The New The Huntsman: Winter’s War Trailer=Pure, Unadulterated HEMSWORTH HOTNESS
As you may or may not know, I once said the word “barf” an unjustifiable number of times while in the immediate vicinity of Australian national treasure Chris Hemsworth, and then suggested that his invisible trombone skills were mediocre at best. Basically, he and his white v-neck rendered me a flop-sweating, babbling moron; SUCH IS THE POWER OF THE HEMS. Considering the depth of my lurve for the chisel-jawed dreamboat, it should come as no surprise that I’ve been drooling non-stop since I heard that he’d be reprising his role as Brighton, the Aragorn-meets-Johanna-Mason rebel-warrior, in the upcoming The Huntsman: Winter’s War.
This prequel to Snow White and the Huntsman has my favorite man-bunned, maple syrup-scented (just a guess), actual Greek god once again donning a leather vest and firing up his sexual charisma—and if you think that I cannot even-ed over the first trailer, YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN’ YET. Can I promise that the next 2 minutes and 24 seconds will be best of your life? No. But I’m going to anyway. THE NEXT 2 MINUTES AND 24 SECONDS WILL BE THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE.
TO RECAP, here are the instances in which Hemmy the Huntsman owned our laptop screens and our hearts:
-When he murderized that straw dude and smirked at Sara (played by devastatingly gorgeous ginger Jessica Chastain) like, “HEY GIRL, I KNOW THAT YOU COULD KICK MY ASS, AND DAMN IS THAT ATTRACTIVE.”
-When he did literally anything involving an axe:
-When he got into some SERIOUS martial arts biznass and we all wished we could trade places with Sara because YES PLEASE.
-When he jumped off a mountain and flew through the air like a sexy gazelle, gifting us with this FANTASTIC glimpse of the elusive Hems-butt:
-When he was #squadgoals with those dwarves:
-HOLD UP THERE’S A SCENE IN WHICH HE TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF IN FRONT OF A BLAZING FIRE?!? SH*$ JUST GOT REALLLLLLLLLLL
-When he gave Queen Ravena (aka my BFF Charlize Theron) that irresistibly cocky “YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET HEMSWORTH-ED” look and then got all up in her flawless facial space with his leather-pant-bedecked assassin skillz. Also, for the record, if I have to turn my sister’s baby into smoke and sell my soul to an anthropomorphic mirror in order to get myself a “YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET HEMSWORTH-ED” look, then Sparklers, I WILL DO IT IN A HOT SECOND.
In conclusion: CHRIS HEMSWORTH, I WANT TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE TO CHILI’S AND GET YOU BOTTOMLESS FRENCH FRIES. FEEL FREE TO SEXT ME ANY TIME.
Are you FUUHHHHHH-REAKING OUT over this trailer? Is Hemmy GIVING YOU SO MUCH LIFE? Does this motion poster of Charlize just SLAY YOU?!?
All gifs (except motion posters) made by SparkLife using Universal Pictures’ The Huntsman: Winter’s War trailer on Youtube
