1. I wondered if ever in my whole life a day would go by when these
people I had left behind, my own family, would not appear before me in one
way or another.
This comment appears in “Poor Visitor” after Lucy remembers an
unpleasant childhood acquaintance, and it illustrates Lucy’s ambivalence
toward the community she has abandoned. Lucy’s words may simply express her
attachment to her origins, but the context of the quote renders it more
complex. This thought emerges during an intense bout of homesickness that
surprises her, since she has long craved escape from her native land. Given
Lucy’s bleak state of mind and her disdainful attitude toward the girl she
has just remembered, the quote assumes a melancholy tone, suggesting that
such constant appearances of those Lucy left behind would not be welcome. If
Lucy will always mentally revisit her family and friends, then she has
little chance of realizing her hope of achieving freedom from her past. Yet
Lucy clearly misses her home, and the notion that she may never be without
regular reveries about her community attests to the strength of her ties to
it.
The quote’s internal structure sheds further light on the complexity
of Lucy’s relationship with people back home. The phrase “these people I
left behind, my own family,” has an ambiguous meaning that further
complicates Lucy’s feelings. On one level, Lucy may simply consider her
family a subgroup of those she left behind, as in “these people I left
behind, including my own family.” However, the absence of a
word defining the relationship of her family to those she left behind gives
the impression of interchangeability between “these people I left behind”
and “my own family.” Perhaps Lucy suggests here that everyone she left
behind is like family to her, which, given Lucy’s reluctant filial ties,
implies a close but not especially welcome bond with her community. Or,
alternatively, despite her recent reference to her childhood acquaintance,
Lucy implies that of those she left behind, her family, above all, concerns
and haunts her, and that ultimately her greatest fears and hopes derive from
leaving her family. The ambiguous construction makes Lucy’s final meaning
difficult to pin down, but ambiguity seems fitting in light of the confused
emotions about home that Lucy shows throughout the novel.
