Geeraff asked out her crush! ...Kind of. —Sparkitors
Hello, people. Before we get to the funnies part, we need to have a very serious discussion. Seriously. There will be no, and I repeat, NO jokes until every single one of you listens to what I learned this week. So, you know, stop laughing. Right now. Got it? Got it. Good. Cause I’ve got my serious face on.
Oh, wait! I heard this funny joke about a dinosaur the other day, and boy! I laughed so hard, like, it’s definitely one of my favorites, but—
Wait. Nope. Geeraff has her serious face on. It’s lesson time. So remember how I declared a war of inviting-Hodgins-to-a-movie? Yep. Well, that was achieved. But before y’all start do-si-doing from happiness, gather close, and listen to my tale. (Hey. Was that a giggle I heard? No laughing! Silence!)
So one night at dinner... (huh... lots of things seem to happen at dinner, eh?) (Maybe that’s because it’s called DINner, not DON’Tner.) (That didn’t make any sense.) No! No attempts at humor, Geeraff. Serious time... Sirius time? Sirius... Black time?! ARGH! No!
All right, I’m going to try to get through the serious stuff as quickly as I can, cause apparently I can’t tell a story without adding puns and making references to awesome things. Speed-round-serious-time. (And no laughing.)
At dinner. I was sitting with friends. They decided I should go ask Hodgins if he and his friends would join us for a movie. I said sure. Then I couldn’t move. Sarah helped me stand up, and led the charge to Hodgins while he was getting ice cream like a poor, defenseless target. I froze and said nothing. Sarah said things, which I think included some words. She asked him to the movie. I tried to tell a joke. He laughed anyway. He said he had exams the next day. Hodgins is smart. Then he said maybe another time.
And then I felt like a crumbled cookie.
Here’s why. Because in my quest for confidence, I didn’t realize that sometimes confidence doesn’t mean doing brave things, like becoming a beekeeper, or running after the ice cream truck even though there are people watching, or attempting to appear nice and pretty to the boy who makes your palms sweaty. Sometimes confidence is figuring out what your limits are, and standing up for what’s best for you. If you end up doing something courageous for the wrong reasons, it’s not going to feel the same as when you conquer your fears for yourself.
And that’s what I learned, because I was actually super-de-duper uncomfortable and embarrassed during this whole episode, and instead of over-evaluating each word that Hodgins said and his tone of voice and the fact that he tried to laugh at my joke, I ended up like a lump of sulkiness on Mama K’s bed.
Whew! So... that was Geeraff’s public service announcement. Time for laughing! YAY! This is good, because I really want to tell that dinosaur joke, but...
Wait! It looks like our guest star, my panel of experts, has arrived. Because, you see, after the execution of the war, Hodgins then began behaving very oddly. Now, usually what happens is I sit there pointing after he’s left the room, shouting, “Did you see that! Did you? Huh? Cause Hodgins totally-looked-at-my-right-ear-and-almost-smiled-because-he-thinks-I’m-pretty!” But this time, I actually have proof. Legit proof.
First up is Mulan, who needs no introduction. She’s very good at observing Hodgins because she has no shame, and will physically turn around to stare at him the moment someone mutters that he’s showed up to the dining hall.
Geeraff: Now, Mulan, can you describe the events you witnessed?
Mulan: We were in the dining hall, being pathetic again. He got up to go, went to put his dishes away, then came back to get his friends. They were standing around, and they started talking to him, and he started laughing really awkwardly, and he tried to turn around and walk away a few times, but his friends kept talking to him. Finally they followed very reluctantly, but they kept talking and laughing and he turned around to tell them to shut up. And that was it. Then they walked away. That was the “lingering.” (Sings to Glee song in the background.)
Geeraff: So, what exactly do you think this means? In fewer words.
Mulan: It means he’s in love with you, but he’s too shy to do anything about it, and his friends are trying to play matchmaker.
Geeraff: I trust you.
And now, a tip from my new addition to the boy hunting squad, Lord Voldemort. You know, she’s not evil or anything. She’s just really tall... I don’t know what that has to do with anything. Um...
Well, you can trust me, Ole Lordie Voldie has proved her worth. She once gave me a complete play by play when Hodgins was sitting behind me and I couldn’t see him. “He’s reaching for his glass. He’s picking up his glass. He’s drinking from the glass...” But she was also a key witness for a move she labeled THE LOOK OF REGRET.
As Hodgins and his friends were leaving, he fell a bit behind, and turned towards our humble table in the back. In slow motion. With wide eyes and a sad smile. This is the look of regret.
So, there you have it. Actual proof from actual people who have actual conversations with me. The only THING is that I have NO idea WHAT this MEANS! Roar! (That was an outburst of frustration. Also hunger. For cookies.)
P.S. As to the requests to release the official list of my minions, that’s not necessary. Unless my pet hawk personally delivered a letter of regret and an easy-for-hawks-to-carry-sized muffin basket, you are a minion. Really. I’m not picky. If you applied, or thought of applying, or know how to spell the word “apply,” you got in.
P.P.S. What do you call a blind dinosaur?! ... An I-don’t-think-he-saurus! (Cue obnoxious laughter. On my part, at least. I love this joke.)
What do you think of Geeraff's revelation?
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