Auntie SparkNotes: What If Wisdom Teeth Surgery Makes Me Tell All My Secrets?

Hi!

I have to have my wisdom teeth removed soon, and I am absolutely terrified of what effects the anesthesia will have. I am worried that I will accidentally reveal something the normal me would not like for others to know. I am scared of opening up to people, and I am afraid to imagine what I could say when I am not really in control. I don’t know if this is a reasonable fear, but I would greatly appreciate any help for overcoming this overwhelming issue.

AND YOU SHALL HAVE IT! Starting right…

Now.

Allow me to tell you a story, Sparkler: Once upon a time, when Auntie SparkNotes was a wee young 17-year-old with four wisdom teeth inside her mouth, I also underwent surgery to remove them—with all the attendant loopy effects from the anesthesia. And when I woke up, the first thing I did was cry, a lot. Not for any good reason; it was just a thing that was happening, because a powerful chemical cocktail had just done a soft reset on my brain. Did everyone laugh at me? Yep. (Not that I blame them; I was drooling and bleeding and making noises like a wildebeest in distress, and I would have laughed at me too.) Was it awkward? Maybe a little (although I was too out of it to feel anything as complicated as embarrassment; mostly I was just confused.) But—and this is the important part—nobody, from the dentist to the technicians, actually took the crying seriously or thought something was wrong. Because everyone in the room knew that people who’ve just had oral surgery are like wibbly-wobbly balls made of equal parts misdirected emotion and free-associating semi-consciousness.

In other words, even if you did make some kind of anesthetic-induced boner in front of the limited audience of medical professionals who will be there to see you in the moments after you wake up (which is also unlikely, for reasons we’ll get to in a second) nobody is going to think it means anything or hold it against you—if they can even understand you with your mouth full of gauze and your tongue numbed by novocaine. Shepherding people through the awkward process of regaining consciousness is part of their job, and it’s something they’ll all have done dozens (if not hundreds) of times.

But more importantly, the idea that general anesthesia functions as some kind of truth serum is a bunch of hooey, anyway. Being put under is not unlike being drunk; it can make you discombobulated, it can make you uninhibited, but it doesn’t lay you bare. Unless you’ve done something you want to confess—something you’re only barely holding back to begin with—it’s not going to come out along with your wisdom teeth.

That said, it’s also completely normal and natural that you’re feeling nervous about this. Being unconscious in a room full of near-strangers is an anxiety-inducing proposition, and particularly for someone like you, who doesn’t like being vulnerable even with people you know well. But that’s something you can address before your surgery, simply by telling your doctor that you’re a little freaked out by the idea of being put under. A medical professional who knows you’re anxious is a medical professional who will take extra steps to make sure you’re comfortable, and it won’t be the first time he’s done it, either. It’s a huge part of his work, and it’s one you’ll both be glad you gave him the chance to do right. So the next time you’re in the chair, before you open your mouth and say “Ahhh,” open it and say, “I’m feeling very anxious about having anesthesia.”

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