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“Sunday on these secret visits back home, where the food was plentiful and free, and where his grandmother would do his laundry, and where every word he spoke and every sketch he showed would be savored and murmured about approvingly.”
In JB’s introduction in Part I, Chapter 2, he returns home to his family, who spoil and admire him. Even JB, who is outwardly so optimistic about his own talents and chances of success, carries the weight of self-doubt and craves his family’s confidence in him. The scene demonstrates how regardless of circumstance, everyone craves approval. The adoration of JB’s family shows JB’s selfish side, but given the chance, his friends might trade places with him, sacrificing their own personalities to the warmth and security of a doting family and a comfortable home. Life promises so much and delivers so little that these customs upon which JB relies, while they might make him an object of derision, also serve as a solid foundation from which to launch a dubious and risky artistic career.
“[H]e was worried because to be alive was to worry. Life was scary; it was unknowable. Even Malcolm’s money wouldn’t immunize him completely. Life would happen to him, and he would have to try to answer it, just like the rest of them.”
In Part V, Chapter 2, Jude remembers when JB set fire to one of Malcolm’s little houses, and he recalls that JB did not understand that Malcolm needed to build houses to feel a sense of control in the face of life’s unpredictability. Among the four friends, Malcolm is the least defined, which summarizes his nature. He is not deeply committed to any identity or cause, and with his family’s wealth, it is tempting to assume, as JB does, that Malcolm’s life is easy. Much of the pressure Malcolm feels is self-imposed, as he tries to live up to the expectations he believes his parents and society set for him. But just because the pressure is in his head does not mean that it is made up. Life happens inside of our imaginations as much as it does anywhere else, and Malcolm understands that he will face challenges for which his money, family, and talent cannot prepare him. That prospect frightens him.
“It has been a year, more, since he has had a reprieve from the pain in his feet. And yet every morning when he wakes, he places them on the floor and is, for a second, hopeful. Maybe today he will feel better. Maybe today the pain will have abated. But he never does; it never does.”
By the time he is in forties, Jude has had ample evidence of life’s endless misery, yet he still wakes up hopeful, as shown in Part V, Chapter 3. Jude’s continued existence is a miracle, and the fact that he continues to live optimistically is almost unfathomable. His continued existence proves life’s implausibility. Despite every evidence to the contrary, Jude continues to believe that his pain might disappear. However, he cannot believe that his friends truly want to help him or that he deserves such goodwill. The miraculous nature of life gives Jude false hope in the worst ways and little comfort where he needs it most.
