An Engaging Stare

An Engaging Stare

By Contributor

The life of Talie is NEVER free of drama. —Sparkitors

Dear all boys in the entire world (above the age of 11),

In behalf of myself, and (I'm pretty sure) all of the girls that exist, I desperately need you to clear something up for us. It's something that's been plaguing me like a over-played Justin Bieber song since elementary school. I've spent many sleepless nights racking my brains about it. I've zoned out of countless classes trying to understand why. WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!

IT'S A MYSTERY. IT'S A CRISIS. AND IT NEEDS TO BE EXPLAINED. NOW.

I'm talking about "the trying-to-be-sneaky looking match." You know what I'm talking about. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. It happens whether you're in class, in the library, in the cafeteria or in the lobby of a building. You're just minding your own business and you happen to glance around. BAM. There's a guy looking at you, whether you know him or not.

Then he looks away. Next time you look up, he's looking at you AGAIN. You both look away. Then you look at him trying NOT to look at you, then he watches you not watching him. And THEN you both happen to look at each other at the SAME EXACT TIME and you both look away.

Usually this ends when one of you (probably the girl in the situation) just gets up and leaves, due to the fact that we just can't take it anymore. And you leave this looking match, feeling distinctly awkward and extremely confused. Who won this looking match? Was it a tie? WHAT DID IT MEAN? Did I have an unfortunate pimple or a giant green mark on my face that I wasn't aware of? Perhaps it was a gruesome booger hanging out of my nose??

Now, this can happen whether the guy is taken or single, younger or much, MUCH older than you. Trust me, I know from past experience (uh, HELLO Drummer Boy and Creepy Ginger).

And now it's happening again, except with the ultimate unattainable guy.

Rodger.

This guy's engaged, right? So one would assume that he would immediately cut himself off of pretty much all girls, unless he has a friendly relationship with them... right? I mean, that's the logical thing. That's what most NORMAL guys do. (Any conformation on this..? Yes? No? ALBUQUERQUE??)

Well, apparently Rodger isn't normal. It seems that despite the fact that he's engaged to a gorgeous girl that I definitely can't compete with, he still decides to stare at me. HE STARES AT ME. And it happens. We play the looking match. Except, it's like he's not even trying to be sneaky. He turns his body completely around and his seat and just STARES at me.

Uhh... WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAAAAT??

At first I thought that there was just something unfortunate sitting on my face: a tragic case of raccoon eyes or maybe my hair looked like a nest that a bird might claim at any given moment. But a quick trip to the bathroom revealed that I looked relatively normal... well, normal for me. So when I see him again, he once again decides to let his freakin GORGEOUS eyes (...ahhhh..) devour my face like I devour a vast array of delicious jams and jellies. IT'S PRETTY INTENSE.

And its so unbelievably uncomfortable that I seriously consider making a dive for the nearest window. The other weird thing is that when he's with his fiancee, I practically blend in with the apparently Talie-colored walls. BUT when he's unaccompanied by his soon-to-be wife, its like an all-your-eyes-can-watch buffet of my face.

Okay, so normally this whole staring thing wouldn't bother me as much as it bothered me when CG creepily watched me. But this guy's ENGAGED. To be MARRIED. And he's gonna start a family with cute little Rodger juniors running around. And I am not a home wrecker. I'm not gonna try recreate "My Best Friend's Wedding" and take on the role of Julia Roberts (who, btdubs, we ALL knew was going to completely fail at stopping the wedding).

So, boys (and anyone else who thinks that can answer this question) WHY is Rodger staring at me all the time? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??

I myself have come to a couple conclusions. Either:
a) My face is just tragically formed, and it's so gruesome that he just can't tear his eyes away from it.
b) My extreme hyperness and tendency to do REAL weird things in general is so embarrassing (unbeknownst to me, of course) that he can't stop watching. Like a train wreck. Or a cute little zebra being torn to bits by a lion.
c) He has uncontrollable neck spasms that forces him to turn his head in my direction every couple of seconds.

Granted, C is pretty weak. But I think that A and B are pretty likely... oh my lanta, I seriously hope my face isn't tragically shaped.

Or is there something that I'm just missing completely?? Probably.

I'm desperate. I have no idea how the male mind works, and, honestly, I'm too scared to try to figure it out on my own.

HEEEELP.

Whoever helps me will receive 100 million "Biffles (Best friends for life) with Talie" points and a ride on my imaginary unicorn Paco.

Love,

Talie :)

Topics: college, flirting, crushes, talie

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