payment page
“I guess what I’ll miss most are the wasted opportunities to live my life and the lost potential to make great friends […] all because I was too scared.”
Before Mateo connects with Rufus and leaves his apartment, he comes to terms with his anxiety and the things that have been holding him back. His introspection early in the novel reveals he regrets standing on the sidelines of his life and failing to build more relationships and memories. Throughout the rest of the story, Mateo struggles against his fears and overcomes them with the help and encouragement of Rufus. He takes his first and most monumental step by simply leaving his apartment. Small acts of living, like trying virtual skydiving, riding on Rufus’s bike, singing and dancing in public, and kissing Rufus are all huge acts of courage for Mateo. Mateo’s ultimate act of bravery comes when he tells Rufus that he loves him without knowing how Rufus will respond. In his final hours, Mateo ultimately learns that taking emotional risks is the key to living life to the fullest.
“My Last Message would be to find your people. And to treat each day like a lifetime.”
Dalma says this to her half-sister Dahlia as they are watching Mateo and Rufus run from the fight at Clint’s Graveyard near the end of the novel. Dalma's perspective is significant because she is the creator of the Last Friend app, which provides lonely dying people with connection on their End Day. The quote reveals that she has made the app through an earnest attempt to provide people with authentic human connection when they are most vulnerable. The scene is also ironic because Dalma does not realize she is witnessing the power of the Last Friend App as Rufus and Mateo pass right by her. Her words are emblematic of how Mateo and Rufus are living their final hours: finding connection, love, and growth as their time on earth winds down. The sentiment also extends to Rufus and Mateo’s friendships as the scene that is playing out unbeknownst to Dalma is one where Lidia, Malcolm, Tagoe, and Aimee all show up to support their found family.
“No matter when it happens, we all have our endings. No one goes on, but what we leave behind keeps us alive for someone else.”
Near the climax of the novel at Clint’s Graveyard, Mateo reflects on and fully embraces the concept of living his life to the fullest. Mateo’s recognition that he wasted a lot of time and missed out on opportunities because he was afraid ultimately allows him to let go of those worries. Lidia’s presence beside him as he nears death helps Mateo realize it is the way people behave toward their loved ones that define a person’s legacy. Mateo wants to leave Lidia with memories of him being his authentic self. Similarly, Mateo wants his father to remember him, not as a kid too scared to leave his apartment but as a brave man who finally overcame his anxiety and had meaningful experiences. As Mateo’s courage builds on itself, he is able to do things he never imagined before, including dancing and singing in public, kissing Rufus, and punching Peck to protect Rufus. When he and Rufus are back in Mateo’s apartment later, Rufus notes the transformation in Mateo and takes pictures that document it. This act ultimately creates the exact legacy Mateo hoped for, as Mateo’s authentic final moments will be there for his father to see once Mateo is gone.
