Blogging The Odyssey: Part 9 (WOW OKAY, SO THE DOG DIES)
Last time on Blogging The Odyssey, Odysseus arrived in Ithaca disguised as a gross hobo.
I never watch movies where the dog dies because I have a delicate constitution. I didn’t even know that “the dog dies” was a thing that could happen in this book. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Book 16: Father and Son
Odysseus is still hanging around with the local swineherd, Eumaeus, whose name I have misspelled five times in the last twenty seconds. (So many vowels, and who knows where any of them go?) Telemachus shows up. He doesn’t recognize Odysseus, which is understandable, because Telemachus was only a baby when Odysseus went off to war. Besides, Odysseus is still employing his “industrial human garbage can” disguise.
Here, the narrative refers to Telemachus as “the true son of Odysseus,” as if there are a bunch of other men running around claiming to also be the son of Odysseus. As near as I can tell, “son of Odysseus” is not a person you want to be; the suitors are still itching to murder him.
Because of this, Telemachus asks Eumaeus to go tell his mother he’s home safe and sound, but to keep this information on the down low. Eumaeus asks, “Should we also tell your grandfather, Laertes? He’s been refusing meals ever since you left, and he’s literally on death’s door,” but Telemachus says, “Nah.” Eumaeus leaves, and Odysseus figures it’s time to tell Telemachus who he really is. He does this by leaving the house as an ugly hobo and returning as a handsome king with a cool cape.
Telemachus has a hard time wrapping his mind around this. Odysseus says
No other Odysseus will ever return to you.
That man and I are one.
which is, I don’t know, sort of a weird way to convince someone that you’re actually their father? He sounds like a robot clone of Odysseus who has just gained sentience and is trying to figure out how the humans work.
Nickelodeon
Telemachus asks how this can be, and Odysseus is forced to explain to him the ways of the gods. I’m not sure why everyone doesn’t already know this. If I were a character in ancient Greek mythology, you wouldn’t have to explain anything to me, ever. You could just say, “Because of the gods,” and I would be like, “That answers everything, please continue.”
Telemachus finally accepts the truth of his father’s words. The reunion is emotional, and soggy. They cry a lot.
Meanwhile, Eumaeus quietly tells Penelope that Telemachus is back in Ithaca. Unfortunately, Telemachus’s crew has just reached the castle, and a messenger announces their return to the entire room, like an idiot. The suitors get together to discuss this development. They were kind of hoping Telemachus would just die at sea. There are three main suitors whose names we should probably know, and they are:
- Antinous, who is a complete nutjob with death in his eyes. He really wants to kill Telemachus.
- Amphinomus, who’s at least sort of reasonable. He says, “Whoa, let’s hold off on this whole murder thing until we know the gods’ will,” and everyone agrees that this is the correct course of action.
- Eurymachus, who is friendly but deceptive. He reassures Penelope that they have no plans to kill Telemachus. Presumably he says to her this while literally texting “We kill at dawn” in the group chat.
I feel like murdering Penelope’s son is not the best way to win the honor of her hand in marriage, but maybe that’s just me.
Book 17: Stranger at the Gates
For some quality father-son bonding time, Odysseus and Telemachus sit down and plot to massacre the suitors. Telemachus then sneaks into the palace to tell his mother that he’s okay, face-to-face. She asks if he discovered anything about Odysseus on his journey. He doesn’t want to lie completely, so he says Odysseus is probably alive somewhere, maybe.
The hitchhiking soothsayer he picked up earlier, Theoclymenus, butts in and blurts out, “ODYSSEUS IS HERE, A BIRD TOLD ME THIS.” However, in keeping with the motif of “prophecies canonically exist in this world but nobody seems to care,” Penelope doesn’t believe him.
Odysseus himself heads on over to the castle, dressed once more as a beggar. And then. AND THEN. And then he sees his old, decrepit dog, Argos, lying completely neglected in a pile of dung outside. The dog is covered in flies and hasn’t been fed in ages. And Argos RECOGNIZES ODYSSEUS IMMEDIATELY. HE SEES “GROSS HOMELESS MAN WHO’S BEEN MAGICALLY TRANSFIGURED BY THE GODS SO AS TO BE UNRECOGNIZABLE TO EVEN HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS AND FAMILY,” AND HE THINKS “ODYSSEUS!”
He then wags his tail. HE WAGS HIS GODDAMN TAIL. IT PAINS ODYSSEUS TO LEAVE HIM THERE, BUT HE KNOWS HE CAN’T BLOW HIS COVER, SO HE WALKS RIGHT ON BY. AND THEN ARGOS DIES, FINALLY CONTENT TO PASS FROM THIS WORLD TO THE NEXT, HAVING AT LAST SEEN HIS OLD MASTER AFTER TWENTY LONG YEARS APART.
DON’T LOOK AT ME. THIS IS HOMEWARD BOUND ALL OVER AGAIN.
Other stuff happens, I guess. Telemachus reveals himself to the suitors, but the suitors don’t want to murder him right there in the royal hall, because it might get messy. Odysseus goes around and begs for food. A few of the suitors give him some. Antinous, however, throws a chair at him. Penelope invites Odysseus (just some homeless man begging for scraps in her castle, as far as she knows) to her chamber to talk, but Odysseus says no; he’ll come by later, when they can have some privacy.
All of this happens, but to be honest I’m still upset about this dog I hadn’t even heard about for 300 pages. It sounds like I’m being sarcastic, but I am actually very sad.
Discussion questions:
- What’s the saddest dog movie of all time? I am in a mood.
- Everyone (Telemachus, Athena, Odysseus, etc.) keeps asking if Penelope has picked a husband yet. Odysseus has spent the last ten years with Circe and Calypso, though the narrative says he “did not consent in his heart.” If Penelope had relented and married a suitor just to stop the madness (even if she “did not consent in her heart”), do you think she’d be forgiven as readily as Odysseus, or do you think she’d go the way of Agamemnon’s wife, Clytemnestra?
- We’re 300 pages into this book. Does anyone have a favorite character? I have like twelve least-favorites, but Athena’s pretty cool.
Looking for the rest of our Blogging the Classics series? Check it out here! (We’ve also done The Great Gatsby and Lord of the Flies. You’re welcome.)
For all of Blogging The Odyssey, click here!
