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Chapters 35–49

Summary: Chapter 35: Violet: The morning after

The next morning, Violet realizes that her parents have no idea where she is. They speed back to her house. Although Finch tries to smooth things over, Violet’s dad insists that he leave. 

Violet faces her parents. They tell her that Finch is a troubled boy and she shouldn’t be spending time with him. The previous night they had called his parents, searching for her, and discovered that Finch had lied about his father. Finch, they now know, was the one in the bell tower.

Violet tells her parents that they don’t trust her, that maybe they should lock her up so they don’t have to worry about her. Her parents forbid her from seeing Finch, and say they’ll talk to her teacher about having her write a report for the project rather than continuing the wandering she and Finch have been doing. Extenuating Circumstances, Violet mutters. 

From her window, Violet waits for Finch to appear. If he does, she’ll climb down and they’ll drive away. But he doesn’t come.

Summary: Chapter 36: Finch: What follows

Finch’s dad is waiting when he gets home. He throws Finch across the kitchen. Finch tells his dad that he can beat him all he wants, but Finch doesn’t feel it anymore. Finch then grabs his dad’s upraised arm and says, “Just so you know, you will never do that again.”

No one follows him up the stairs to his room, even though Finch has left his door open. He messages Violet, telling her how sorry he is, checking in to make sure she’s okay. He tells her that she has showed him that there is such a thing as a perfect day.

The next day, Finch rings the bell at Violet’s house, wanting to explain things to her parents but again they tell him to go away. 

At home, Finch discovers that EleanorandViolet.com is gone. He messages Violet. She tells him to give her parents time. He types, “That’s the only thing I don’t have.” But then he erases the message.

Summary: Chapter 37: Finch: How to survive quicksand

Finch moves into his closet. He calls it Finch Survival Boot Camp. He’s attended this camp before. He contemplates what it would take to drown in quicksand, then considers that if he can follow the Eight Steps to Surviving Quicksand, “he’ll get through this.” He thinks about his situation as it relates to each of the steps.

Summary: Chapter 38: Violet: The week after

Back at school, Violet expects everyone to know she’s no longer a virgin. Brenda, though, is the only one who puts two and two together. Brenda reassures Violet that Finch will not tell anyone.
Violet asks Brenda if she wants to write for Germ. Brenda agrees.

Violet sees Finch during the week, meeting him under the stairwells where they kiss. At night, they message back and forth. Finch is anxious for Violet’s parents to forgive him. She insists they just need time. 

On Saturday, Violet crawls up the fire escape at Finch’s house, having told her parents she was going to Amanda’s. They spend the day in his room, eventually talking about all the places in the world they want to Do It. They call it Wander-mania. 

Then, just for a brief second, a feeling comes over Violet that she has had before, as if Finch has “stepped behind a curtain.” The feeling passes. She stays longer.

Summary: Chapter 39: Violet: Spring break

Violet and her parents travel to NYU. Violet worries that Finch hasn’t responded to her latest messages. She feels the weight of her parents’ expectations and grief over not being able to share the college-visit experience with Eleanor. That night, Violet writes a message to Finch, quoting Virginia Woolf.

Summary: Chapter 40: Finch: Day 64 of the Awake

Finch and Decca help their mom in the garden, then head to their dad’s on the last weekend of Spring break. Decca doesn’t want to go, but Finch tells her it means a lot to their dad, “even though he doesn’t show it.” 

Finch texts Violet, telling her he can’t get away yet, he’s “currently in hell.” At his dad’s house, Finch spends some one-on-one time with Josh Raymond. Finch’s dad, in one of his better moods, as if he’s forgotten what’s happened, suggests that Finch invite Violet over. Finch tells him she’s busy on Sundays.

Finch walks home, climbs into Little Bastard, and drives, aimlessly. On his way back to town, he gets out of the car and starts running. “It will be alright, it will be okay,” he reassures himself. He pounds on the door of a farmhouse, next to a nursery. Apologetically, he tells the woman who answers the door, Margaret Ann that he wants to pick a few flowers for his girlfriend. It’s an emergency, Finch explains. Winter is here and he doesn’t know where he’ll be by spring. Henry, Margaret Ann’s husband, drives Finch back to his car. 

Finch drives to Violet’s house, where she comes outside. He gives her the flowers. For Violet, winter is over. She tells Finch, “You brought me spring.” 

Summary: Chapter 41: Finch: Days 65 and 66

Back at school, Finch struggles to concentrate in class as his downward spiral continues. At lunch, Charlie sees through Finch’s fake smiles and wonders what’s the matter with him. 

In U.S. Geography, Finch still cannot focus and thinks about how he feels. He sits at his desk and writes, hiding his paper from Violet. The list covers details of his life, the good and the not-so-good, but writing it makes him feel heavier. 

Finch escorts Violet to her class, gives her a kiss, and a fake smile. He doesn’t want her to see him this way.

Finch is late for his appointment with Embryo, who wants to know what is wrong. Finch lies, telling Embryo it is troubles with his dad, then realizes he is caught in the lie he has told Embryo about his dad being dead. In his head, or so he thinks, Finch recites the suicide note of Vladimir Mayakovski. He realizes he’s recited the poem out loud when he sees that Embryo is clearly alarmed. Embryo asks Finch what he knows about bipolar disorder, manic depression. Another label, thinks Finch, to explain why I am this way. Embryo tells Finch he is not alone.

The following day, Roamer calls Finch “Freak” as he walks by. Finch grabs Roamer by the neck. It takes four people to pull Finch off of Roamer, at which time Finch tells Roamer, “You will never call me that again.” 

Summary: Chapter 42: Violet: March 10

Finch calls Violet during third period. He’s been expelled and wants her to go with him to the Nest Houses, south of Evansville. She tells him they can go Saturday, at which Finch says he’d rather go by himself anyway. He hangs up on Violet and she wonders what is going on with him.

Summary: Chapter 43: Finch: Days 66 and 67

Finch can’t find the Nest Houses, so he returns home. He finds himself disappearing as he stares at himself in the mirror. He goes into his closet, quietly, so as not to wake up the darkness. 

In the morning, he listens to a voicemail left by Mr. Embry on the house line, expressing his concern for Finch. Finch deletes the message. He goes back to his closet. He fears Violet will find out the truth about the thoughts that run through his mind, “I am broken. I am a fraud. I am impossible to love.” And the label: bipolar.

Finch is invisible at dinner that night. He takes sleeping pills from his mom’s cabinet and brings them to his room. He takes several of the pills. He wonders if he’ll experience the acclamation Cesare Pavese felt. He doesn’t. 

Finch begins having second thoughts and drags himself to the bathroom, where he tries to throw up. He can’t. He runs to the hospital, telling the first person he sees what he has done, then he passes out. When he awakens, he fills out paperwork, laughing, realizing he’s alive, as he writes Josh Raymond, age 17 on the form. 

Summary: Chapter 44: Finch: Day 71

Finch attends a Life Is Life meeting in an Ohio town. He has avoided Violet for days. Demetrius, the counselor, introduces himself. Finch wishes he hadn’t come. Demetrius asks the participants to fill in the blank, “      is life.” Finch says, “The Jovian-Plutonian gravitational effect is life.”

Another participant comes through the door. She avoids eye contact with Finch. She introduces herself as Rachel and says she is bulimic and has attempted suicide twice. “Secrecy is life,” she says, looking directly at Finch. Rachel is actually Amanda Monk.  

For Finch, the stories of those at the meeting are heartbreaking. Everyone here has tried to commit suicide. When the meeting is over, he finds Amanda in the parking lot, and promises he won’t tell anyone. She confesses she still thinks about suicide, and that is why she goes to the meetings. Now, she assures Finch, he knows that he’s not the only freak.

Summary: Chapter 45: Violet: March 18

When she hasn’t heard from Finch in several days, Violet borrows her mom’s car. At Finch’s house, Violet introduces herself to his mother. Violet realizes that Finch’s mother doesn’t know he has been expelled. In the kitchen, Finch’s mom, sister Kate, and Violet chat as if everything is fine. 

Violet finds Finch upstairs in his room. He tells her that he’s still not feeling quite well, then invites her into his closet, where he “thinks better.” He shows her his positive wall and negative wall, and they write words and phrases on Post it notes. Eventually, they have sex, talk more, and add more notes to the wall. Finch confesses that he experiences dark moods that he can’t shake. He tells her the story of the cardinal in the backyard, and his first black mood when the cardinal died. He tells her he hasn’t talked to his parents about these moods, but he has been talking to a counselor at school. Finch asks Violet to keep his secret, just as he has kept hers.

Summary: Chapter 46: Finch: Day 75 

Finch quotes Cesare Pavese. Finch is “in pieces.”

Summary: Chapter 47: Violet: March 20

At school, Amanda tells Violet that she saw Finch at the Life Is Life meeting. He had told Amanda about swallowing the pills. 

After school, Violet rides Leroy to Finch’s house, but he isn’t there. Back home, she messages him and he responds immediately, telling her tomorrow is his birthday. She wants to ask him about what Amanda told her but doesn’t. He asks her to come over tomorrow at 6 p.m. for his birthday.

Summary: Chapter 48: Violet: March 21 and beyond

In Finch’s room, he tells Violet to close her eyes as he leads her to the closet. He sits her down, and she opens her eyes. The closet is like the Emerald City, walls and ceilings painted with planets and stars, Jupiter and Pluto in perfect alignment. They share food from Happy Family and pass a bottle of vodka back and forth. Violet gives Finch a first-edition copy of The Waves, her birthday gift to him, and inscribed a note inside. 

They lie in the closet and Finch tells Violet about Sir Patrick Moore’s concept of the black hole. A black hole swallows up everything around it; within it, there’s a point of no return, which Violet suggests sounds like a blue hole. Finch says that “being sucked into the black hole would pretty much be the coolest way to die.” 

Violet starts to cry at this and tells Finch that she spoke to Amanda and she knows about the pills. He tells her he doesn’t need help, that she couldn’t save Eleanor, and she can’t save him. Finch’s mood turns dark, and Violet begs him not to “be like this.” Violet slams the door as she leaves.

At home, Violet confesses to her parents that Finch is the one who saved her on the ledge, and he’s on the ledge now. She tells them everything, and her mom leaves a message for Finch’s mom.

For the next several days, Violet tries to reach Finch, and her parents try to reach his. Finch doesn’t show up at school because he’s been expelled, and Charlie and Brenda haven’t heard from him either. Violet messages him, asking him to let her know he’s okay.

At some point, still not having heard from Finch, Violet goes to his house. No one is in his room, which is bare. She searches for clues as to his whereabouts. Decca tells her that sometimes he goes away, but he’ll be back. Violet wonders, why no one thinks to ask why he does what he does? Why does no one seem to care? She leaves yet another voicemail message for Finch.

Summary: Chapter 49: Finch: Day 80 (a muthaf#@*ing world record)

Finch poses a question to himself from Robert Lowell’s “Epilogue.” “Yet why not say what happened?” Finch cannot say; he can’t distinguish real from unreal feelings. He thinks about the cardinal’s death, and how he felt responsible. He recounts Cesare Pavese’s words before he died, “We do not remember days, we remember moments.” Finch remembers the moments, with Violet.

Analysis: Chapters 35–49

In the emotional aftermath of Finch and Violet’s return, both sets of parents respond in ways that illustrate how different their goals are for their children. Finch’s father’s only objective is to punish Finch, but Violet’s parents take measures that demonstrate that their main concern is to protect their remaining daughter. Niven employs irony as a literary device when Violet’s parents use writing as a form of punishment. Finch has encouraged Violet to write since they began their wanderings, and it is ironic that she may begin writing only when their shared journey is on a forced hiatus. 

In the aftermath of their forced separation, Finch and Violet’s other social interactions serve as a barometer for their well-being. Violet’s blossoming friendship with Brenda indicates her growing confidence, and Brenda is now a sounding board for Violet in much the way that Charlie was once a grounding presence for Finch. Finch no longer relies on anyone else but Violet, however, and his withdrawal indicates that he is becoming increasingly unwell just as Violet begins to thrive, both in Finch’s presence and on her own.

Violet’s trip to NYU is the longest journey she has taken since her sister’s death, and despite the forward-looking premise of the trip, it forces her to take a step back emotionally. Away from Finch, her thoughts turn to the fraught words of Virginia Woolf, perhaps because it is too painful for her to draw upon the whimsical words of Dr. Seuss that she and Finch shared in a more recent, happier time. Violet has no shared memories with Finch in New York, and the fact that she looks for consolation in the language of a more darkly emotional writer both speaks to her despondence and suggests that she is temporarily more comfortable in the familiar mode of grief. It takes an in-person visit from Finch to lift her dark mood, and the flowers that he gives her bring color to her outlook even as they foreshadow Finch’s pending departure.

Finch’s survival instincts are still strong enough to kick in during extreme moments, but the contemplative environment of the Life Is Life meeting proves challenging. It provides Finch with too much time to think, so he again talks himself out of any practical help the meeting might offer. Finch wears the bipolar label as uneasily as he did the freak label that Roamer gave him so many years ago, and his lack of seriousness during the “___ is life.” exercise indicates how weary he has become of words and of life. This is a stark contrast to the the free-spirited game that Finch played with Violet in Chapter 17, when he enjoyed contemplating the open-ended “Before I die …” possibilities.

As Finch moves forward in transforming his closet, he emotionally retreats further into it. Finch creates a more festive yet equally controlled environment in the closet to celebrate his birthday, but when Violet begins to cry, he loses control of his emotions and speaks cruelly to her for the first time. This harsh treatment is a stark departure from his usual gentle manner with her, and speaks to how troubled he has become. It is not the last time that his actions will cause her grief.

Violet’s alarm at Finch’s dark mood compels her to take an active stance on his behalf. Rather than speak to Finch’s mother, she speaks to her parents. They are no longer so angry with Finch that they refrain from helping him, but the message that her mother leaves for Finch’s mother is no more effective than a Post-it note. Violet also continues to leave messages for Finch, who would rather recall his own memories of Violet than engage with the real Violet in person because the mental disconnect that his illness has wrought makes it difficult to distinguish what is real in the present. Like Cesare Pavese, Finch is more confident in memories than the daily flow of events. Finch also looks to Robert Lowell, a contemporary poet who suffered from bipolar disorder. Lowell wrote “Epilogue” in 1977, the year of his death, and Finch’s recall of his words makes it clear that Finch is contemplating his own mortality as well.

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