Auntie SparkNotes: A Guy Sent Me an Email! Is He a Murderer?!

Hi Auntie!

I am a seventeen-year-old girl who is currently at community college. This past semester, I had a class with a certain boy, whom we shall call “John.” Let it be known that I think John is cute. I liked the way he would try to think more deeply about the issues we were studying, and how he talked thoughtfully and creatively about what we were learning. However, I only actually spoke to him once, when we reviewed. We actually had a great time talking about politics, but it never happened again. I always thought that I saw John staring at me from his seat across the room, but I always brushed that off as him staring at the girl next to me, and I was just projecting. The closest we got to another discussion would be when we were analyzing PowerPoints in front of the whole class. I never saw him outside of class anywhere on campus, and I just thought that when class ended I would never see him again.

Here’s the slightly strange part. Class recently ended, and a few days later, who did I get an email from but John! In this email, he asks me what I thought of the class, and says that he thinks that I am “a pretty cool person and the smartest person in the class.” This obviously was very flattering, but also a little confusing.

Firstly, I don’t know how he got my email address. You can’t find it off the schools sites, and I’m not on any social media. Like I said, we never talked or exchanged information. I literally have no idea how he found it. It’s not an easily guessable one as well. So I automatically thought he was a stalker trying to kill me.

Another thing is, why would he wait all year to talk to me online when he could just talk to me in person while the school year was still going on?

I don’t know what he expects, or why he would want to talk to me, when I’m obviously the youngest in the class. Also, I don’t know how old he is, which could be problematic.

Should I try to talk to him? I don’t know if I should respond because he might be a murderer, but I really WANT to respond because, well, he’s cute and seems intelligent, and that is a rare combination these days. Basically, everything in me is telling me to write back and throw caution to the wind, but my common sense won’t allow me to do so, because I am afraid of getting killed. What should I do?

For starters, Sparkler, you might want to revisit the second paragraph of your letter again—with specific attention to the part where you start at Point A (“This guy sent me an email”), but then blow right past the obvious Point B (“Perhaps he enjoyed talking to me in class and wants to get to know me better”), and instead go veering off into crazytown by concluding that he’s plotting to kill you.

That makes absolutely no sense, my friend. I mean, unless someone has recently invented an app that allows people to literally murder you on the internet, like in that movie Unfriended… which I suppose could have happened without my knowing it, seeing as I am an ancient, un-hip, frog-like creature who lives in an underground cave and still occasionally orders pizza by placing an actual phone call. But otherwise? Yeah, I’m going to have to call shenanigans on your conflation of “replying to an email” with “inevitable death.”

All of which is to say: If you want to respond to that email, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t.

But before you do, you’ll probably want to let go of the idea that there’s something wrong with the poor guy for having gotten in touch with you to begin with. Don’t be that person who calls someone a “stalker” just for being interested in you, okay? It’s not nice, and you’re better than that. He’s a college student; you’re a college student; there’s nothing sinister about someone developing a crush under those circumstances.

And unless you’re in the witness protection program, there’s nothing nefarious about a person who has a crush on you doing a little bit of legwork to find out how to get in touch with you, especially when they have good reason to believe that their crush is reciprocated. I mean, not to blow your mind, darling, but for most of human history, that was pretty much how it worked: People had their address and/or phone number published in a public directory, where anyone could see it! And if you met someone who sparked your interest, rather than putting them on the spot by asking for their number publicly—which could end up being uncomfortable and awkward for both of you, depending on the outcome—it was normal (in fact, it was considered polite) to get in touch later, privately, by looking them up in the phone book or asking a mutual acquaintance for their contact info.

In your case, maybe the guy asked your professor for your email address. Or hey, maybe it’s listed in a directory somewhere that you’re unaware of. But either way, nothing about what’s happened so far is outside the bounds of normal human behavior; all you know for sure is that he thinks you’re interesting enough to pursue.

And as for what he expects, here’s a wild guess: He expects (or at least hopes) that the classmate with whom he had such an enjoyable connection might be interested in reconnecting with him, too. And as far as I can tell, he’s not wrong about that. So take a deep breath, write a quick response (including an apology for taking so long to reply, but leaving out the part where it’s because you thought he might be a serial killer), and click send.

Besides, if this guy really wanted to kill you, would be be sending you easily traceable emails under his real name? I mean, come on. You said he was smart!

Got something to say? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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