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Chapters 15–20 

Summary: Chapter 15: Violet: 147-146 days till freedom

The next morning, Violet finds Finch lying on her front lawn. They ride their bikes to school, Finch wondering where they will go tomorrow, when they wander. Violet hesitates to commit, thinking about Ryan and the drive-in date. 

When they arrive at school, Violet receives a text from Suze: “Theodore Freak?!! WTF?!” Violet tells Finch she has plans the next day.

On Saturday, Violet hangs up on Jerri Sparks, the reporter, when Sparks suggests that Violet couldn’t save her sister, but she saved Theodore Finch. 

Ryan arrives and they head to the drive-in. Amanda and Roamer are already there, and soon are making out in the front seat. As Violet watches the movie, she realizes that wandering with Finch “would be more fun than this.” She wonders what he is doing. Then, avoiding Ryan’s wandering hands, Violet uses curfew as an excuse and she walks home. Ryan accompanies her. As they say goodnight, she turns her head. His kiss lands on her cheek.

Summary: Chapter 16: Finch: Day 15 (I am still awake)

Finch arrives early at Violet’s house. Violet’s surprised to find that her parents have invited him for breakfast. Finch wants to know about the Violet “before.” Finch and her parents share a laugh, at her expense, after they tell him the Boy Parade story. 

Once outside, Violet hops on her bike and tells Finch to follow her. But Finch doesn’t have his bike. After much back and forth discussion, Violet, or Ultraviolet as Finch calls her, climbs into Finch’s car. 

Finch gently prods and Violet finally tells him about the accident. Eleanor, she confides, was her best friend, someone she could be herself with and who loved the best and worst of her. Finch wonders what that would be like. Violet apologizes for Roamer and the others’ behavior.

Finch and Violet arrive at Bookmobile Park. Finch meets Faye Carnes, the “mastermind” of the park. She gives him a tour and tells him the story of how the park came to be. Eventually, Violet finds them, ready to purchase some books. Mrs. Carnes goes to fetch change, while Violet and Finch explore each trailer together. 

On their way back to the car, Finch suddenly takes off running, past Violet. Violet runs past him, and they race to the car. Violet wins. Finch tells her to write about their wandering before they forget. 

Summary: Chapter 17: Violet: 145 days till liberation

Finch crosses the center divider and heads in the opposite direction on the interstate. On a quiet country road, they search for street signs. He turns at “Church” and announces they have arrived. In front of them is a big factory building. They read the words, written as though on a chalkboard, “Before I die …” that appear in column after column all along the wall. 

Finch writes “Before I die” followed by a blank line many times in the spaces he finds on the wall. This, he attests, will be “a good way to figure out just why we’re here.” 

Finch and Violet fill in the blanks and read each other’s work. Finch erases his last entry, “And meet Boy Parade,” and replaces it with, “And kiss Violet Markey.” Violet admits to herself that she hopes he does. He doesn’t though, telling her “Not here. Not now.” He tells her, “That doesn’t mean I like you.”
They stop at the Quarry, the bar in downtown Bartlett where Finch has played guitar. Everyone there seems to know him. He pulls Violet out onto the dance floor. She shouts over the music, “I don’t like you either.”

Summary: Chapter 18: Finch: Day 15 (still)

On the way home, Finch asks Violet what her epitaph would say. She’s not sure, but Finch doesn’t hesitate. His is “Theodore Finch, in search of the Great Manifesto,” which he tells her means “to count for something … in short, to remain a memory.” 

Violet asks Finch where he was on Friday. Finch tells her he gets headaches sometimes, “no big deal.” He doesn’t give her the details, that it is kind of a big deal. He doesn’t just feel his headaches, he sees them: words, colors, and sounds. But Finch tells Violet that he thinks he’s okay.

Once home, Finch checks the voicemail on the house line. He and Kate check it regularly, and erase messages they don’t want their mom to hear. Finch deletes the message of concern Embryo has left. 

In his room, Finch considers the mechanics of hanging from his ceiling, even moving his chair and standing on it. The ceiling is too low. 

At one point, several years back, Finch had talked about the warnings that the Sleep was coming with Gabe Romero, who was his friend back then. Gabe told his parents, who told Finch’s teacher, who told the principal, who told his parents. The next day he was labeled Theodore Freak. 

Finch begins rearranging his furniture to make a smaller space in his room. Smaller spaces feel safer, when the Asleep is coming.

Summary: Chapter 19: Finch: Days 16 and 17

Finch meets with Embryo and denies that he has tried to hurt himself. Embryo has read the Bartlett Dirt and is concerned. He is one of the few people “who pays attention.” Finch, to convince him that he has a lot to live for, tells Embryo about Violet, but calls her, Lizzy. “Just be careful,” Embryo says. The implication that Finch’s happiness will come to an end, that Violet Markey might break his heart, angers Finch. Embryo encourages Finch to think about his future. The future Finch is thinking about is seeing Violet later that day.

During the school day, Finch runs back and forth to meet Violet outside of each of her classes. Principal Wertz sees him and tells him to get to class. Finch speeds up the stairs and runs into Roamer who falls into Amanda. Finch sprints away and catches up to Violet who tells him that he’s driving her crazy. Pressed up against her locker with Finch leaning in closely, Violet closes her eyes. Mr. Kappel, the baseball coach, sees them and gives detention to both of them.

Violet won’t look at Finch in detention. She tells Mr. Stohler that Finch is the reason she’s there.

Summary: Chapter 20: Violet: 142 days to go

At 2 a.m., Violet awakens to rocks against her window. Finch stands in the front yard in his pajamas and hoodie. Violet joins him outside and they drive downtown to Bookmarks, where his mother works. Finch unlocks the door. He is looking for a book that he couldn’t find at Bookmobile Park: Oh, the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss. They find the book and read, then act, then sing, dance, or “flip flap” their way through the verses. 

Next, Finch drives Violet to Purina Tower. They climb the 25,000 steps, sit on a blanket, and take in the view. Violet searches for something poetic to say about the beauty in front of them and settles for “It’s lovely.” They sit and talk about writing, about life. 

Finch gets up and stands at the guardrail. He yells into the air all of the things he hates, all of the things he wants to change. Then, he looks at Violet and says, “Your turn.” She joins him at the rail, holding onto his shirt, perhaps to keep him from falling over the edge. She can only think of all the things she wants to shout. So they start singing Dr. Seuss again.

Once home, Violet wants Finch to kiss her. But he doesn’t.

Analysis: Chapters 15–20

Violet’s noncommittal stance with both Finch and Ryan illustrates that she is still unable to move past her grief on her own. Her willingness to go through the motions and accept Ryan’s invitation even though her heart isn’t in it indicates that she is not being honest with herself about the situation. She makes a small step toward being truthful when she admits to herself that spending time with Finch would be more fun, but the fact that her parents’ breakfast invitation is the catalyst for realizing that she can have a fun time with Finch suggests that she still needs someone else to give her a gentle push in the right direction. 

Violet still requires some sort of pretext in order to relax and embrace the moment, and Finch’s new nickname for her provides her with that pretext. Just as Finch comes out of his shell in the guise of his bad-boy persona, Violet becomes bolder once he refers to her as Ultraviolet. Violet’s new ultra- or alter-ego gives her strength, and when she eagerly explores Bookmobile Park, clearly a three-dimensional version of Finch’s Post-it wall, this new and neutral external space allows them both to get out of their heads and have fun.

Like his bad-boy persona, the “Before I die …” wall is another pretext that provides Finch with a safe way to draw Violet’s attention toward him. Writing his intention to kiss Violet allows Finch to maintain control of the situation by minimizing the risk of rejection that might result from verbalizing his thoughts. It also serves as a contract of sorts, because Finch takes words seriously and does not back down once he commits a feeling to writing. He also conveys his respect for Violet by vowing to kiss “Violet Markey” as opposed to “Ultraviolet,” which acknowledges the person she is, as opposed to the identity he has created for her. Finch sees the potential in Violet but, with this gesture, he demonstrates that he also understands that she is in control of her own identity and that he does not intend to limit her possibilities to his own imagination. 

The conversation that Violet and Finch have about their respective epitaphs is a way for them to talk about their beliefs regarding death and suicide. Like the “Before I die ...” wall, this exercise illustrates that Violet is able to use words to state her intent as well as record the past. For Finch, it is yet another example of the practical and mechanical way in which he contemplates the before, during, and aftermath of his own death. Finch creates lists of what he would like to accomplish before dying as well as how to bring about his own death. By drafting his own epitaph, he maintains a sense of control he doesn’t feel he has over his own mind. This is Finch’s way of controlling how he is viewed after his death by those who love him as well as those who call him a freak.

Finch’s instincts for survival are intact but his propensity to hide show that they are also misguided. In creating smaller and smaller spaces for himself, he hides from his illness in order to endure it, but Finch also hides from those who might help him, like Mr. Embry, who is still the one adult in Finch’s life who asks him direct questions about his mental state. Because he has had so few positive interactions with the adults in his life, however, Finch has learned to guard his words.

Violet also keeps her guard up as a survival tactic, but it doesn’t prevent her from engaging in new experiences with Finch. Finch’s company relaxes Violet and allows her to cede her self-control in a way that contributes to her emotional growth. When she and Finch bond over the soothing and silly words of Dr. Seuss, the pleasant regression is important for Violet because it allows her to retreat to a time before every aspect of her life was tinged with grief, and to be gentle with herself. This subtle shift is evident when she concedes that the view from the Purina Tower is “lovely,” a far gentler observation than the one she shared about the ugliness of Hoosier Hill. This ability to open up and to be gentle with herself will serve Violet well when dealing with grief in the near future.

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