Auntie SparkNotes: I’m Crushing on My Married Boss

Hello, Ms. Auntie Kat!

Ah I have a problem! I’m in love with my married boss. I graduated as a junior (yippee for growing up!) so this year I am working. I have always attracted older guys and hang out with older girls for the most part (I’m 18 now.) I have a twin brother that I am very close with so I have a plethora of buddies and close male friends. At my old job I had several males (2-5 years older) confessing attraction to me.

About four months ago, I procured a second job at a gas station convenience store after graduating. What attracted me to the job is that it is high-paying with good benefits and the people are really awesome. Surprisingly, it was a high-entrance-level job but I did get a position there. However, I am the youngest one to be hired at that store EVER. My second in charge boss is a 32-year-old married man. He is actually the reason I was hired there because he convinced his boss that I would be a great worker. The problem is I’m really attracted to him and he is giving off really strange vibes. He has “cute” nicknames for me, defends me when a co worker even hints at blaming me for something I didn’t do, teases me, and interacts with light physical contact (nothing inappropriate) and has said he thinks I’m cute.

What should I do? Should I interpret his actions just as a goofy older guy trying to be nice and an older work buddy/brother? Am I just flattering myself? I hate myself for even blushing when thinking about him. What would be the best way of trying to derail this crush off its tracks?

Well, that’s easy! You just sap your crush of its strength by turning your thoughts from how cute this guy is, and focus instead on the negative aspects of his personality.

Like, say, the part where he’s flirting with his barely legal coworker despite being 32 years old and married.

Which is a negative, by the way. Even if you’re both irresistibly adorable and mature beyond your years, a married man in his 30s who likes to brush up against his teenaged coworker and tease her with cutesy nicknames is almost certainly toeing the line that divides Professional Behavior from Total Sleaze. And, uh, on that note: I’m having a hard time imagining any scenario in which it’s not completely sketchy for your boss to be touching you at work. Seriously, how is that necessary? It doesn’t have to be sexual to be inappropriate.

Add to that the questionable vibes you’re getting from this dude—vibes which you have no reason not to trust, especially since you’re no stranger to interacting platonically with older guys in general—I think we can reasonably assume that you’re not wrong in your assessment of the situation.

Of course, that doesn’t change the part where you totally like him, too. But Sparkler, I’m really hoping (for all the aforementioned reasons, and then some) that you will start doing your best to stop feeling that way. You’re a smart, ambitious, hard-working young woman with no shortage of friends and suitors; there has to be a guy more deserving of your interest than a 30-something gas station manager who’s already somebody else’s husband. To pursue or encourage this crush would be beneath you on so many levels.

And if you agree with that (and you do, right? Please tell me you agree with that!), then you’ll probably find that it has an instant effect on your romantic feelings for this guy—feelings which you already feel kind of gross about anyway, according to your letter.

Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean your coworker won’t still give you the occasional (or more than occasional) interested vibe. He’s the boss of his own behavior, and while he may take a hint and stop flirting with you if you’re not responding the way you once were, he may also keep on doing it simply because he enjoys it. But unless his behavior is making you uncomfortable to the point of interfering with your work, then there’s no reason why you should worry about it; it’s not your problem, and in fact, learning to simply shrug it off is a skill that will serve you well in future positions as well as this one. Problem coworkers are a fact of life, whether they’re flirty or sleazy or incompetent or just plain mean—and the vast majority of the time, the only thing you can do is just deal with ’em. So keep your head down, keep your chin up, and do your job to the best of your abilities, and you’ll be doing just fine.

Got something to say? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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