please ___________.

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I ________-ed in your bed once. I'm really sorry about that.

_______-ly,

_____________(Your name here)

p.s. _______ _______ and _______ _______ you _______ _______ ____ _________!

Topics: frenemies, roommates, college life

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