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In I’m Glad My Mom Died, Jennette McCurdy’s mother, Debra, referred to throughout the book as “Mom,” is portrayed as a controlling and manipulative figure whose influence profoundly impacts Jennette’s life. Mom grew up wanting to be an actor herself, but her ambitions were thwarted by unsupportive parents. Now that she has a daughter, she decides to realize her dreams vicariously. Jennette becomes Mom’s surrogate, living out her aspirations. From the beginning, it is clear that Mom has significant mental health issues. In the wake of a battle with cancer, she has become a compulsive hoarder, hanging onto broken items in order to preserve her memories. When Jennette asks Mom for advice about how to stave off puberty, it becomes clear that Mom has a very unhealthy relationship with food and has been severely restricting her own calorie intake for years. Mom also has an unpredictable temper, and often initiates physical altercations with her husband, spitting at him, threatening him with a kitchen knife, and forcing him to sleep in the car.

Mom is a master of manipulation, using guilt and fear to maintain control over Jennette and her family. As a mother, Mom’s instinct is to keep her children dependent and infantilized. She goes as far as to insist on showering Jennette and one of her brothers even when they are teenagers. Mom invades Jennette’s privacy in other abusive ways, checking her breasts and genitals for cancer and insisting that only she can wash Jennette’s hair. Mom is also a pushy and demanding stage manager, insisting that Jennette’s agents submit her for the most desirable roles even if she doesn’t fit the bill. Mom is highly focused on Jennette’s marketability and is delighted by Jennette’s ability to sob her heart out on cue, never questioning whether there is anything ominous behind her child’s ability to cry so easily and convincingly.

Despite Mom’s negative influence, Jennette’s narrative reveals complexity and nuance in their relationship. Jennette treasures Mom’s brief moments of happiness. Mom’s vulnerability when her cancer returns adds another layer to their relationship, with Jennette feeling both sympathy and resentment towards her. Ultimately, Mom dies without changing or seeking forgiveness from those she has harmed. She doesn’t even have the grace to be honest, on her deathbed, about the fact that the man Jennette calls Dad is not her biological father. The revelation that Mom had three children with a man the McCurdy kids have never even heard of is just one of many signs that Mom lacks both empathy and a sense of accountability. Although Mom’s death is a traumatic event for Jennette, it also signals the end of a childhood and young adulthood characterized by abuse and manipulation.

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