How to Be the Most Awkward Person Ever To Set Foot on the Quiet Study Floor of the Library

How to Be the Most Awkward Person Ever To Set Foot on the Quiet Study Floor of the Library

By Contributor

dac213 is an expert at amping up the awkward. Read on to follow in her absurdly loud footsteps!—Sparkitors

If you’re like me, you’re a painfully awkward college freshie who prefers to study in a quiet environment while listening to music and snacking on crunchy things. Ironic? Yes. Annoying to those around me? Most likely. I’ve tried studying on the group study floor (aka the "chillax with friends and pretend to work floor"), but I can’t. I need silence, and music, and fries, lots of fries. So here’s how to be the most awkward/annoying person on the silent study floor—trust me, I've got a lot of experience.

1Own a laptop that for some reason has the loudest keys imaginable. I honestly think there’s some sort of volume control on mine, except I can’t control it and it goes up when I’m in a silent environment.

Develop a penchant for crunchy foods. This way you will earn dirty looks and Umbridge-style throat clearings from your fellow students, who came to the silent floor expecting silence for some reason.

Be unable to get comfortable in your chair. Proceed to move it back, forth, up, down, sideways, and adjust its height and recline until you’re comfortable. Three seconds later determine that the chair is hopeless, at which point…

Pack up and move somewhere else. Sure, you already got everything set up and you’ve been in that study carrel for a grand total of five minutes, but that doesn’t mean that the next one over doesn’t have a comfier chair. You’ll have to start by wrestling your laptop back into its case, then wrestling the case into your backpack, then shoving everything else into the backpack, then go to unplug your charger, which involves politely asking a disgruntled frat boy to stand so you don’t have to crawl between his legs. You then zip up your backpack and realize that the zipper, like your laptop’s keys, is inordinately loud; as you walk away you’ll somehow make an obnoxious walking noise without even trying.

Listen to your goofy music a little too loudly. We all have some kind of guilty pleasure music on our iPods. Or maybe it’s so embarrassing you can’t even bear to download it and you just play the lyric videos on YouTube with your headphones in. Well, if you’re me, you’ll somehow forget that while "medium" is just the right volume for your dorm room (where the walls are thin and you can hear all your hallmates’ activities and also your roommate is watching Grey’s Anatomy), in the silent part of the library, it’s just the right volume for everyone around you to find out that you like the Chipmunk’d versions of every song ever Chipmunk’d*.

So follow my advice and soon you’ll be the bane of the silence I kill you floor. Happy awkwarding!

Are you a pro at annoying every single person on the "quiet" floor of the library?

Related post: How to Live in the Library

Topics: guides, annoying things, college, awkward situations, studying, funny things, how to, library

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