If Literature’s Biggest Romantics Could Text

Nobody is good at texting. I myself have sent thousands of texts over the course of my life, and all of them were a mistake. Mostly it’s a lot of people saying “Hey, are you busy?” and me texting back “Sorry, just saw this!” three years later. (I didn’t want to seem overeager. You understand.)

And when you throw flirting and crushes into the mix? Forget about it. Now, if there was anyone who could possibly pull this off, you’d think it would fictional romantics. You know—those paragons of charm and perfection designed to make real-life men look like human-shaped garbage in a half-zipped pullover. Realistically, however, literature’s most prolific romantic heroes would likely be texting catastrophes. For example…