Dating has really come a long way. Nowadays we can just scroll through viable romantic partners while we’re waiting in line at Target with an armful of Hostess snacks and Diet Coke, but things weren’t always so easy.
In the 1950s, you had to sexily make eye contact with someone at a malt shop. In the 18th century, you had to wait for your parents to set you up with an aristocrat who was richer than you and had shapely calves. In the Middle Ages, you had to hope your beloved didn’t die of the plague. And in ancient Greece, pretty much all you had to do was be Zeus, and things would just sort of fall into place, somehow (“somehow” meaning “through trickery, kidnapping, and/or pretending to be a swan”).
So what would’ve happened if Greek mythology had thrown Tinder into the mix? Would Zeus have put a stupid cliche in his bio? Probably, but let’s find out together.