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Mom’s control over Jennette’s life continues after Jennette begins working at Nickelodeon. Jennette also has to seek validation from a second powerful influence in this new environment: her boss at iCarly, whom she refers to only as “The Creator.” Jennette finds her first real friend in her co-star Miranda, but her childhood continues to be far from normal as she grows up on the set. In particular, The Creator holds a disturbing power over her. He demonstrates an inappropriately sexualized interest in Jennette, demanding to see photos of her in a bikini and forcing her to experience her first kiss on camera, criticizing her throughout. Despite The Creator’s voyeuristic tendencies and willingness to exploit children, Mom encourages Jennette to ingratiate herself to him. Jennette feels similarly around The Creator as she does around Mom—on edge and desperate to please. When The Creator offers Jennette her own show, she isn’t as happy as Mom wants her to be. The Creator’s offer has strings attached, as she knows she’ll be required to do everything he says in order to keep this opportunity.

Read an in-depth analysis of The Creator.

After three years on iCarly, Jennette’s life improves somewhat, mainly because of her evolving relationships. One shift is that Mom becomes less controlling. Due to Jennette’s acting success, Mom is less stressed about money, which in turn makes her less abrasive. Mom also exercises less vigilance over Jennette’s diet, largely due to the fact that Jennette eats meals communally alongside other cast members. Perhaps the most positive change is that Jennette is no longer socially isolated, having developed a friendship with her co-star, Miranda Cosgrove. Despite these improvements, Jennette continues to face challenges. Her discomfort with fame is palpable, particularly her aversion to being recognized by iCarly fans. She is also deeply uncomfortable as she navigates the transition through puberty under the unforgiving gaze of TV cameras. After suffering the humiliation of everyone on set knowing when she has her first period, she resumes calorie restriction in an attempt to delay her physical development. Having gained some self-awareness, she starts to resent Mom for pushing her into a life she never wanted. This is the beginning of her realization that her relationship with Mom is deeply flawed. She overcompensates for her perceived disloyalty by showering Mom with insincere affection.

When iCarly goes on hiatus, Mom reasserts control over Jennette’s life by deciding she should pursue a career in music. However, just as Jennette is about to embark on her first tour, they discover something Jennette has been dreading for years: Mom’s cancer is back. Despite Jennette’s desire to cancel the tour in light of this news, Mom insists that the show must go on. Ironically, going on tour at Mom’s bidding actually sets Jennette free from Mom’s control for the first time ever. This newfound freedom, however, is hard for Jennette to manage. Without Mom’s vigilance, she finds herself enjoying food and gaining weight, with all the attendant guilt and shame of becoming more womanly when Mom wants her to remain childlike. Her newfound freedom also allows her to experience her first real kiss, but the experience is marred when she feels repelled by the feeling of physical attraction. This repulsion reflects her internalized discomfort with her maturing body. When Jennette and Mom are reunited, Jennette feels relieved when Mom immediately insists that she go on a diet. This moment underscores the complexity of their relationship, characterized by Mom’s need for control and Jennette’s struggle for autonomy and self-acceptance.

Read more about the toll that societal beauty standards have on Jennette’s mental and physical health (Main Idea #2).

While Mom’s control over Jennette weakens due to her illness, The Creator, a sinister authority figure at the network, is ready to fill the power vacuum. With Jennette’s spin-off show in the works, he turns his attentions on Jennette, under the guise of mentorship. Although Jennette is still technically a child, The Creator invites her to dinners where he encourages her to drink alcohol and initiates physical contact by massaging her shoulders. While Jennette is flattered to be his temporary favorite, she is also aware that his favoritism is fickle, a tool that he wields to manipulate the child actors who work for him. The dinners are disturbing to Jennette, both because The Creator vacillates quickly between praise and criticism and because she can’t stick to Mom’s new restrictive diet for her. Mom clings hard to her control over Jennette, going so far as to move, uninvited, into what’s supposed to be Jennette’s first solo apartment. Jennette is in a difficult position, caught between the sometimes conflicting demands of the two powerful figures.

Read a brief essay about child abuse and exploitation in Hollywood.

Given that Jennette has a pattern of adopting a childlike role and seeking approval from the significant figures in her life, it’s not surprising that her first romantic relationship is with a much older man. She conceals this relationship from Mom, anticipating her disapproval. When the relationship is outed through a tabloid photo, it triggers a barrage of hurtful messages from Mom, who wants Jennette to remain childlike and asexual. In an almost comical twist, Mom disowns her in one email then immediately asks for money for a new refrigerator. Despite Mom’s twinned vindictiveness and neediness, Jennette can’t resist reconciling, but their relationship becomes more distant when Mom, whose health continues to decline, can no longer live at the apartment. Mom’s attempt to make Jennette promise to sing at her funeral demonstrates her wish to exert control over Jennette even after her own death. When Mom is hospitalized, Jennette binges on fast food then tries unsuccessfully to induce vomiting. This disordered eating is a coping mechanism under stress, born out of the unhealthy relationship with food that Mom instilled in her.

The wrap-up of iCarly signals a time of endings in Jennette’s life. The period of transition prompts her to reevaluate her relationship with her boyfriend, leading to their breakup. Her decision is driven by a fear of transferring all her affection for Mom onto a romantic partner. Despite Jennette’s fears to the contrary, her friendship with Miranda endures, with Miranda becoming a source of support. Indeed, Jennette is with Miranda when she receives a call from Mom that signals the start of her final decline. Mom’s health is now so fragile that she slips into a coma after routine surgery. The stress leads Jennette to stop eating, and her subsequent hope that Mom will wake from her coma on hearing about her weight loss is both poignant and almost humorous in its absurdity. This incident underscores Jennette’s constant desire for Mom’s validation, even in dire circumstances. With Mom clinging to life, Jennette must navigate the intrusion of her public persona into her private anguish, as a nurse requests a photo of “Sam Puckett” at Jennette’s dying mother’s bedside. This juxtaposition highlights the complexities of Jennette’s life, where her public image and personal struggles intersect in painful and often absurd ways.

Read an in-depth analysis of Jennette McCurdy.
 
Seeking a reprieve from the oppressive hospital environment, Jennette embarks on a road trip to San Francisco with her friend, Colton. This trip marks a significant shift for Jennette, as she overindulges in alcohol for the first time and finds that it temporarily relieves her worries. This discovery leads to a newfound reliance on alcohol as a coping mechanism, indicating the onset of another problematic behavior. Jennette is still self-medicating with alcohol when Dad summons her home urgently. Despite her initial reluctance to heed yet another potentially false alarm about Mom’s health, Jennette cancels a scheduled New York trip to be at Mom’s side, underscoring her sense of responsibility towards her. At Mom’s bedside, Jennette decides to end her relationship with her current boyfriend because he displays a lack of sensitivity about Mom’s condition. As she is texting him, Mom takes her last breath, leaving Jennette to deal with the emotional turmoil of losing the central figure in her life.

Read more about Mom and her characterization in the memoir.

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